Or some damn disease that you can get from swimming in mud. There’s a creek in Dripping Springs, Texas that runs through Lance Armstrong’s property. At the end of this creek is a large pool that the locals use for swimming, and late night teenage sexual encounters (probably), and Lance uses to ride his bike in, completely nude, apparently.
About a year ago, the 7-time Tour de France champion decided to build a dam on the creek, which caused the swimming hole to become as polluted as Elvira Hancock’s womb. So Lance had to remove the dam, and he spent a half-a-million dollars repairing creek banks and cleaning the thing up.
But the locals say that there are still several inches of gunk in the water, and they’d like Lance to fix it. They’re pissed off enough about it that they’re going public.
“It’s just so aggravating because it’s so obvious what’s the right thing for a decent person to do,” said Jerry Hill, a 51-year-old woodworker who has lived near the pool for nearly 25 years.
Hill and several other Armstrong neighbors said they’re making their complaints public in hopes the dispute can be settled out of court.
Armstrong says he isn’t sure that it’s his fault, and that he’s done all he can, and he’ll ultimately fix it, but … well, something has these people pissed off. And I’m guessing that if Lance already put $500,000 into fixing it, he has some idea that it’s his fault.
Just fix the damn thing, Armstrong. They say it’ll only $50 or $60,000 more to take care of it… if there’s even a chance that he’s at fault, I don’t know why he wouldn’t just take care of it. Even if he won’t do it because it’s the right thing to do, do it because if you don’t, you look like Dan Snyder.
Sheryl Crow would’ve never let him get away with this. She’d have grabbed him by the ear, written a sappy, three-chord song about the joys of skinny-dipping in Texas creeks, and taken care of this herself.
Andrew Says:
October 26th, 2006 at 8:01 am
For what it’s worth, his grandfather was a chaplain at the hospital my grandmother works at, and he was a complete douche as well.
DookieStyle Says:
October 26th, 2006 at 8:36 am
I guess I don’t understand the criticism. He’s said he’s gonna fix it. He’s already mostly fixed it. Give the guy a break.
Dave Says:
October 26th, 2006 at 9:36 am
“I guess I don’t understand the criticism.”
Because he shouldn’t have messed with it in the first place. Why do celebrities think they can just move major stuff around in nature without thinking of the unintended effects? I’m sure he needed a permit or an environmental review to put a freaking dam up. Everybody screams about these types of regulations, but it’s just these situations why they exist. Lance knows about bike riding and eluding drug sniffing Frenchmen, but precious little about drainage and water runoff. The residents are getting testy because they believe it is his responsibility to put it back in the condition it was before his poorly thought-out decision to create his nudie pool.
Just fix it, Lance, you arrogant ass.
scot[t]us Says:
October 26th, 2006 at 9:50 am
Yeah dave, because Lance probably built the dam himself. I’m sure he just got bored one day, went outside, and built a dam. All by himself. You don’t know the facts, whether there was a permit or not, so spare us your righteous indignation.
ANd what are these people complaining about? A “cloudy” pool. That has “sediment” in it. MJD, i think that may technically pollution, but it’s not like lance ran a line from his toilet out to the creek.
DookieStyle Says:
October 26th, 2006 at 11:24 am
Also, it looks like he built the damn on his property.
He probably should fix it. But…
I would personally tell everyone else to fuck off. Especially since I built the damn on my property.
the mighty mjd Says:
October 26th, 2006 at 12:21 pm
You must be the pride of your homeowners association. “Yeah, it’s my property, so I’ll build whatever the hell I want, and if it fucks with a treasured community resource, well, then you can lick my ball, because I’m awesome.” Solid.
Kn8 Says:
October 26th, 2006 at 2:11 pm
It’s all Lance’s fault. He could have hired some beavers to do the job and it would have been fine, but instead he used the beavers non-union Mexican equivalent. That’s what the people are really pissed about.
The Critic Says:
October 26th, 2006 at 3:25 pm
Joe Buck love this picture.
Dave Says:
October 26th, 2006 at 4:02 pm
“Yeah dave, because Lance probably built the dam himself. I’m sure he just got bored one day, went outside, and built a dam. All by himself. You don’t know the facts, whether there was a permit or not, so spare us your righteous indignation.”
Whether he actually constructed it himself or not is unimportant. It’s his property, so he’s responsible. And from what I’ve seen of Mr. Tour de France, even if the contractor told him he was messing with the environment, Lance would have likely said, “Fuck it. I’m Lance Armstrong, and if anyone doesn’t like it, they can suck my non-existent balls.”
As mjd so eloquently stated above, you just can’t do whatever you want on your own property. Everyone in the media sucks Lance’s ass so much, I’m sure if he had a permit or anything to support him, the papers would have put it in the first paragraph. If any of us had fucked with this type of situation, we’d have town and county and state inspectors and EPA guys crawling up our asses. But not mighty Lance.
By the way, can you tell that I think the guy’s a douchebag?
Mark Says:
October 28th, 2006 at 1:13 pm
Whatever. Make another post, MJD. I’m tired of seeing Lance Armstrong’s naked ass whenever I come to this page.
Rhondda Nunes Says:
October 29th, 2006 at 5:21 pm
I’ll tell ya someone who doesn’t kiss Lance’s ass anymore….Sheryl Crow…
larry king:Was lance helpfull when you were diagnosed with cancer?
Sheryl:he was the first to call…but….
larry king:So he WAS helpfull for you at that time….
Sheryl:No, at the time i just wanted people around that would be supportive of me with what i was going thru, & Lance wasn’t part of the circle that was supportive, though his friend (?) helped me out a lot….
& oh….MJD….there’s at least 6 chords in “All I wanna Do”….not that I’d expect non-musicians to be able to discern that. :)