I watched Monday Night Football last night, mainly to check out the debut of the Tirico / Theismann / Kornheiser team. And I liked it, and I’ll get to that in a minute.
But I feel like it’s important to address my one major complaint first, because it’s a big one. If you missed it, ESPN is doing, at several points throughout the game, segements where Kornheiser answers fan e-mails. Accompanying this segement is a looped ‘song,’ in which men shout “Tony!” repeatedly.
Please, hear me out on this one, ESPN, I beg of you. For my sake and your sake, lose that fucking song. It has to go. It HAS to go. You can keep the viewer e-mail segments if you feel like you have to, but that song makes me want to put my fist through my television screen and clutch the live wires inside until they electrocute and burn to death every living cell in my body.
It sounds like a local radio commercial jingle that was written by an 80s boy band that hasn’t been able to find work since their lead singer was caught blowing an ice cream truck driver outside of a Toys-R-Us. That’s what it sounds like.
I like Tony Kornheiser, and it’s cool that you have him on Monday Night Football… but he isn’t so cool that he deserves his own one-lyric song that shouts his name over and over again. No one’s that cool. That song is the kind of thing that will make people hate Tony Kornheiser. Burn every recording you have it. It’s not enough to just stop playing it. Gather up every recording of it that exists, put them in a pile, pour gasoline over it, and light them on fire. Do not let anyone else hear that thing ever again, because it is terrible, and it’s going to get Tony Kornheiser killed.
Anyway… about the rest of the show.
It’s probably too rare that I compliment television broadcast teams, and I’m not sure if it’s that they’re all bad, or if it’s because I’m such a snide prick, but… I don’t have nice things to say about too many people that call games. But, after watching the predictably ugly Vikings/Raiders preseason game last night, I really think ESPN’s on the right track with the team they’ve assembled.
I like Mike Tirico about 47,000% more than I like Al Michaels. And Joe Theismann, I know a lot of you aren’t big fans, and I really haven’t been, either, but he’s a different guy without Paul Maguire around. Theismann actually has his moments where he’s insightful and pleasant, but they were extremely few and far between when he had to sit next to Paul Maguire, who might as well have been wearing a rodeo clown outfit. Theismann’s still a little too afraid to say a bad word about anyone, but I can think of guys who are a lot worse.
And Kornheiser was pretty good last night (here’s a recap, if you’re looking for one). Considering that it was his first stab at it, I’d bump his grade up to exceptional. The big thing with him is that he’s not going to pretend to be something he’s not. Last night, he asked Theismann what a “silent count” was, because he had no idea. I’d think that anyone who watches football with any level of seriousness would be familiar with the silent count, but he wasn’t. And he wasn’t afraid to let people know that, and I think that’s good. It would be easy for someone in that position to just try and fake some deep football knowledge, and I hope he never succumbs to that. I just want him to play his role, do what he does, and things will be fine.
Even Suzy Kolber was on top of her game last night, comparing Al Davis to Fidel Castro. I think she just meant that they’ve both been around forever and have no intention of going away willingly, but I’d like to think she was also implying that they’re both evil, murderous, lowlifes who will burn in hell.
Dave's Football Blog
ESPN was too cheap to spring for that song by Tony! Toni! Tone! that samples Ice Cube saying, “And you can New Jack Swiiiiing on my nuts!”
August 15, 2006 at 7:45 am
Mark
It’ll be a cold day in hell before I recognize Joe Theismann as an outstanding broadcaster, rather than an egotistical, hog-the-mike moron.
August 15, 2006 at 8:20 am
Alex
Actually, it is the jingle for Tony’s local radio show on sports talk 980 in DC
August 15, 2006 at 8:46 am
Tom
Maybe Tony, Mike and Joe will become so good that they will earn a team nick-name like the “Steel Curtain.” How about “Snakes on a Plane?”
August 15, 2006 at 8:49 am
Jon
The tony song comes from his old radio show on ESPN radio. They use to play it coming in and out of commercials.
August 15, 2006 at 8:55 am
DookieStyle
I liked it when Joe tried to get all high and mighty about how the Packers shouldn’t have brought Favre back, and Tony would have none of his condescending talk. It was awesome. I love Tony.
August 15, 2006 at 9:02 am
flubby
“You call me your friend
But you only want my gifts
And I’ll never see you if I had no loot”
If LeBatard is going to be on PTI for Tony K every Monday I am going to be pissed.
August 15, 2006 at 9:26 am
Big Daddy
The song sucked. It not only irritated me, it annoyed my wife, my 2 teenage sons, and my 10 year old daughter. I also believe it may have caused my dog to sink into a deep depression.
August 15, 2006 at 9:37 am
Prophet
Kornhole was so pathetic that he made Theisman look good. I will watch Monday night football with the radio broadcast from now on. Kornhole was unbearable, the worse broadcasting crew ever assembled for MNF.
August 15, 2006 at 10:17 am
jerloma
Meanwhile, his own newspaper crushed him…
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/08/14/AR2006081401503.html
August 15, 2006 at 10:28 am
New York Sports Page
ESPN. Always shoving the brand in the way of the game.
August 15, 2006 at 10:37 am
Jonah
Thank the good lord that song irked you too. It’s a sign that those zany creatives at ESPN just reached 34 years of age and are relying on their recollection of what they think fans will like, and corporate focus groups, to try to guess at what will work. That segment made me want to Bar Mitzvah Mel Gibson. Yes, it’s a verb, trust me.
August 15, 2006 at 10:45 am
sallypierre
strange that they decided to use the double dildo to keep score. didn’t like the placement of that either.
tony is ok. hope tirico chokes on his enunciation. after listening to theisman have to replay the clip of his leg getting snapped.
it will get better won’t it?
August 15, 2006 at 10:55 am
Mondesi
I was watching the game with my brother and I feared he would launch the remote through my TV if he heard that song again. Glad to hear his angst was not unique.
August 15, 2006 at 11:18 am
The Big Picture
ya, the song sucked more than al davis, but kornhole was surprisingly good. perhaps this whole thing can work.
August 15, 2006 at 2:04 pm
HuangKong
i juust hated that the score counter was in the very center bottom of the screen. yes, i know this is what it used to look like on MNF. but they got rid of it for a reason. it was way distracting to me, i dunno why.
August 15, 2006 at 4:05 pm
ReKen
I agree on the score counter. Fred Smoot would be proud.
August 15, 2006 at 11:29 pm
David
wow, most of you blogger dudes are wayyyyyyyy too picky with your comentators. I don’t give a shit. Give me bill walton for MNF, I don’t care. Listen to the game and shut the fuck up.
August 16, 2006 at 7:48 pm