Where Paul Hornung dipped his wick is now a relevant factor in Wisconsin’s race for secretary of state. A 65-year-old republican with no prior political experience, Sandy Sullivan, published a memior in 2004 that included tales of her doing the hibbity-dibbity with former Packers Paul Hornung and Dan Currie. Because nothing curries favor with voters like a 65-year-old woman telling sex stories.

The book was titled “Green Bay Love Affairs and Other Affairs,” and you’d have to assume that if it wasn’t about livestock, it would have to be about the Packers. This isn’t quite the sex boat scandal–unless Fred Smoot was somehow get this secretary of state candidate on one end of a dildo, and the state treasurer on the other–but it will do. Check out this passage from the book:

“The football players of the 1950s and ’60s were every bit as ‘HOT’ as the men of the present day, if not more so,” Sullivan writes of the days when she was a trim, miniskirted brunette who did some modeling. “Remember, the ’60s was the ‘dawning of the Age of Aquarius’ and some women … were thrilled to experience this brave, new freedom, and celebrate our sexuality … and the football players loved it!”

Hey, imagine that. The football players in the 50s and 60s liked mowing through hot young trim. What a crazy time that must’ve been! We just can’t relate to those radical modes of behavior. Oh, we’ve learned so much since those barbaric days. Yeah… the only difference between then and now was the amount of pubic hair on the ladies. Also, I think “celebrate our sexuality” is a tremendous euphemism for giving up the poontang.

Another interesting little tidbit is found in this quote from Sullivan, describing her book:

“It tells a little bit about my youth, which was 50 years ago. If anybody has any problems with it, they ought to look in their own closet.”

I just did, and other than the six decomposing prostitutes, I’m straight. But back to her quote… alright, she’s 65. So 50 years ago, she was, let’s do a little quick subtraction… she was… wait, how is Mark Chmura involved in this again? Some things are just Green Bay tradition, I guess.

She recounted an encounter with Hornung during training camp in which Hornung picked her up at 5:30 a.m. and drove to a Green Bay hotel for sex. Some Packer coaches were in the lobby, so Hornung made her climb the fire escape to the fifth floor while he went in through the lobby.

Never let it be said that Paul Hornung isn’t a classy guy. “Hey, sweetheart, would you mind climbing five stories on the fire escape, so I can bang that out real quick? Yeah. Thanks, baby. Get me a pack of cigarettes, too. See you up there.”

And just let me make it clear, that as amusing as all of this might be… from any sort of a political standpoint, I don’t really care. I mean, I don’t care about Wisconsin’s secretary of state, and even if I did, this wouldn’t affect my hypothetical vote. I don’t care that a political candidate was a whore fifty years ago. If I found out that Hillary Clinton once had sex with the entire roster of the Miami Dolphins in one evening, it wouldn’t change how I thought about her politically. It was 50 years ago.

Actually, I can’t say that that’s true. If she spread the whole roster out over two weeks, that’s one thing. But all in one night… yeah, I couldn’t support that. That would be dangerous and unsanitary. But you see what I’m saying.

Now, if this lady had gotten a Cleveland Steamer from Najeh Davenport, on the other hand… then we have a story.