The Chargers filled four positions yesterday. First, at head coach, they brought in Norv Turner (whose position is, I believe, listed inaccurately at Wikipedia). As defensive coordinator, they brought in Ted Cottrell. As linebackers coach, they brought in Ron Rivera. And in a completely unexpected move, the Chargers hired a Mexican day laborer name Pablo to kick me in the pancreas seventeen times a day. I’m looking forward to it.

I don’t know what to tell you here… it’s Norv Turner. Norv is like Ann, George Michael’s girlfriend on Arrested Development. There’s no reason to ever remember or think of him, until someone brings him up and you go, “Him?”

Anyway, I’m trying to be optimistic about things. Maybe, you know… maybe Troy Aikman’s right, and Norv will be a fantastic head coach. Maybe he’s not a loser, through and through. Maybe Norv has some kind of an inner winner that none of us know about. I’ve come up with three reasons for optimism:

• Unlike Marty Schottenheimer, Norv doesn’t have a reputation for sucking balls in the playoffs. Of course, that’s because he hasn’t had a chance to build such a reputation. He’s only been a head coach for one playoff game (which he did lose). But the fact remains, Norv does not have a reputation as a playoff loser. Just regular season.

• Norv has never taken over a good team before. In his two previous head coaching stints, he took over a Redskins team that went 4-12 the year before. With the Raiders, he took over for a Bill Callahan team that… well, they were coached by Bill Callahan. Maybe he’s got a special gift for taking over good teams, but is terrible at taking over bad teams. Plausible.

• I did enjoy the time he spent with the Chargers as their offensive coordinator… and I think both Phil Rivers and LaDainian Tomlinson will benefit from his being there. Honestly. As long as they don’t want a “winning record.”

That’s all I could come up with. I honestly am trying to keep an open mind about this. I didn’t want Marty to be fired, and I didn’t want Norv to be hired (and yes, I’m on a first-name basis with both of them), but it’s not like I have any say in the matter. My search for reasons for optimism will continue.