Archive for August 16th, 2006

Okay, I made that up, and Dave Pelz does not, to my knowledge, abuse PCP or any other narcotic. He doesn’t need them, because his own view of reality is distorted in ways that you and I can’t even imagine.

He told a reporter that “when Phil’s at his best, nobody can beat him.” The reporter asked if that included Tiger Woods, and he said, “You bet it does.” He continued:

“Phil’s short game is the best in the world. He doesn’t have a serious weakness inside 150 yards. Phil putts more consistently than Tiger does. He has more imagination and a few more shots around the green.”

He then resumed smoking that sherm.

I mean, I understand, he’s Phil’s coach, he wants to build his confidence, maybe give Phil a challenge. But it’s been proven, time and time again, that you do not want to trash talk Tiger Woods right before you play with him. You don’t even say anything that could maybe possibly be construed as trash talk. I’m not saying that he should walk around and just be intimidated by Tiger’s very presence, but facts are facts. If you lob something at Tiger that could be considered as disrespect, he will use it as motivation to bury you. It’s what he does.

The Panthers used to play Gary Glitter’s “Rock & Roll, Part 2″ (the “Hey!” song), after Panther touchdowns. But the NFL has asked them to stop since Gary Glitter had some deviant sexual habits that made R. Kelly look like Dr. Joyce Brothers. So to fill the gap, they went back to a song that they once stopped playing, because it was really really dumb. Here it is.


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All-in-all, I have to say I prefer it to the “Tony!” song used on Monday Night Football, but not by a lot. If I heard that after my favorite team scored a touchdown, I would just be confused, and I wouldn’t feel like cheering anymore. I would go from the elation of a Steve Smith touchdown catch to thinking, “Wait, what the hell’s going on here? Is it 1931? Why are they playing that? Where the hell am I? Is it safe here? If Biff around the corner, beating the hell out of Marty McFly?”

It’s highly unlikely that I’ll be anywhere near a Panthers game this year, but… for the people of Charlotte, I hope they reconsider. There’s nothing redeemable about that.

When Maurice Clarett, after being pulled over with a small arsenal in his car, talked of receiving threats on his life, he may not have been making that up. When I first read his claim, I just sort of assumed that the man had gone Tom Cruise crazy. But he got another threat today, this one on a typewritten postcard that arrived at the offices of the lawyers representing him.

No one’s saying what was on the note, or what it means. It’s described as “very cyptic.” Kinda gives some more credence to Tom Friend’s article, where he sorta theorized that Clarett owed some people money, and they’d like it back.

As for Clarett himself, his lawyer says he’s doing alright in jail.

“He’s been in very good spirits,” Hoague said. “He’s basically sitting in his cell, doing sit-ups and push-ups and reading the Bible, all day long.”

He gets to jail, and now he wants to train. Better late than never, I suppose, but a few sit-ups and some Bible study might’ve been a little more useful if they had come, say, I dunno… a couple of months before the NFL combine. But if that’s true, and he is in good spirits, I don’t find that hard to believe at all. His only responsibility in prison is not to get shanked or raped, and if he’s isolated and protected, yeah, he’s probably happier without any responsibilities in there.

Almost every article I’ve read about Team USA’s final cut-down recommends either Bruce Bowen or Shane Battier for dismissal, sometimes both. After Athens, everyone was screaming, “You can’t just have a team of superstars, you need role players!” And now, when it’s time to finalize the roster for the next major international competition… the role players are the first ones people want to put on the chopping block.

Why, oh why, when anyone is discussing the relative value of Battier or Bowen to this team, do they mention their scoring averages? That’s like saying, “Okay, let’s talk about the hottest sideline reporters for NFL games, so let’s start with comparing their SAT scores.” It doesn’t make sense. Yes, Bowen is averaging 1 point per game. Yes, Battier’s average isn’t much better. Those are not negatives. If anything, they’re positives.

You don’t want those guys taking shots. If Bruce Bowen was scoring 12 points per game, I’d cast my vote to send his ass home, because that would mean either he isn’t doing his job, or other guys on the floor with him aren’t doing their job. Scoring averages have nothing to do with their effectiveness. Nothing. Much like Ricky Bobby isn’t a thinker, Bruce Bowen is not a scorer, and at least on this team, neither is Shane Battier.

And on the subject of Battier possibly going home… that’s just insane. He has been outstanding. He hustles, he forces turnovers, he gets to loose balls, he hits the offensive glass, and he is easily the best non-Bowen man-to-man defender on the team. There’s just not much more you could ask from him. The guy they end up sending home might very well be a better basketball player than Shane Battier or Bruce Bowen, much like Gilbert Arenas is a better basketball player than some guys who will be making the trip. But that’s not what this is about.

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