Archive for September, 2006

September29

Suicide, It’s A Suicide…

By: the mighty mjd

Over at The Fanhouse, I attempted to guess which NFL personality will be the next to attempt suicide. I’ve got the odds-on favorite as Ben Roethlisberger.

I also address the cops who demand an apology from Terrell Owens, and insist that they’re superior people.

Oh, and if you know anything at all about Ed Orgeron, the head coach at Ole Miss… you’ll enjoy this (many thanks for the heads-up here). If you’re not familiar, let me catch you up a little bit before you click that link.

Ed Orgeron is a crazy motherfucker. He was an assistant coach at Miami in the early ’90s. In 1991, a woman got a restraining order against him, and he was ordered into a domestic violence counseling program. In 1992, he was arrested in a bar fight and brought up on felony battery chargers. They were eventually dropped, but Orgeron was accused of head-butting a bouncer. And shortly after he took over at Ole Miss, he… well, I’ll just quote from Every Day Should Be Saturday.

Ed Orgeron appears to be settling in just fine at Ole Miss by allegedly calling players with earrings “fucking pussy girls” (is that a Chinese translation for lesbian?), labeling the Cotton Bowl “bullshit,” and taking off his shirt and challenging every “motherfucker” in the room to a fight…all in the course of a single team meeting.

And one more thing, before you follow that link, there’s one more necessary step… enjoy this Ed Orgeron Hummer ad and get a feel for his voice.

NOW you’re prepared to enjoy this little work of genius.

Posted in: College Football, NFL8 comments

September28

Bill Romanowski and the Bill Romanowski of Youth Football

By: the mighty mjd

Douchebaggery just seems to follow Bill Romanowski around. He was the NFL’s dirtiest player for years, and now, as the coach of a youth football team in California, he’s involved in a controversy concerning the dirty play of a 12-year-old, and his reaction to it. It may cost him his position as coach.

And the first thing that I’m wondering is … who the fuck let Bill Romanowski coach a youth football team? Who was coaching the other team, Rae Carruth? Todd Marinovich’s dad?

I’m all for second chances for everyone, but I’m sorry, when you build a career out of exhibiting a complete lack of class and sportsmanship on the football field, you do not get to be the guy entrusted to teach those things to kids.

But I digress… that isn’t the issue on the table. He is a head coach, we’ll just have to deal with it… and here’s what happened: Romanowski’s team was playing against another team that included a particularly rambunctious little bastard. Romo’s kids kept coming back to the sideline with scratches on their neck, cuts and bruises… the player even spit in JJ Stokes’ face. Romanowski confronted the other coach, and told him what his player was doing, and asked the coach to try to keep the game clean.

Then later, the same kid leg whipped another of Romo’s kids, and Romanowski, being an expert on recognizing dirty play, went out onto the field to check on his player. In the process, he also told the junior Romanowski out there, “Buddy, I warned your coach at halftime this kind of stuff doesn’t belong out here. You hurt my kid.”

This is the first time I’ve ever said this, and it will likely be the last, but … I don’t think Romanowski didn’t anything wrong here. I wouldn’t even describe it as inappropriate. In fact, I feel like it would’ve been irresponsible fo him not to say something to the kid.

If it scared the hell out of the boy, good. He was playing dirty, and it’s the responsibility of coaches and adults to put a stop to it. If the other coach won’t do it, then someone has to… even if that someone is Bill fucking Romanowski. The kid is 12 years old, not 5, and if he’s old enough to try to intentionally hurt other players, he’s old enough to have a steroid abuser scare the hell out of him.

Some parents and some administrators, though, had a problem with Romo’s running onto the field and confronting the player. The athletic director at the middle school says that Romanowski will be barred from the field when the two teams play again.

I’d argue that if anyone‘s going to be barred, it should be the coach who’s letting his player do this. He was aware of it, Romanowski told him politely about it once, and the kid kept doing it. That’s on the coach. If he can’t control his own player, either by lecturing him or benching him, then he is the irresponsible coach. And if you’re coaching in a league that includes Bill Romanowski, and you earn the title of the most irresponsible coach in the league, then you’ve got some serious problems.

Posted in: Dickheads, NFL12 comments

September28

Terrell Owens And His Pillbox

By: the mighty mjd

I wrote at length about the Terrell Owens situation here, and just to kinda summarize for you… fuckin’, I dunno. I can’t tell you what’s going on in Terrell Owens’ head. No one can tell you what’s going on in Terrell Owens’ head. Michael Irvin can’t tell you, his family couldn’t tell you, Drew Rosenhaus couldn’t tell you, his publicist (who he’s almost certainly nailing can’t tell you. If I had to guess, I’d be pretty confident in saying that it wasn’t a suicide attempt. A cry for help, maybe… an honest case of a drug reaction, I’d also say it’s a maybe.

Sticking with Terrell Owens for a second… early yesterday, before Owens had given his statement, the big question was, “Is it OK to poke fun at this?” I couldn’t do it myself, but… if you’re familiar at all with the Kissing Suzy Kolber blog, you can probably guess where they came down on the issue. Big. Fucking. Green light. They were hard at work yesterday, and as I said… if you’re of the opinion that it’s OK, then you’ll certainly enjoy their work.

Also, while on the KSK tip, Big Daddy Drew (previously a big Bill Simmons fan) goes off on Bill Simmons for some comments he made in a chat yesterday. I certainly see where Drew’s coming from, but at the same time… I feel more inclined to treat Bill Simmons like I’m a Packer fan and he’s Brett Favre. He’s been too great for too long to get hung up on anything now. As far as columnists as major media outlets go… he’s still worlds better than almost anything else out there. I’m not saying I’m giving him a “pass” on anything, I’m saying he doesn’t need one… I think he’s changed sportswriting, and can do whatever the hell he wants at this point. He’s earned it.

Also, yesterday was the day where listening to bad rap finally paid off for me. I read that Chargers safety Terrence Kiel was arrested for shipping some prescription cough syrup to Houston, and I knew why… it’s that Purple Drank, baby. I mean, that’s the purpose of the cough syrup, why Terrence Kiel is involved with mixing up the lean, I have no fucking idea.

And if it seems like I’m compensating for my inability to use the word “fuck” over at The Fanhouse by using it more here… you’re absolutely fucking right.

Posted in: NFL13 comments

September27

A Round Of Applause For This Crazy Son Of A Bitch

By: the mighty mjd

“Short track racing has plenty of wrecks and plenty of fights, and somehow this one has just gotten national.”
– Michael Simko, race car driver with a serious temper

Somehow? You think it might be because you took a running start and dove feet first through another dude’s windshield? Think that might have something to do with it?

I’m sure you’ve seen this by now, but I thought this gentleman deserved a special mention. When you’re willing to jump over the hood of someone’s car, and stomp your feet through his windshield, all in one motion… you’ve earned my respect. I don’t know who who was right or wrong in their fight, but I’m on the side of the guy who’s jumping through a motherfucker’s windshield. That is a man who firmly believes in the statement he’s making.

I can’t see myself being that pissed off at someone. Hell, I can’t see myself being that creative. Who thinks to put your feet through a goddamn windshield? It may have been pointless, it may have served absolutely no purpose in this guy’s stated intention of beating the hell out of the other guy… but I’ll be damned if it wasn’t inspired. That is thinking outside the box at its finest.

And the fall afterwards looks pretty brutal. His tailbone took a pounding right there, on asphalt. That had to hurt like a bastard. And he just stood right up and kept at it. That’s an angry man.

I think if I was the guy sitting in the other car, and someone tried to do that to me… I’d just have to get out of the car and let him punch me in the face. If he’s willing to do that, I probably deserve to get socked in the grill. And he certainly has earned the right to hit me. Kudos, Michael Simko.

Posted in: Car Racing9 comments

September26

Monday Night Foozball…

By: the mighty mjd

In case you’re interested, I live-blogged the fuck out of last night’s Saints/Falcons game, and then wrote about Tony Kornheiser’s performance. You can find them both here.

Posted in: ESPN, Media, NFL, Uncategorized9 comments

September26

We Suck At Golf

By: the mighty mjd

Something tells me that's not Ian Woosnam's first drink.What bothers me most about the continual Ryder Cup ass-poundings is not the fact that we keep getting embarrassed… it’s that we never have an answer for it. Tom Lehman can’t explain it, Tiger Woods can’t explain it, and Phil Mickelson for damn sure can’t explain anything.

We keep getting our asses kicked, in our soil, on their soil, when we’re favored, when we’re the underdogs… and no one can ever explain why.

Two theories I’m discounting are that we don’t care as much, or that we don’t want it as much. There’s just no way that’s true. Maybe there are certain individuals who don’t care a lot (and I don’t believe Tiger Woods is one of them, despite that finger always being pointed at him), but there’s no way I’m believing that this isn’t as vitally important to our guys as it as theirs. The way our players talk about it, the way they prepare themselves, the measures they’ve gone to… there’s too much evidence that this is very important to the our side.

And maybe that’s a part of the problem. You never hear about the European team taking a trip together to bond (as the Americans did in Ireland), because they don’t have to. You don’t hear about their coach’s strategy for putting together teams, you don’t see them sweating every little detail… they show up, slap some teams together, play golf, and take their trophy home. We don’t.

I’ll believe that the European team is a little more tightly-knit to begin with, that they like each other, are comfortable with each other, and enjoy spending time with each other. I’ll buy that as a theory. When they travel to American tournaments (which is way more frequent than American golfers traveling to European tournaments), a lot of them stay together, they hang out, they practice together… they like each other. They’re comfortable with each other. That probably makes a big difference.

Other than that… I couldn’t tell you. The European team just goes out and hits better shots. There’s a reason for that somewhere, but no one seems to know what the hell it is. Maybe the Europeans have some kind of a strategy or gameplan that they protect as well as Colonel Sanders protects his chicken recipe. I don’t know.

Or, and this is a theory that I like… maybe we just need to leave Phil Mickelson behind. Ol’ FIGJAM was the worst player in the event (Brett Wetterich gets a pass, because nothing was expected out of him, mainly because he’s Brett Wetterich), getting only ½ of a point in five tries, which puts him at 1-9-1 in his last 11 Ryder Cup matches.

The team selection process will almost certainly be reworked, and that’s fine. But I don’t think we need fewer captain’s selections, I think we need more. And I think we need two optional “captain’s deselections,” where the captain can choose to take someone in the Top 10 in the point standings, and tell them to stay the fuck home. I am looking at you, Phil Mickelson. I hate your insincere smile, no one else on tour likes you, and you suck at being part of a team.

Here’s the breakdown of the American team:

Scott Verplank 2 / 2 1.000
Tiger Woods 3 / 5 .600
Stewart Cink 2½ / 5 .500
J.J. Henry 1½ / 3 .500
Jim Furyk 2 / 5 .400
Zach Johnson 1½ / 4 .375
Chad Campbell 1 / 3 .333
Vaughn Taylor ½ / 2 .250
David Toms ½ / 3 .167
Chris DiMarco 1½ / 4 .125
Phil Mickelson ½ / 5 .100
Brett Wetterich 0 / 2 .000

Posted in: Golf7 comments

September25

Smorgasbord…

By: the mighty mjd

Can be found by clicking this link. Thank you…

Posted in: NFL9 comments

September22

‘Game Of Shadows’ Guys Are Going Away

By: the mighty mjd

Well, this is unfortunate. Mark Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams have been sentenced to prison. There are still appeals to be made, but if they don’t get it overturned, they’ve been sented to do 18 months.

They’re certainly not the first journalists to be going to jail for a refusal to give up their source. I don’t believe they did anything but seek to present the truth to the public, but at the same time, the government’s got every right, in fact, it should be expected, to do all they can to figure out who illegally leaked grand jury testimoney.

It’s too bad that they’re probably going to do time. They’re not bad people, they didn’t seek to do anything but put the truth out there. A free press is important. It’s more than important, it’s crucial. It’s necessary. They did their job, and they did it well.

But at the same time… protecting grand jury testimony is also important. Not to me, necessarily, but you could see why it would be important to our legal system. I may not like the law that says they have to go to jail, but it is the law, and it’s not a secret to anyone.

I’m left in the position of admiring Fainaru-Wada and Williams, but I can’t really feel bad for them. I don’t want them to do time, I wouldn’t wish that on hardly anyone. But they published a book that contained grand jury testimony, and they had to know that this was a risk they’d face along the way. They did it, and they’re not backing down from it, and I admire the hell out of them.

I probably wouldn’t do the same. Scratch that–I definitely wouldn’t do the same. If someone gave me some private grand jury testimony that indicated that Barry Bonds was injecting steroids, smashing the skulls of baby puppies with concrete blocks, had killed Jon Benet Ramsay, and was currently harboring Osama bin Laden in his basement… well, it’s not going to be me that rats him out.

If they end up going in, I hope their stay is brief and devoid of any sort of anal violation. Good luck, fellas.

Posted in: Baseball, Criminality46 comments

September22

The Degenerate Gambler: Week 3

By: the mighty mjd

…can be found here.

Posted in: NFL0 comments

September21

A Letter From Joey Porter’s Pit Bull

By: the mighty mjd

FUCK YOU, HORSE. What did you say? You got somethin’ to say to me, you oat-eatin’ motherfucker? I don’t give a rat’s ass how big you are, YOU DO NOT WANT TO FUCK WITH THIS. Look at you, horse. Horses are brown. You know what else is brown? The CLEVELAND BROWNS. I FUCKIN’ HATE CLEVELAND BROWNS.

Man, this horse over here keeps fuckin’ with me. Does he know who he’s messing with? Does he know the hell that I could unleash on his big fuckin’ ugly mule ass? Man, I am JOEY PORTER’S DOG. Actually, scratch that, that ain’t even true. JOEY PORTER IS MY HUMAN. YOU HEAR ME? I’m gonna tear your fucking horse heart out of your motherfucking horse chest, and I’mma carry it home, sautee it in butter, and put it in Joey’s dish, so he’ll have a full stomach when he kills Carson Palmer on Sunday.

Believe me, horse, you don’t want a piece of this. I am the toughest motherfuckin’ dog you will ever see. Fuck what you heard about Qyntel Woods and his dogs. Compared to me, that motherfucker’s on some WWF shit. I’d make him my bitch, horse, you understand that? You hear me? Qyntel Woods’ dog ain’t got SHIT ON ME.

I know you saw that Steelers/Dolphins game on TV a couple weeks ago, and I know what’s on your mind. Don’t go thinkin’ I’m soft. I know you saw my man Joey kiss Bill Cowher in that game against the Dolphins, but don’t get it twisted. My man Joey pounds the poontang like a motherfuckin’ jackhammer, and I hit it harder than he does. And as soon as I murder your big horse ass, me and my boy Bruno here and gonna go gang rape a poodle. Please believe that.

What’d you say, horse? There are linebackers in the league with a better all-around game that Joey Porter? WHAT? The Steelers are not a lock to get back to the Super Bowl? JEROME BETTIS IS NOT GREAT IN HIS STUDIO ROLE AT NBC? YOU’RE GONNA FUCKING DIE, HORSE.

Just LOOK at this. This horse is blatantly disrespecting me and my boy. YOU DO NOT DISRESPECT THE STEELERS OF PITTSBURGH. Horse, I’m going to give you about five fucking seconds to take back everything you said, and ackowledge right now that the Steelers are the best team in the history of the goddamn NFL, that Jerome Bettis is the best personality currently working in television, and that Joey Porter is capable of eating a roll of quarters and then shitting out an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.

You got five seconds to do that, and I’mma do you like Joey Porter did Peyton Manning in the playoffs last year. I’m counting.

One…

Two…

Three…

Four…

FIVE.

WHAT? “Naaaaaaaaaaay?” FUCK THAT. All the sudden, you can’t talk? Now you’re gonna hide behind, “I’m a horse, and I’m not capable of reproducing those sounds.” FUCK YOU. You know what, horse? You look like the guy who shot my man Joey in Denver. You look just like him. Bruno, don’t he look like that punk motherfucker that shot Joey in Denver? LET’S KILL THIS MOTHERFUCKER, BRUNO.

Posted in: Letters from Pets19 comments

© Copyright . All Rights Reserved.