I can’t imagine the havoc that could be wreaked on a bathroom after a 62-year-old man eats 247 jalapeno peppers. Even worse, I can’t imagine the havoc that is wreaked on that guy’s asshole. He’s going to be walking around the next three or four days with the business end of a fire extinguisher shoved into his rectum.
In a competitive eating contest, this guy, Richard LeFevre, ate 247 japaleno peppers in eight minutes. For being so awesome, the guy won $2,000. $2,000 is not even going to cover the toilet paper that’s going to be necessary after something like that, and it’s also probably not going to cover the rectum replacement surgery that he’s going to need.
I did some research on the subject, and… yes, there is information available out there on this sort of thing. One gentleman at PoopReport.com had this recollection after eating 12 jalapeno peppers:
Fast forward to the following morning: I awoke feeling fine and headed out for work. Not two blocks away, my water broke. I farted, but that might qualify as the understatement of the decade. I sputtered and choked in the wake of my foul ass while rolling the windows down. At this point I honestly thought I’d shit myself because I was basically a paraplegic from the asshole down — my nerve endings had surrendered to the onslaught of that blast. Giving it the old stand-on-the-accelerator trick, I managed to make it two more blocks to a service station. I hopped out, grabbed the key-on-a-cinderblock, and began my walk of shame.
I grunted, I cursed all Heaven and Earth, I sweat, I pushed for twenty minutes while what felt like a flaming Louisville Slugger exited my battered orifice. Once I was spent, I *dabbed* my swollen anal canal and stood to survey the beast.
“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!?!”
My violator was almost exactly the size of a smallish jalapeno pepper, with the exact shade of green as the fresh fruit. To this day I’m amazed that something so small took so long to birth, let alone was able to burn and batter the ringpiece beyond all recognition.
– Bluespoo
Sorry about your cornhole, Richard Lefevre.
unc_samurai Says:
October 10th, 2006 at 7:49 am
There’s a Najeh Davenport joke in here somewhere.
Mr Furious Says:
October 10th, 2006 at 11:21 am
Sweet Jesus! That logo is perfect too, by the way…
soozycue Says:
October 10th, 2006 at 1:21 pm
Is there anything in the world more funny than poop?
The Big Picture Says:
October 10th, 2006 at 2:36 pm
2,000 bucks may not cover the plumbing bill either.
BoSox Siobhan Says:
October 10th, 2006 at 3:03 pm
Man, Ethiopian food repeats on me the next day; I can’t imagine what kind of ring-of-fire 247 jalepenos would give me.
Suss Says:
October 10th, 2006 at 3:13 pm
Key quote from original link:
“I cant feel my face,” he said when he was able to speak again.
The Dynamic Hispanic Says:
October 10th, 2006 at 3:27 pm
I used to work at a Subway a few years back. Every Sunday we would go to my friend’s house who had NFL Sunday Ticket and watch the games. One Sunday I got off work at like 11 AM and then headed over there. I made a sandwich with one thing of roast beef and about thirty to fifty tiny jalepeno peppers. We dared our friend, Danny, a tall asian kid, to eat the whole thing. We ended up pooling $34 to get him to do it, and he only did it because his car was almost out of gas.
The first bite, “Guys this isn’t so bad.” By the second bite he was running in circles and shit, and he drank a whole gallon of our friends milk. He ate the whole thing but looked like he was gonna die.
My friend and I had to drive him home in his car because he was doubled over in the backseat and couldn’t drive.
The next day at school I asked him if it was worth it.
He said it was worth it until that night when every five minutes he wanted to die and was taking shits nonstop. Then later on that day I saw him running through the halls saying “I gotta go man. I GOTTA GO!”
Best $11 (that’s how much I threw in) I ever spent.
fanuc Says:
October 10th, 2006 at 4:46 pm
dynamic that is a frikkin story for the grandkids!
highlifer Says:
October 10th, 2006 at 9:14 pm
I thought it said 247 jalapeno POPPERS. Just think, all those peppers with the addition of fried things and cheese.
James Says:
October 11th, 2006 at 12:03 am
Bad day to be an anus…
Another ass
James Says:
October 11th, 2006 at 12:04 am
Sorry heres the link
tony Says:
October 11th, 2006 at 1:42 am
“It was incredibly painful, I felt it pass through my torso and then I don’t remember much at all.” Doctors at the city hospital where she was treated for burns to the mouth and rear”
I think they stole this quote from the jalapeno story.
Mandalay Says:
October 11th, 2006 at 8:13 pm
I once ate about eight jalapenos while drunk. I can say with authority that the pain I felt the next day as my intestines rebelled was on par with childbirth. Of course, you don’t have to pay for jalapeno poop’s college or bail them out of jail, so that’s a plus
troy polomalu's hair Says:
October 13th, 2006 at 5:24 am
You know, there’s such a thing as spending too much time thinking about old men’s buttholes.
Captain American Says:
October 15th, 2006 at 7:07 am
I laughed so hard and loud at the story in the supplement article I woke up not only my roommates but the people in the apartment next to us.
And troy is right… still funny though.