The Chargers filled four positions yesterday. First, at head coach, they brought in Norv Turner (whose position is, I believe, listed inaccurately at Wikipedia). As defensive coordinator, they brought in Ted Cottrell. As linebackers coach, they brought in Ron Rivera. And in a completely unexpected move, the Chargers hired a Mexican day laborer name Pablo to kick me in the pancreas seventeen times a day. I’m looking forward to it.
I don’t know what to tell you here… it’s Norv Turner. Norv is like Ann, George Michael’s girlfriend on Arrested Development. There’s no reason to ever remember or think of him, until someone brings him up and you go, “Him?”
Anyway, I’m trying to be optimistic about things. Maybe, you know… maybe Troy Aikman’s right, and Norv will be a fantastic head coach. Maybe he’s not a loser, through and through. Maybe Norv has some kind of an inner winner that none of us know about. I’ve come up with three reasons for optimism:
• Unlike Marty Schottenheimer, Norv doesn’t have a reputation for sucking balls in the playoffs. Of course, that’s because he hasn’t had a chance to build such a reputation. He’s only been a head coach for one playoff game (which he did lose). But the fact remains, Norv does not have a reputation as a playoff loser. Just regular season.
• Norv has never taken over a good team before. In his two previous head coaching stints, he took over a Redskins team that went 4-12 the year before. With the Raiders, he took over for a Bill Callahan team that… well, they were coached by Bill Callahan. Maybe he’s got a special gift for taking over good teams, but is terrible at taking over bad teams. Plausible.
• I did enjoy the time he spent with the Chargers as their offensive coordinator… and I think both Phil Rivers and LaDainian Tomlinson will benefit from his being there. Honestly. As long as they don’t want a “winning record.”
That’s all I could come up with. I honestly am trying to keep an open mind about this. I didn’t want Marty to be fired, and I didn’t want Norv to be hired (and yes, I’m on a first-name basis with both of them), but it’s not like I have any say in the matter. My search for reasons for optimism will continue.
Basshole
Norv may look like a bad choice, but picking up Rivera and Cottrell was good for San Diego.
February 20, 2007 at 9:20 am
Johnny
I can’t believe this. It’s hard enough being a Charger fan in West ‘Fuckin’ Virginia. I see 4-12 right over the horizon. But hey, we’re used to that by now, right?
February 20, 2007 at 11:27 am
flubby
Norv as Ann Veal. Good stuff.
“Oh, Norv. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I know Norv. Hey, you! He’s got a little hard-boiled egg going there.”
February 20, 2007 at 11:39 am
peytonloveskenny
Does this mean people are going to start referring to Turner as “Egg” and “Plant”?
February 20, 2007 at 1:02 pm
Johnny
Pretty sure Norv went 1-1 in the 1999 playoffs.
February 20, 2007 at 1:35 pm
Johnny
P.S. I’m different from the first Johnny. Sorry about that, fellow Johnny.
February 20, 2007 at 1:36 pm
Johnny
No problem Johnny. Nice name by the way.
February 20, 2007 at 2:30 pm
Xsperssively Chic
What was Norv’s record as a Head Coach 50 something to 70 something. He’s going to have to do alot to prove to me he’s the best canidate!
Wasn’t Rivera interviewing for the position also? He’s interviewed for every position that’s been open in the past 2 years… What’s up with his interviewing Skills?
February 20, 2007 at 5:24 pm
Biff
Johnny II is right, the Redskins beat the (wait for it…) Detroit Lions in the wild card round of the playoffs in 2000.
So Norv can beat the Lions. At least there’s that.
February 20, 2007 at 6:54 pm
HermantheGerman
Rather have Callahan than Turner……
February 20, 2007 at 8:46 pm
Alex
MJD, I have a few more reasons for optimism:
-Now that Norv Turner is in charge, you’ll get lots of high draft picks so that AJ Smith can stack the roster with great players. After five years, you’ll have the most talented team in the NFL (because, you know, it’s not like you already have the most talented team in the NFL that just went 14-2). Just make sure he doesn’t get the second overall pick, or else he might draft the next Ryan Leaf.
-With Norv at HC, you won’t have to worry about losing in the playoffs anymore, because you’ll never get there.
-After Norv overworks LT by having him carry the ball 370+ times in the regular season, ruining his career, AJ Smith will find the next LT in the draft.
Have fun with that.
February 21, 2007 at 10:59 am
Mr. Bojangles
Seriously, the Norv?
Andy Reid’s kids may be strung out on heroin, threatening to kill people and busting up Hondas on the freeway, but I’ll take that over the Norv anyday.
God have mercy on the Chargers.
February 22, 2007 at 11:41 am
jason
Why in the world did they fire Marty?!?! I don’t care if he had issues with the GM- he won games! And to bring in Norv Turner as his replacement? Sheer idiocy.
March 27, 2007 at 2:27 pm