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YAY!Sports Is Buying Me A Disease-Free Whore

I posted the other day that I didn’t think Team USA was going to win the gold medal. The Cavalier over at YAY!Sports disagreed; so vehemently did he disagree, in fact, that he offered a $100 bet that Team USA would win the gold medal. And I took him up on it.

Why did I do this? Because I like money. And whores. Which is what I’ll spend the money on. $100 should be enough to ensure no diseases and female genitalia, which is really all I’m seeking in female companionship.

Of course, the morning after I make the bet, Team USA plays probably their best game yet. The game started out looking like Slovenia would be able to at least hang. They were getting the shots they wanted, their offense was precise and beautiful, and they were carving up the Team USA defense.

But Coach K said yesterday that whichever team established their own tempo would win, and… the tempo battle swung easily in favor of the USA. Why Slovenia thought it would be a good idea to run with us, I have absolutely no idea. If they calmed themselves down, and ran some sets with a little bit of patience, it probably wouldn’t have been such a blowout.

But Slovenia had their own defensive deficiencies… they were reluctant to play zone, and when they did, it wasn’t very good. Nor was their man defense, for that matter. They have some quality players, though, and their overall level of athleticism surprised me, though it’s still nowhere near what Team USA brings.

Anyway… I’m still thinking we’re going to lose one somewhere along the way, probably in the single elimination medal round. Now, I’m certainly not rooting for this to happen, despite what’s at stake. I want us to win. But hey, when The Cavalier supports LeBron James-led teams when they play other good teams, his record just isn’t that great, and I’m taking advantage of it.

I really hope my whore is clean.

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Matthew J. Darnell

13 Comments

  1. Apparently a Slovenian amputee from the Ten-Day War of 1991 gave them a pep talk before the game but he obviously was trumped by our blind guy.

  2. That must have been an awkward google search to find that picture.

    “Umm lets see, ‘disease free whore pics’….no that won’t work…..”

  3. two things, MJD:

    1. $100 bucks won’t let you escape completely clean. You’ll avoid herpes, but you’ll probably pick up gonnohrea.

    2. what will the Cav buy if he wins? How ’bout a cheap whore to star in “Who Shot Mamba?”

  4. If Manu & Co. beat the US for the gold will you celebrate like Argentina – by not showering – before and after your roadside purchase?

  5. Betting against our national team? That seems like it should be grounds for deportation or something to me.

  6. You might want to rephrase that to “ensure female genitalia and no diseases” because I read that to be that you were looking for Alexis Arquette.

  7. *hahahaha*

    When you win, just get head and tail from a girl who sets @ $100-125 for her half-hour rate.

    That’ll get you quality, no worries.

  8. Wow, that picture…. I cannot believe…. that the guy drove his car onto the curb. Is there no decency left in this world?

  9. Now, see…MJD; you dissappoint me.

    I would’ve thought you were smart enough to be able to talk a disease-free whore into sex with you for….well, free.

    What, are you ugly or something?

  10. you can take the $100, score some coke and some crank and party with 2-3 whores for that money. Where is your financial acumen MJD?

  11. True enough, Moonshine Mike.

    But would a whore for the blow really give MJD what he’s looking for?

    A disease-free experience?

    Seems like whores for blow would be…well….disease-ridden.

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