…because Tiger Woods is quickly proving every other human being alive to be obsolete. He won the Douche-a-Bag Championship yesterday by two strokes over Vijay Singh. And Vijay played well. He was just up against Tiger, which meant that he just didn’t have a chance in hell.

Tiger wasn’t even leading heading into the final round this time. He trailed Vijay by three strokes heading into the day, and he came out and said, “Well, I’m going to come out on Monday, and I’m going to shoot a 29 on the front, and the rest of you can suck me off. How’s that sound to everyone? Good plan? Okay, good. The line forms to the left.”

Five golf tournaments in a row. With all the good golfers in the world right now, and just given the very nature of golf, where it’s hard to play great for any extended period of time… this is incredible. The record, in case you’re wondering, is a staggering 11 straight victories, set by Byron Nelson back in 1945. And Tiger, as awesome as he is, isn’t touching that one. That may be the most untouchable record in sports.

You could argue, though, that Tiger’s 5 is nearly as impressive as Nelson’s 11. It’s impossible to compare eras, but the fields Tiger faces week in, week out, are exponentially deeper than anything that existed in 1945. It’s not even close.

If you’re another golfer on the tour … exactly what are you going to do? You can make a perfectly good living by playing for Tiger’s table scraps, if you want to. But if your self-esteem depends on being the best, then you’re sorta screwed. The PGA Tour right now is full of guys who just have to content by play for second place.