Archive for August 18th, 2006

A few days ago, I said of Maurice Clarett’s arrest/depression/confusion/arsenal, that it was “the most bizarre and surreal sports story since OJ Simpson.” I’m going to have to take that back now, because Clarett now has been linked with the Isreali Mob. Yep. Isreali Mob.

At this point, hey, why the fuck not? If police said tomorrow that a magic beanstalk was growing out of Clarett’s urethra, I’d just shrug and say, “Well, that’s unusual.” I mean, when a guy is arrested outside of a pancake house with four guns, a bottle of the Goose, a bulletproof vest, a hatchet and a lint roller, is anything really out of bounds? Isreali mob ties almost seem like the natural next step in the progression.

The guy’s name is Hai Waknine, and he, according to this report, was the one providing Clarett with the cars, home, and bodyguards while he was busy letting his talents erode before the NFL combine. His lawyer speculates that the threatening note that Clarett recently received came from Waknine and/or his people, which seems like a reasonable connection to draw. And it’s becoming more and more clear that jail right now is the absolute best place for Maurice Clarett. Had he not been arrested when he was, Waknine and his people would be going after him like he was a member of Hezbollah.

There were some interesting quotes noted in this Michael Silver article at SI.com. They’re from a veteran Cowboys player who’s choosing to remain nameless.

“Before T.O. got back out there, a lot of people were starting to second-guess Bill. For the first time ever, he’d shown a little weakness, like he might not be totally in control, and like he didn’t know how to handle this situation. Because, let’s face it, it’s been a total spectacle so far.”

“We all just sat and wondered, ‘Who’s gonna win this battle?’ As a player, you can’t help but get distracted when something like that is going on. The guy comes out last every single practice, has somebody carrying his helmet and is always putting on his uniform at the last minute, and then he’s out there riding the bike and drawing attention to himself. Even if he’s not trying to be a deterrent — and he clearly is — it’s obvious that the coach isn’t happy.

“The bottom line is, he appeared to be healthy and wasn’t practicing. So we’d sit and wonder, Who’s gonna win? How’s it gonna go down?’”

I had wondered about that. Parcells clearly wanted Owens on the field, but he didn’t really push him too hard to do it. It was like he was afraid to upset the apple cart, which is not something I’m sure has ever applied to Bill Parcells before. If Terrell Owens was still in Philadelphia, and he was on the sidelines on a bike everyday, and the coaches and other players never told him to get his candy ass on the field, I’d be accusing Andy Reid of being a part of the problem. No one ever did with Parcells, even though he took his sweet time before setting Owens straight.

And even though Owens has since been back on the field, practicing at less than 100%, I’m not sure Parcells ever put his foot down like he should’ve. He didn’t go to him himself, he sent a message through trainer Jim Maurer to tell Owens to be on the field the next day. I’m not saying Parcells is afraid of Terrell Owens… but it certainly looks like Parcells is afraid of what will happen if he has beef with Owens this early in the process.

I figured this whole thing would go bad at some point, but I thought at least the beginning would be smooth. There was a time when Owens and Donovan McNabb were all smiley and buddy-buddy, too. I didn’t expect this thing to go south so soon, though.

The next time you retire, Junior, I’m not making a nice post about you. One is your limit. I made my peace with you, we were friends again, you were back in the Chargers family, you were back in the running for my favorite Charger ever… and today, you’re like, “Eh, nevermind.” I’m hopping back off of the Junior Seau emotional roller-coaster, and I’m thinking about calling him something mean like “jerkface.”

It’s not that I blame him. He still wanted to play, a team came calling, and that’s that. I certainly don’t begrudge him the chance to play another year. What I don’t appreciate, and this is petty, self-centered, and juvenile, is going through the “I like him, no I don’t like him, okay, I like him again” process once more. I just can’t keep doing this. I’m like Heath Ledger in Brokeback Mountain, and Jake Gyllenhall just told me he got the hammer from a Mexican male prostitute.

I’m guessing that it’s a done deal. If the Patriots are inviting him in, they’re certainly interested, and he’ll play for the league minimum, so money isn’t going to be a factor. Two of my favorite Chargers ever are going to be New England Patriots… soon, they’re going to offer contracts to Stanley “The Sherriff” Richards and Leslie O’Neal.

There’s a little not at the end of this Stephon Marbury publicity item about how the Knicks attempted to acquire Chris Webber recently. The 76ers actually contacted the Knicks and asked them to make an offer for Webber. And if Billy King didn’t do that, he wouldn’t be doing his job. If you have overpriced garbage, you are obligated to see if you can get Isiah Thomas to take it. In most cases, he will.

It’s not really clear how bad the Knicks wanted Webber. Isiah made a weak offer (weak for even Chris Webber), but perhaps had to do so because James Dolan had discouraged him from further outlandish spending this summer. The 76ers turned down the package of Quentin Richardson, Maurice Taylor, and Malik Rose.

I haflway think the Sixers made a mistake in turning it down, except that Allen Iverson loves Chris Webber for some reason. And if the Sixers insist on sticking with the Iverson/Webber plan that’s going absolutely nowhere, they might as well at least try and keep both of them happy.

Webber being a Knick would’ve been perfect, though. He’s got the absurd salary, the desire to have his hands on the basketball more than he should, and he has, as a special added bonus, a body that has quite rapidly broken down.

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