I can’t imagine the havoc that could be wreaked on a bathroom after a 62-year-old man eats 247 jalapeno peppers. Even worse, I can’t imagine the havoc that is wreaked on that guy’s asshole. He’s going to be walking around the next three or four days with the business end of a fire extinguisher shoved into his rectum.

In a competitive eating contest, this guy, Richard LeFevre, ate 247 japaleno peppers in eight minutes. For being so awesome, the guy won $2,000. $2,000 is not even going to cover the toilet paper that’s going to be necessary after something like that, and it’s also probably not going to cover the rectum replacement surgery that he’s going to need.

I did some research on the subject, and… yes, there is information available out there on this sort of thing. One gentleman at PoopReport.com had this recollection after eating 12 jalapeno peppers:

Fast forward to the following morning: I awoke feeling fine and headed out for work. Not two blocks away, my water broke. I farted, but that might qualify as the understatement of the decade. I sputtered and choked in the wake of my foul ass while rolling the windows down. At this point I honestly thought I’d shit myself because I was basically a paraplegic from the asshole down — my nerve endings had surrendered to the onslaught of that blast. Giving it the old stand-on-the-accelerator trick, I managed to make it two more blocks to a service station. I hopped out, grabbed the key-on-a-cinderblock, and began my walk of shame.

I grunted, I cursed all Heaven and Earth, I sweat, I pushed for twenty minutes while what felt like a flaming Louisville Slugger exited my battered orifice. Once I was spent, I *dabbed* my swollen anal canal and stood to survey the beast.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!?!”

My violator was almost exactly the size of a smallish jalapeno pepper, with the exact shade of green as the fresh fruit. To this day I’m amazed that something so small took so long to birth, let alone was able to burn and batter the ringpiece beyond all recognition.

– Bluespoo

Sorry about your cornhole, Richard Lefevre.