A woman has filed a civil lawsuit against Zach Randolph of the Portland Trailblazers, claiming that he, um… well, that he did a bunch of wild shit, some of which would make him a dirty, dirty, bastard… and some of which would make him a rapist. Henry Abbott at True Hoop went through the legal documents and found the following notes…
Randolph allegedly offered $500 to a women he knew, and another he didn’t, to perform a live sex show.
Randolph allegedly wasn’t happy with the sex show.
The plaintiff, having had a lot to drink, allegedly fell asleep.
The plaintiff allegedly woke up to Randolph, umm, forcing entry in the back door. Twice. Which she allegedly resisted and did not want.
Randolph then allegedly forces some more entry, through the front door.
The plaintiff allegedly went to the hospital too late to collect any rape evidence (after slightly more than three days).
This is all really surprising, because so many good things can happen when you offer complete strangers $500 to exchange bodily fluids in front of you. I’ve never heard of a situation like that ever going wrong. Weird.
My guess is that the woman will be paid off, and that the civil suit will go away. Might be expensive for Zach Randolph… but it’s the easy way out of things, he won’t be going to jail, and no one will be on television discussing where his pubic hairs might have been found.
But the upside is that he and Kobe Bryant will have something to talk about next time they shake hands before a tip-off.
Kobe: Sucks, doesn’t it?
Zach: Pssh. Hell yeah, it does.
Kobe: You’re gettin’ off easy, brother. Believe that.
Zach: (begrudging nod)