As noted in the WBRS Sports Blog this morning, Terrell Owens has a children’s book coming out entitled “Little T Learns to Share.” A synopsis:

It’s about a young boy learning the value of sharing. Little T, the title character, refuses to share his football at first but later realizes he can’t enjoy his new ball without friends. “I tried to play outside alone and throw it by myself, but football isn’t football unless you play with someone else,” Little T tells his mother in the book.

The publisher has provided us with this excerpt from the book:

Little T: Hey, that’s my football!
Little Jeffie G: I know! We’re having fun playing with it! Thanks T!
Little T: But it’s mine, and I like to have it all to myself.
Little Jeffie G: I know you do, but it’ll be more fun for all of us if you share!
Little T: Really? Maybe you’re right!
Little Jeffie G: I know I am! Let’s go play!
Little T: Actually, on second thought, Little Jeffie G… I’m not sharing anything with you, because I think you’re gay.
Little Jeffie G: That’s not very nice! Wait, what does ‘gay’ mean?
Little T: It means when you take the hike from the center, you try to touch him in his naughty place.
Little Jeffie G: That’s SICK!
Little T: (singing) Jeffie G is gay-ay, ha ha ha… Jeffie G is gay-ay, ha ha ha…
Little Jeffie G: Stop it!
Little T: Your boyfriend is a priest!
Little Jeffie G: I hate you! You’re really mean, and you can take your football and stick it where the sun doesn’t shine, mister! I don’t want to play anymore! And by the way, I’m dating a Playboy model!
Little T: No one’s going to believe that, Jeffie.
Little Jeffie G: Why, because I look like Boggs from The Shawshank Redemption?
Little T: No, you because you’re four years old.
Little Jeffie G: SHUT UP!
Little T: JEFFIE G TRIED TO KISS ME ON THE MOUTH!
(Little T then shocks Little Jeffie G in the face)
Little Donnie Mac: Hey, what’s going on here? Aren’t we all friends?
Little T: I’m not friends with Jeffie anymore, because he touches boys. Will you be my new friend?
Little Donnie Mac: Sure!
Little T: Okay, just throw me the ball, okay?
Little Donnie Mac: Okay!
(Little T runs a deep 20-yard post corner route, and Little Donnie Mac’s throw is woefully short)
Little T: You said you’d throw it to me!
Little Donnie Mac: I tried, but you went too far away!
Little T: I went to the endzone, because that’s where touchdown makers go!
Little Donnie Mac: It’s 35 yards away!
Little T: So what? I’m all jacked up on Ripped Fuel, creatine and Mountain Dew!
Little Donnie Mac: I like Happy Meals.
Little T: Throw me the damn ball, you jerk!
Little Donnie Mac: You’re 35 yards away, and I’m FOUR YEARS OLD!
Little T: I hope you die.
Little Donnie Mac: I wish you wouldn’t say mean things like that, T. You don’t mean that.
Little T: Yes I do, and you aren’t my friend anymore! And I can say whatever I want, because my friend Kimmie says I’m the coolest kid in school!
Little Donnie Mac: Who’s Kimmie?
Little T: My publicist.
Little Donnie Mac: What’s a publicicicist?
Little T: She’s someone who tells everyone how great I am. She also said she’d touch my weiner if I gave her some of my Legos.
Little Donnie Mac: I’m telling. You’re gonna get in trouble.
Little T: You’re just jealous, because I have a cool new football and my very own publicist!
Little Donnie Mac: SHUT UP! I don’t even want a stupid publicicicicist.
Little T: You don’t need one, because you aren’t as awesome as me! Also, there’s no chance you’re going to go home and cry straight through nap-time and then wake up and try to slit your wrist with the little plastic knife that comes with your Lunchables!
Little Donnie Mac: I don’t think I want to be your friend anymore, Little T.
Little T: Good! Go be gay with Little Jeffie G! You two are totally gay for each other!