Archive for August 9th, 2006

Sometimes when you read about an athlete getting arrested, it’s funny. Like when an offensive guard gets picked up for Boating Under the Influence, for example. Other times, it’s sad, like, “Ah, that’s too bad, I’d like to see that guy get his life together.” But sometimes – not often, but sometimes – it progresses to the point where you say, “Alright, it’s time to get this motherfucker off the streets.”

And it gets to that point when a guy is arrested while wearing a bulletproof vest, with four loaded guns in his car, all of which were loaded and in the front seat, in addition to the hatchet and the open bottle of Grey Goose, which he was drinking in front of cops. Say what you want about Maurice Clarett, but the man has good taste in vodka. The photos you see here are of his actual arrest, and of his actual Goose.

There’s just not much to say. The guy is a danger to himself and to society. There are very few good reasons to be driving around, hammered, in a bulletproof vest and with four loaded guns in the front seat. Someone was probably going to get hurt last night.

It all should have been so much different for Maurice Clarett. It’s time to just get him off the streets and get him some help before he kills himself or someone else.

Thumbs high to the judge who made a good common sense decision today to allow fantasy baseball leagues to use player names and stats without a license from Major League Baseball. MLB had wanted to make such a thing illegal, but a federal judge ruled against them today.

Had MLB gotten their way, there would be only a handful of sites out there who had licenses to use the stats, and if you wanted to keep your league on your favorite site, you’d have been playing with “Phillies 1B #6″ instead of “Ryan Howard.” A company called CBC Distribution and Marketing Inc., made the argument that Howard going 1-3 with a double was basic, factual information, and that MLB had no right to stop anyone from using that information.

It was a sleazy, selfish and money-grubbing thing for Major League Baseball to attempt in the first place. I’m sure they don’t mind the free promotion they get from their players names appearing freely in newspapers and box scores in every newspaper and website in the world. But then MLB saw $1.5 billion a year being spent on fantasy sports, and they wanted their cut of it, you and your fantasy league be damned. There was money out there for them, an they suddenly became big believers in intellectual property.

Thankfully, they didn’t get away with it. Mary Ann Medler, you are my favorite U.S. District Court Judge in the history of District Court Judges. If you’re reading this, sweetheart, look me up, and let’s see what kind of hot judicial womanhood you’ve got sizzlin’ under that robe. Rrrrrow.

Running a professional sports franchise for years and years with no intention of fielding a competitive team would make someone a douchebag. Owning a bunch of properties and refusing to rent apartments to black people, that puts him in a whole different stratosphere. That makes him basketball’s Marge Schott.

Of course, he hasn’t been found guilty of anything. But he’s being sued for those things, including housing discrimination, for refusing to rent to black people and families with children. And there are two things that indicate that this isn’t just some frivolous lawsuit filed for flimsy reasons: 1) the lawsuit was filed by the U.S. Department of Justice, who probably doesn’t do this thing for just no reason, and 2) it’s not the first time something like this has happened.

He was sued in 2003 for trying to “drive out” tenants, tenants who happened to be black or Hispanic. Just this past November, he was ordered by a federal judge to cough up about $5 million in fees to the plaintiffs’ attorneys.

This story’s been flying under the radar a little bit. Maybe I’m wrong, but I’d think it would be a pretty big story if a high profile owner of a sports team was found guilty of something like this. As you may have noticed, there are several black players in the NBA, a couple of whom are even on the Clippers roster. There’s Elton Brand, Shaun Livingston, Corey Maggette, and Sam Cassell is probably considered black back on whatever planet he came from.

I’d think things could get a little uncomfortable for those gentlemen at upcoming team functions. Sterling might want to move from courtside up to the luxury boxes.

So last night, I attempted to switch up my Amazon.com links down there on the left. You know, the ones that all of you completely ignore. And they have a new feature that automatically generates five links based on what appears on the site, the type of content here, etc. And the item at the top of the list was a DVD box set entitled “The Asian Collection – 20 Full Features in One Box.”

That’s right. Hardcore porno. Tera Patrick, Fujiko, Miko Lee, the whole gang… even Mimi Miyagi, a name that makes me want to just punch a porno producer in the face.

That’s what Amazon gets from this site. Sigh. Now, I’ll grant you… I don’t run the cleanest of enterprises. I embrace profanity and sexual innuendo like Joy Behar embraces Viagra jokes. But I’d like to think that I stop short of just outright pornography. I may feature some scantily-clad trim here and there, but I have boundaries. The one time I posted about “cream pies,” I swear, it was an honest mistake.

Edit: I could not make this up. I changed the link back to something I could customize on my own, because I didn’t want to advertise porno. The Asian Collection link could not have been up there for more than five minutes. And somebody fucking bought one. I kid you not. Those links are extremely rarely used… and within five minutes of its appearance here, someone bought a 20-Hour DVD box set of hardcore Asian porno for $39.99. Thank you, loyal and horny reader.

So in the span of about 20 minutes, I’ve sexually propositioned a judge and peddled Asian smut. I have had prouder days.

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