12.31.2004
Poor Rick Neuheisel can't catch a break
Involved in a bit of a scandal at UW, Rick Neuheisel is now having a hard time getting a job.
"It has tarnished me and made it difficult for me to get an interview in the open marketplace," Neuheisel told The Associated Press.
Oh... so Rick Neuheisel has gotten a small taste of what it's like to be a black head coaching candidate, then. I'm sorry, but I can't muster a lot of sympathy for a guy who had his shot, blew it by gambling on college athletics, and now has to wait his turn to get back in. Not when there are, what, 3 black head coaches in Division IA football?
I'm going to have a hard time feeling too bad for Rick Neuheisel. And his complaining, to me, just seems like whining. There are a ton of guys out there who want jobs and can't get them, and they have clean records. They didn't gamble on college sports, they didn't lie about it, they don't pose a public relations nightmare to any school that hires them, and they're not in the media asking for sympathy. They just happen to be black. So suck it up, Rick, take a job as head coach of the Southeastern Milwaukee Fighting Woodchucks, prove you can run a clean program, and then maybe you can be Tyrone Willingham's assistant for a while.
Jermaine O'Neal is cool
I have yet to hear real, sincere apologies from either Ben Wallace or Ron Artest regarding their roles in the brawl at the Palace... and somewhere, Stephen Jackson is still looking to fight someone. I'm picturing him walking through downtown Detroit, looking for people who were in the building that night, screaming, 'YO, YOU WANNA FIGHT?"
But Jermaine O'Neal clearly grasps the situation, and is clearly very sorry... not only that it happened, but about his role in it. Give this a read. JO is a stand-up guy. I don't feel like I'm in a position to be judging anyone else's maturity, but... I will say that Jermaine O'Neal displays a maturity that seems to elude anyone else involved. He's not running from any kind of responsibility.
I was initially against the judge ruling in his favor and shortening his suspension, but... this has changed my mind. I do believe that David Stern should have complete and unchallenged authority over suspensions in the NBA, and I'm not changing my mind about that... but O'Neil's attitude, squeaky clean prior record, and activities in the community should count for something. I'm glad he's back.
Do the Ravens have a divided locker room?
I don't know if they do or not... and I really don't care. What I find interesting about this AP article is this paragraph:
"Linebacker Ray Lewis failed to show up to his corner of the locker room and address the subject Wednesday. He didn’t talk to the media after Sunday’s loss to Pittsburgh, either, so his take on the situation is unclear."
That is positively Sapp-esque. When things are going well, when he's making a contribution to the team... Ray's the first one to jump in front of a camera. But when Ray gets bitched around all day long, when he is absolutely incapable of wrapping up Jerome Bettis and taking him down, when Jerome puts Ray on his back and drags him four yards before going down... then Ray is nowhere to be found. Ray's hiding somewhere. He's gotta preserve that reputation... that's what keeps him in Pro Bowls, that's what keeps him on the cover of Madden.
The top 10 defensive players of all-time
Jason Whitlock gives his Top 10 NFL defensive players of all-time, and I think it's a pretty solid list. People coule argue forever, and no list is going to be perfect, but... he makes pretty good cases for the guys he's included.
I'm glad to see Junior Seau on there, I think he deserves it. He was an absolute game changer for a very long time... I fear that people will only remember his less-productive later years. Ray Lewis at #10, I'm not sure about, but... at least it's no higher than #10. I'm sure there are a lot of people who buy into the hype that would have him ranked higher. He was dominant for a while, sure... but he's not anymore, and if he never regains that form, then... I don't think that's enough of a career to justify inclusion on this list. I think Rod Woodson could make a strong list for inclusion ahead of Ray Ray.
Deion's at #7... and as a defensive player, that's probably about right. But if you were to include his overall impact on games, including special teams... his ability to take over a game is matched by few, if any, on either side of the ball. The argument about him not being a tackler is absurd... why isn't covering enough? No one would jump Randy White's shit for not being able to cover Jerry Rice, so why hold it against Deion that he wasn't a run-stopper? When he was on the field, he made things far more complicated for other offenses. Deion won games by himself.
Mike Singletary's #4, Joe Greene's #3, Lawrence Taylor's #2, and Reggie White's #1.
12.30.2004
Pasqualoni out at Syracuse
Was it the right call? Hard to say. Pasqualoni's done some good things at Syracuse, but the last few years have certainly been substandard. As Beano Cook might say, though, maybe Syracuse's slide is less indicative of Paul Pasqualoni's abilities than it is of the future of the Syracuse football program in general. It seems like recruits have finally figured out that, hey, it's cold and unpleasant in upstate New York, and they'd just rather not be there if they don't have to be.
But still, it's hard to blame the administration for the firing. Syracuse has been terrible, and, perhaps more importantly, attendance has been down. I don't know if another guy can straighten things out or not. For the future of the Big East, Dave Wannstedt's hiring is crucial, and the next hire at Syracuse is crucial. It's not a a huge stretch to say that the future of the conference rides on them.
Ben Roethlisberger jersey #1 in sales
1) Roethlisberger
2) Vick
3) Owens
4) McNabb
5) Sapp
Roethlisberger being #1 is probably the most newsworthy thing about the list of top-selling jerseys, but Warren Sapp at #5... come on. Why? Who's buying Sapp jerseys, and for what reason? Don't be fooled, people... Warren Sapp hasn't made a play since 2001. I expect more, even from the people of Oakland. I guess being a media whore and playing for a team with a criminal history is enough to get people to like you.
Roethlisberger is at the top for a couple of reasons. 1) He's new... no one has a Roethlisberger jersey yet, whereas fans of Vick or Manning or Favre probably already have their jerseys, and 2) Pittsburgh is an extremely rabid football city that also happens to love white quarterbacks. And none of this even counts any of the cheap-ass knock-off Roethlisberger stuff being sold. If there was an accurate way to measure that, it would be off the charts. Pittsburgh also loves cheap shit.
Furman wins by 93
Who the fuck is Furman beating by 93...
a) The Northern Alabama Academy for Blind Girls
b) The 1941-42 UCLA Bruns, reunited
c) The Dutch National Wheelchair Basketball Team, who forgot their wheelchairs
d) Virginia Intermont
The answer is d, Virginia Intermont. On the bright side for the Cobras, they have an excellent Equestrian team. Basketball, however... evidently not their specialty. The Division II NAIA'ers are 0-13. I have no idea how Furman got on their schedule. I know Furman isn't a powerhouse, but also appearing on the schedule for the Cobras are King College (to be played at Va. High School), Emory & Henry College, and Alice Lloyd College, twice. I guess they felt like they had to step up after narrow losses to Covenant College and Tennessee Wesleyan.
Furman hit 21 three-balls tonight. Why a team is shooting 21 three-pointers en route to a 93 point victory (including a 69-8 lead at the half), I have no idea. I guess it made them feel beter about themselves. Except for the guy who couldn't manage to score in a 93-point victory. G. Punch, I hope you aren't considering the NBA as a possible career choice.
No one wants to sit behind a loser
"I am not going to be content being a backup, that's just the bottom line," said Kurt Warner, who, if that's the case, should probably start preparing for an unhappy life. Unless he wants to go back to the Iowa Barnstormer days, Kurt Warner is probably not going to be going into next season as anyone's starter.
And I don't mean that to knock the guy, but... that's just how things are. The NFL is a what-have-you-done-for-me-lately business, and Kurt Warner hasn't done much for anybody lately. The only job he could maybe have an outside shot at is the Miami job, and while he'd be an upgrade over A. Jay Fiedler-Feeley, I'm guessing he won't be their first choice.
But it's hard to blame the guy for being unhappy... he's holding a clipboard for a sock-chewin' bitch, playing for an egomaniac tyrant who can't actually coach his team to a win, and is married to someone who kinda looks like him... not exactly a dream job scenario. I've never really liked Kurt Warner, but somehow, I now feel for him. I don't want to see him getting a shot at starting for my team, but I wouldn't mind seeing him get another shot somewhere.
12.29.2004
Crazy veterans get huffy about Lambeau flag lowering
Packers president Bob Harlan ordered the U.S. Flag outside of Lambeau Field flown at half-staff yesterday in honor of Reggie White. Some veterans in the area are bent, because that's an honor only veterans can receive, according to the official flag code.
"I don't believe the U.S. flag should be flown at [half-staff] for anyone unless it is authorized by our government," said some crazy old coot with nothing else better to do. "It sort of denigrates the service of those in Iraq and Afghanistan who have lost their lives."
Ummm... not really. What denigrates the service of those in Iraq and Afghanistan is the bodily harm they're put in front of every day, for no real reason. I think that ranks a little bit higher on the denigration scale than the height of a flag in Wisconsin. I don't want to disrespect any veterans, but... just take your ass back to the VFW, old man, watch some Wheel of Fortunte, order yourself a double scotch, and shut the fuck up.
Alright, I guess that was kinda disrespectful. Sorry.
It's a flag. The Packers have done this before for other non-veterans, and you didn't bitch then. The Packers brought in all of the families who had lost a loved one during the war for a game this year and honored them all. I think Bob Harlan has more than done his part to honor our nation's veterans.
If you want to do something for veterans, old man, why don't you write your president a letter and ask him why wounded soldiers are returning home, and getting bills for the medical care they received after being shot up in Iraq? Why don't you try to find out why guys over there are forced to into battle without full armor? I think maybe that's the more patriotic thing to do. Or spend all day worrying about the Packers organization trying to honor Reggie White.
Kyle Turley denies threatening to kill Mike Martz
Congratulations to those of you who had Mike Martz in your "First Coach to Have His Life Threatened by a Player" Pool this year. It seems that he narrowly edged Tom Coughlin.
This is awesome. Mike Martz and Kyle Turley were allegedly screaming at each other, and it came to a head with Turley allegedly threatening to kill Mike Martz. Sources are telling ESPN that Martz filed a report with NFL Security about the alleged death threat. I'm getting really tired of all forms of the word "allege."
I don't like either Turley or Martz, so... I'm really hoping this happened. I mean, I don't want him to kill the guy, but... as long as it isn't my team, what could be bad about an offensive lineman threatening to kill his coach? I think everyone, at some point or another, has had the urge to put a knife in Mike Martz... why should Kyle Turley be any different from the rest of us?
This is golden. Threatening to kill a coach isn't quite as dumb as killing someone over an argument about cars (see below), but it's not serious enough that we can't make fun of it.
The incident apparently stems from a comment Martz made about Turley not being totally committed to rehabbing his back. Turley confronted him, and it went from there.
They now both deny it... but someone out there with NFL Security knows if it's true or not. That report exists somewhere. I hope some more comes out about this.
Bzdelik whacked in Denver
There were rumors in the offseason about the firing of Jeff Bzdelik, and the general public reaction was disbelief. The Nuggets had such a huge turnaround, they made the playoffs, they were an exciting team, what's a guy have to do, etc. etc. etc...
And yeah, all those things were true, but it was also clear that they weren't going any farther under Jeff Bzdelik. My guess is that GM Kiki Vandeweghe wanted to fire him, but didn't, because of public perception... but now, sitting at 13-15, he should be kicking himself for not doing it sooner.
The Nuggets games I've seen this year have been ugly. Here's how the Denver offense has worked: Player 1 will have the ball. The other four players will stand around with their hands at their chests, waiting to be passed the ball. Player 1 will either shoot the ball, or pass it to one other guy, who will then immediately shoot the ball. This is a move that had to be made, and should've been made in the off-season. Jeff Bzdelik will probably get a chance somewhere else down the line.
In steps Michael Cooper, one of the best defenders in NBA history... presumably to up the defensive intensity, and run like hell on offense. This can't be anything but a positive for the Nuggets.
Death toll continues to rise in Asia
60,000, and still climbing. Millions are homeless. I remember the first reported death toll I read was about 6,000... it just keeps on skyrocketing. A tragedy like this is just unfathomable. More then 20 times more people died because of this thing than did on 9/11... and the diseases that are going to ensue from this thing could double the death toll. This makes 9/11 seem like a paper cut.
And here's what I'm wondering... how much will the United States contribute to relief efforts? Will it approach the $157 billion that we've spont on pretty much pure revenge for 9/11? Will it be in the neighborhood of the $177 million we spend on the Iraq war, every single day?
Vanderbit player killed over argument about cars
This is both monumentally tragic and completely absurd. A running back at Vanderbilt, Kwane Doster, was killed Sunday morning, and today, reports surface that indicate he was killed by a guy he was arguing with earlier about who had the nicest ride.
Arguing about who has the nicest car is dumb to begin with. Killing someone over it... I dunno. I refuse to believe that people like that exist. I refuse to believe there is a human being out there who would kill someone over an argument about who has the nicest rims. I refuse to believe that this scenario is possible:
Moron 1: I'm rollin' on 22s, bitch.
Moron 2: Yeah, well I got some 24s, ya punk ass.
Moron 1: Well then I guess I have to kill you.
What's the guy going to do, kill everyone in the world who's got 24s and a Blaupunkt system? I just can't believe this happened. I don't believe it. Something else had to be involved... If you're going to kill someone over an argument, I at least hope some kind of a mother joke is involved or something.
An absolute tragedy. My sympathy goes out to everyone involved, for multiple reasons.
12.28.2004
The Terrell Owens excuse
Yes, the Eagles rested McNabb and Brian Westbrook and Tra Thomas... but I'm pretty sure that was mostly the Eagles first-team defense that the Rams ran all over on the first drive of the game. 10 straight plays, all of them runs, 73 yards gained, over 5:00 on the clock chewed up... and that was the Rams. What would a team like Pittsburgh or New England do to them? The TO injury gives them a nice excuse, but an overrated defense is the reason the Eagles can't be considered serious threats to win the Super Bowl.
Statistically, they're 11th in the league against the run, allowing 110.4 yards a game. However... all but one of the teams in front of them in that particular statistic is a possible playoff team, so they'll be among the worst run defenses in the playoffs. Also... the Eagles are usually playing with a lead, so they have way fewer rushing attempts against than do most teams. When you look at yards given up per carry, the Eagles rank 18th with 4.3.
I'd like to say that a team like that has no chance to get to the Super Bowl, but sadly... the NFC eats wang. If the Washington Huskies were in the NFC West, they'd probably be competing for a wild card spot. Of the teams that Philadelphia could face in either the NFC Championship Game or the Super Bowl, six of them are in the Top 11 in the league in rushing. Atlanta, Pittsburgh, San Diego, New England, Green Bay, and Indianapolis, in that order. I don't think the Eagles could beat any of those teams in a playoff game, with or without TO.
From the Mailbag...
Kinda funny, you make fun of the Vikings for blowing a lead in the fourth quarter, but the Chargers blow one too, 15 points if I am not mistaken. Does that make them bitches? By the way I was rooting for the Chargers to break Manning's arm, so his cheap ass record wouldn't be set.
Love the Smorgasbord!
- Mike
I didn't make fun of the Vikings for blowing a lead in the fourth quarter. I made fun of the Vikings for always blowing leads in the fourth quarter. Green Bay's done it to them twice this season, and the Vikings tried like hell to let Detroit do it to them. The Vikings refused to put away Seattle or Chicago is games they could have easily won, and needed to win. And, of course, there's the epic meltdown against the Cardinals in the final regular season contest of last year.
Did the Chargers melt down in the 4th quarter yesterday? Sure. But the Chargers defense, over the past few weeks, has done the exact opposite, coming up with big plays to win when it needed to be done. If they made a habit of it, sure, I'd call them bitches... but I don't see any reason to do so just yet.
A brief history of athletes doing each other's wives and girlfriends
Anna Benson and Vanessa Bryant are mentioned, but I never knew about any of the rest of them. This is a quality read from Slate.com.
I had no idea that Jeff McInnis was accused of banging Phil Ford's wife while he was at UNC. I do have a slight recollection of Joe Horn being accused of laying pipe with Willie Roaf's wife. Said Joe Horn of the allegations, "We make mistakes sometimes. But that is one mistake Joe Horn did not make. I did not sleep with Willie Roaf's wife." Whether he did or not, you've got to applaud the all-too-rare 3rd-person reference in a quote about having sex with an offensive lineman's wife. McInnis denies his allegations, too.
There's also reports of Jason Kidd and Jimmy Jackson fighting over the affection of Toni Braxton. Everyone involved denies it. Some Australian rules football player was caught in the bathroom with a fellow players wife in 2002. That one happened.
Indians outfielder Rick Manning stayed home with an injury one year, piping Dennis Eckersley's wife while the team was on the road. Eck won 20 games that year. And, of course, there's the story of Yankee pitchers Mike Kekich and Fritz Peterson who did some wife-swapping.
Longwood frightens Illinois
Andy Katz wrote a long article previewing what's probably the biggest mismatch in the college basketball season, #1 Illinois against... Longwood.
Longwood coach Mike Gillian had a plan to stop the game with a timeout if Longwood jumped out to a 2-0 lead, and get a picture of the scoreboard. The Lancers never did get that lead, but they stuck with Illinois for much of the game, coming within 7 points in the 2nd half. Not bad. Congratulations to Longwood for a solid performance.
Incidentally, I was recruited heavily by Longwood out of high school to be their mascot.
Giants players hate Tom Coughlin
Apparently, most of the assistant coaches do, too. "Guys absolutely hate Tom Coughlin," one Giant told the New York Post. "He's not the type of coach we're going to go and put everything on the line for. Guys don't play for him; we play because we have to play and you're not going to win that way. Arguments go on every day in that building, cursing out between the players and the coaches."
"We will not win here when he's the coach," another veteran added. "It's coaches against the players. It's Coughlin against the coaches. There's no team atmosphere or camaraderie."
And according to another player, all of this is coming out immediately after Coughlin asked the team to support him in the media. I guess a few of the Giants didn't really like that idea, and went the throw-this-bastard-under-the-bus route instead.
This is all awesome. The Chargers have the Giants' first round draft pick, and right now, only four teams have worse records than the Giants, and the G-Men could catch two of them next week. That draft pick keeps getting higher and higher. Merry Christmas to MJD, from Tom Coughlin.
This is what happens when a taskmaster coach can't win. Players will put up with being verbally abused, with being screamed at, with being punished, as long as there's something in it for them: wins. When a team can't win, though, the misery snowballs, and you end up with a mutiny.
It's hard to envision it being a good idea for the Giants to go into next year with Tom Coughlin as their head coach.
12.27.2004
Researchers find gay penguins in Japanese aquariums
For those of you wondering where Mario Lemieux has been hanging out during the work stoppage...
12.22.2004
Website Neglect
I'm a douchebag. I just haven't had any time the past few days, with getting things done for Christmas, friends in town visiting, alcohol binges... there just hasn't been time. I wasn't even able to watch a full day of football on Sunday, and that just never happens. That's like the pope not staying for the entire mass. I'm sorry... I am a sock-chewin' ass bitch. I'll squeeze some updates in when I can, but things will be sporadic until at least like the 27th...
But thanks for visiting anyway... I'll get at back ya soon.
Much love,
- mjd
12.17.2004
Man, LeBron sucks
And Larry Brown was a genius to bench him during the Olympics. That punk-ass only had 11 points last night against the Pistons. Loser.
No, I'm not serious... but what I said was no more ridiculous than people saying, "Oh, he showed Larry Brown!" when he torched the Pistons earlier in the year. Did Larry show him tonight?
Sorry... I just seem to have a natural instinct to defend Larry Brown. But the real story here is the fact that the Pistons decided to play a little defense tonight... in the 2nd half, at least. The Cavs had a 6-point 3rd quarter, and were held to 69 for the game.
The intensity has just not been there for the Pistons this year. I didn't think they'd be a team to have a letdown like that... but they did. The attitude that got them to a title has not been present in the early portion of this season. Fortunately for them, though, the NBA season is about 40 games too long, and there's plenty of time to right the ship.
The favorite books of NFL players
The good news is... NFL players read books. But some of these choices for favorite book are kinda weird.
Kevin Carter of the Titans lists his favorite book as Steinbeck's The Grapes of Wrath. An odd choice... and a book that's depressing as all hell, but it's solid. And Jonathan Ogden goes with Angels & Demons by Dan Brown... not a classic, but a fun read, with some interesting stuff. After that, however... it goes like this. Jerome Bettis: Trump, by Donald Trump. Donte Stallworth: Mind Manipulation: Acient and Modern Ninja Techniques. Mike Minter: The Purpose-Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For?
Trouble in Blazerland
Internal strife with the Trailblazers... shocking, isn't it? I just hate to be one of the guys who piles on with easy shots at the Trailblazers, but they just can't seem to get things turned around. I don't even mean in terms of wins and losses, I mean in terms of having a cohesive team, people who actually like each other, interact happily, and do so outside of prison walls.
This isn't major, certainly, at least by Blazer standards, but it's worth mentioning. Zach Randolph got pissed off because he wasn't getting the ball enough. Nick Van Exel yelled at him. "Where's your head? Damn, we go to you every time."
I guess that's not enough. The poor guy only gets 17 shots a game. After Van Exel put him in his place, he looked the other way and sulked. He played the next 18 seconds, and Mo Cheeks then sat him for the rest of the game. Randolph spent the entire time sulking.
Zach Randolph's a perfect example of why the NBA isn't as good as it could be. Exceptionally talented guy, great scorer... and has no idea how to play basketball. He can't defend anyone, and as soon as he gets double-teamed, you can just about chalk up a turnover or a brick. Not much of a team guy, either, it seems. It's too bad.
More reasons to hate E(vil)A Sports
I'd like to send a shout-out to the person who sent this in, but... well, if you read this, you'll see why I shouldn't.
I bitched about EA Sports the other day, and really, what I bitched about pales in comparison to this, a story of a couple of people that have had a rough time dealing with EA labor practices. We're talkin' 85-hour work weeks, with no overtime pay, no comp time, and no way to do anything about it except quit.
And there's more. If you've got a few, give this a read. There's a long-ass list of companies that do some fucked up things that I should boycott, but can't, because damn near every American company does them... prison labor, sweatshops, etc. It's impossible to avoid. It's everywhere... and I'm not about to become one of those cats who only wears handmade burlap clothing and buys all my food at co-ops. So I just have to live with being a typical consumption-whore American bastard.
EA Games, though... I can live without. I don't have to play NFL games. I don't even have to play The Godfather game that's coming out. I'm done with EA.
12.16.2004
DC Baseball in Trouble
Some lady named Linda Cropp did something in DC that apparently has put the whole Washingtion Nationals thing in jeopardy. Cropp, a city council member, insisted at the last minute that half of the construction costs for the new ballpark be privately funded.
I guess this has put the whole deal on hold. People in DC are bent... and I can understand that. They've been teased with baseball for so long, and all the sudden, some city council member puts the kibosh on the whole deal. I'd probably be upset to. But, as Jim Caple says here, and I'd agree... Linds Cropp did the right thing.
Basically, putting the stadium together, all told, will cost about $600 million. What Cropp wanted the owners to pay was $140 million, leaving the city to still pay about $460 million. Why is that unreasonable? A very sound argument could be made that a city putting up even $460 million for a baseball team is about $460 million too much. All she's asking is that the owners pay $140 million of it. I'd applaud her for that... if I didn't think she should ask them to pay all of it.
Garnett punked out once again
And this time... it was by Matt Bonner. Not Anthony Peeler, not Francisco Elson... Matt Bonner. This guy punked out Kevin Garnett.
Here's what went down: Garnett went to the rack, and Matt Bonner hit him with a hard foul. It was called a flagrant, which I think is justified. Bonner seemed to be happy with himself, doing a little celebrating. And then KG "went after him," but was held back by Sam Mitchell and ref Anthony Jordan. Latrell Sprewell did get through to push Bonner. Bonner was ejected, but his Raptors went on to beat the Wolves.
If Kevin Garnett really really wanted to get at someone... Sam Mitchell and Anthony Jordan aren't holding him back. KG is 7 feet tall, and one of the quickest and most agile people on the planet. If he wanted a piece of Matt Bonner, he could've had it. Spree found a way to get there... and if KG wanted to, he could've. But he didn't. And from that point on, the Raptors had all the momentum, and they won the game.
Guys are going after him now. It's going to keep happening until Garnett proves he's willing to do something about it. When the playoffs come around, I guarantee you will see someone taking a shot at Garnett, just to see what happens.
The Viper on Kobe
Kobe was back in the headlines today. He went on PTI and said he wanted to apologize to Shaq for telling federal investigators that he paid off women to keep them quiet. Gee, ya think? Ya think that might be something you want to apologize for? Ratting a guy out to the feds, and letting his wife know that he's laying pipe in NBA cities all over the country... nah, no apology's necessary. I'm sure Shaq was fine with it. Something tells me Shaq wouldn't be too receptive to that apology. There was a time, when for the sake of the team, Shaq had to get along with Kobe. He no longer has that obligation. Succeeding phone calls by Bryant to the Malone home were both menacing and malicious. According to hand-me-down sources (Kaye called Shaquille O'Neal's wife and Gary Payton's wife and the word spread from there) Kobe ratted out Karl, saying he fools around on the road all time; shades of snitching on Shaq when the Eagle, Colo., police picked him up. You know, of course, what's next: Karl will expose Kobe's theoretical dalliances all over the planet. This just in: Kobe insists the Lakers re-sign A.C. Green."
Anyway, Peter Vecsey of the New York Times wrote a nice column on the Kobe/Karl situation. Check it...
"It's insane, it's stupid and it's getting messier by the moment.
12.14.2004
EA Sucks
EA Sports has had a monopoly on NFL video games for years, absolutely dominating with the Madden franchise. This year, ESPN's NFL 2K5 made a serious run at them in quality. They made an excellent game, put a $20 price tag on it, and it couldn't overtake Madden, but... they made a dent. They cut out a signifigant portion of the market share. And critically, the ESPN game was rated as high, if not higher than Madden.
So what does EA Sports do... they buy an exclusive licensing agreement with the NFL, thus prohibiting any other company from making an NFL game with any NFL teams, players, or stadiums.
That's just a bitch move. Someone challenges you, so you, your lawyers, and your bank account keep them from even trying to compete in the future? Unbelievable. They felt threatened, and instead of stepping it up and making a better game, they just eliminate all competition.
Who loses? Me, you... anyone who likes NFL video games. Not only is choice completely eliminated from the market, but now EA has no reason to strive to make a better game, or offer it at a better price. Ultimately, the customer loses... big time.
I'm done with EA. Since the days of the Sega Genesis, I've probably bought a minimum of 3 EA Sports games every... single... year. And I'm done. I'd encourage you to be done with EA, too... I don't care if it means I don't get to play a football game at all next year. The last EA Sports game I bought was March Madness 2005, and it will be the last EA Sports game I ever buy. In addition, the game was terrible. ESPN's College Hoops 2K5 absolutely annihilates it.
Coughlin sticking with Eli this week...
...which means my Saturday just got a lot better. I'll be watching Steelers vs. Giants, and I can't think of many better ways to spend a Sunday afternoon than watching Eli Manning get pulverized by the Steeler defense, the Giants record get worse, and the Chargers draft pick get higher and higher.
Watching Eli against the Ravens this past week... even I started to feel bad for the guy. Well, OK, I didn't. But if I had even a slight bit of human sympathy for that sock-chewin' bitch, or any member of his fucking family, I might have.
By the way, that decision to avoid San Diego is really looking good right about now, isn't it? Eli could've spent this past week holding a clipboard in 80-degree weather in San Diego, gravy-training a 10-3 team, rather than taking a savage beating in Baltimore while playing for a team that has no chance to accomplish anything. Yeah, good call. Maybe you'll think twice next time before taking advice from your father, who made a career out of being a loser in the NFL, and apparently, in fatherhood, too.
Russia has racist pricks, too
Some NHL players were playing a Russian all-star team in St. Petersburg, Russia the other day... and twice, the game had to be stopped because some Russian doucheweed threw a banana or a banana peel on the ice when Anson Carter was out there. Carter is black. And a hockey player, too.
Carter is downplaying it, saying that it's no big deal... but it certainly is. It had to have hurt him. The guy's in Russia, trying to play some hockey, trying to pay some bills, and some Russian doesn't have the good sense to hide his racism like we do here in America. Right now, Carter is probably longing for road games at Carolina, where people clap in public for him before they go hop in their truck, covered with rebel flag stickers.
Come on, Russians... no one over here throws bottles of Vodka at Sergei Federov. No one throws Russian tea balls at Pavel Bure. I don't think anyone ever even did anything that fucked up to Nikolai Volkoff. In all seriousness, all of his teammates should quit the next game, the first time they see a banana or anything like that. Everyone should just walk.
12.13.2004
Kobe... come on, man.
This is both ridiculous and awesome. Awesome because it's rare that things get this personal, and the public also is informed about it. Ridiculous because... well, the whole thing's ridiculous. Here's what went down between Karl Malone and Kobe Bryant.
Here's what went down. Kobe and Karl were tight... and so were there families. At a game at Staples last year, Vanessa Bryant asked Karl to come sit by her. Karl was wearing cowboy boots and a hat and went to sit by her. She said to him, "Hey, cowboy, what are you hunting?" Malone answered, "I'm hunting for little Mexican girls."
Yeah, that's terrible... bang some girl in a Colorado hotel, and that's fine, but don't dare make a harmless little joke to the woman, because that's wrong. Kobe can't care about her THAT much. If he did, he wouldn't be making her sit through press conferences where he admits to cheating on her.
So Vanessa and Kobe apparently both took Karl's comment to mean, "Hey, why don't we go fuck like caged rabbits." Maybe it's just me, but... it seems clear that Karl's comment was playful and meant as something in jest between friends. Am I wrong? The only thing that strikes me as being remotely offensive about it is that the girl might not be Mexican. I have no idea.
So Kobe called up the Mailman and said, "Stay away from my wife. What's wrong with you? How could you?"
I just can't believe this whole thing has started over this. Isn't "Hey, cowboy, what are you hunting?" kinda suggestive itself? It's playful, it's just friends being friends... Grow the fuck up, Kobe... learn to trust a friend. Karl Malone has been nothing but good to you, and you're gonna take this harmless, flippant little comment, and go to the media, and try to make Karl Malone look like someone who would do a friend's wife? In the Karl/Kobe relationship, there's one sexual deviant, and there's not a lot of question about who it is.
You would not believe some of the outlandish things I've said to and about my friend's wife. I've suggested doing things with her that... you don't even want to hear about it... but I'm a filthy man, believe me. But I can do that because we're all friends, and there's a trust that exists between her and I, between him and I, and between him and her. It's just jokes between people who love and trust each other... and apparently that trust never existed between Karl and Kobe, between Karl and Vanessa, and considering what went down in Eagle County, I seriously doubt it exists between Kobe and Vanessa.
And there's the whole issue. Kobe was unfaithful, which give Vanessa a "Get Some Dick Free" card... and Kobe's paranoid as hell. He knows she's gonna cash it in sometime, and he is going to be ever-vigilant.
Kobe Bryant becomes more and more unlikable with each day. What kind of a person goes to Laker games and cheers for Kobe, I have no idea. I'd cheer for an OJ comeback before I ever hope Kobe wins a game.
I'm now hoping that Karl Malone signs with the Heat, teams up with Shaq, and on Christmas Day, Shaq and Kobe roll into LA and put a beatdown on the Lakers. And I hope Karl Malone throws down a dunk, turns around and jiggles his dong at Vanessa. Man, I really want there to be a Karl Malone/Kobe Bryant fistfight... can you imagine how ugly that would get? Oh, Kobe would cry...
Karl Malone, Shaq, and Ray Allen, now all hate Kobe... and those are about the three most respected guys in the entire league. Kobe's managed to alienate them all... it's impressive, really. That's quite an accomplishment. Kobe's making a strong case for least likable person in the history of the world.
12.12.2004
Weis to Notre Dame
Mort says so... Patriots offensive coordinator Charlie Weis will take over the head coaching job at Notre Dame. And it pisses me off.
Here's why: Notre Dame makes a complete clusterfuck of the situation, embarrasses themselves, infuriates people all throughout the school, does everything short of actually urinating on themselves... and they somehow manage to end up with the guy who was probably the best choice from the beginning.
And I'm happy for Charlie Weis, he deserves the gig, and has probably deserved a head coaching job for a while now... but now I have to root against him. Expect a lot of short passes from Notre Dame in the immediate future. Dinking and dunking, three yard pass after three yard pass, gaying their way up and down the field... and it will work.
Congrats, Charlie Weis. You suck, Notre Dame.
Leinart... Heisman... Yawn.
Congratulations to Matt Leinart... who gets to add his name to the list of distinguished Heisman quarterbacks, such as the legendary Andre Ware... the incomparable Ty Detmer... the renowned Gino Torretta... the immortal Danny Weurrfel... the illustrious Chris Weinke... and the heroic Eric Crouch.
Damn... if I'm Matt Leinart, I'm putting that bitch big bronze bitch on EBay tomorrow morning. I would want no part of that thing. The guy giving out the award should be like, "Congratulations, here's your Heisman... and thus, the end of your career."
But for the record, if I'd have had a vote, it would've gone to Reggie Bush. He's the only guy among the Top 5 candidates for whom I feel this statement is true: If you put him on any college football team, he will still be dominant. Leinart and White are both surrounded with, and heavily reliant on weapons... Adrian Peterson, not to diminish his accomplishments at all, runs behind an amazing offensive line. A close second would be Alex Smith, because Utah would likely fall apart without him. Well, maybe not fall apart, but... I don't think they'd be in the Fiesta Bowl, either.
And by the way, of the 10 top Heisman vote getters, only one plays at what could be considered an "Eastern" school. And since we can all agree that the Heisman is 100% a media creation, relying 100% on the media, and nothing else... we can squash all the talk of an "east-coast bias."
12.10.2004
Assistant to ND president... is shaved
She shaved her HEAD, ya fuckin' pervert. Chandra Johnson, assistant to the Rev. Edward A. Malloy, Notre Dame's president, took a razor blade to her dome in protest of Tyrone Willingham's firing.
"The process was flawed," Johnson said. "There weren't enough people in the conversation. And there was little or no consideration of the ramifications of the decision. I think the damage that was done by this decision is irreparable in the immediate future."
I gotta give it up to this woman. That is how you protest. Everyday, her boss will be looking at her shiny clean melon, and he'll know it's because he allowed a good man to get shitcanned for no good reason... and in the process, made herself the most attractive 50-year-old bald, Catholic, black woman I've ever seen. That is a straight-up gangsta thing to do. Major ups, Chandra Johnson.
The NBA's Image Problem
Jack McCallum at SI.com says he was talking to 75 boys high school basketball players, and asked them how many preferred the NBA to College Basketball... and one kid raised his hand. Which begs the question, what can the NBA do to fix it? He's got five things, including...
1. Get all-star players together to discuss image
2. Hammer out a new collective bargaining agreement
3. Establish standard procedures for in-game security
4. Look at ways to increase scoring
5. Market the game using more diversity and goodwill
Those are all great and all, and they might all be good ideas, but I think he misses the most important things. Here's why the NBA bores people: well, it's pretty damn boring a lot of the time. Guys walk up and down the floor, rarely showing any desire to expend too much effort, unless there's a chance to score. Here's my 3 things to do:
1. Age minimum
2. Change the way the game is called
3. Shorten the season
The NBA's gotta find a way to get back to a wide-open running style. Who doesn't miss seeing Magic's no look passes on the run, or Tom Chambers mullet blowing in the breeze as he spots up for a 3. Those were the days. Teams would put up 120, 130... and they wouldn't need 3 overtimes to do it. Back then, nearly everyone on the floor knew how to play basketball. At least offensively... and they could almost all shoot, too. Of course, no one back then played much defense.
Now, only a handful of players have that kind of offensive know-how, and not many of them can shoot, either. There's also a much bigger reliance on defense. Installing an age minimum at 20 would go a long way to upping the overall basketball IQ of the NBA. Guys will come in as better shooters, smarter players, and will do less dragging down of their own team. See: Curry, Eddy.
And if guys wanna play defense, there's not much you can do about it, and defense doesn't have to be unexciting. Post defense, and blocking shots... some of my favorite parts of the game. What I don't like, however, is all the holding, grabbing, and hand-checking. The refs need to call that stuff tighter... so tight that the second anyone grabs or holds someone, they get called for it. That's got to stop.
And perhaps most importantly... the season is too damn long. It's hard for a player, a coach, or a fan, to get too fired up about a November game on a Wednesday night against the Hawks, y'know? No one's going to be slapping the floor and giving 110% against the Knicks when there are still 60 games left to go in the season. I say cut the season in half. It'll never happen, of course, for monetary reasons... but if improving the quality and excitement of NBA games is the goal, start there.
Damn, that was long... I should've turned that into a Throwin' Bows. It'll happen, though. To quote my man Wooderson... Patience, darlin'... Patience.
Kenyon Martin = Peter Parker
Someone with the Nuggets was supposed to fax hotel arrangements somewhere, but screwed up... and sent them instead to the New York Post. The Post, as you might imagine, isn't shy about going public with what they've learned. A few aliases used by Nuggets players...
Carmelo Anthony... Paul Frank.
Voshon Leonard... Josey Wales.
Kenyon Martin... Peter Parker.
Martin, Marcus Camby, Kiki Vandeweghe, Jeff Bzdelik, and train Jim Gillen get suites. Everyone else slums it in regular rooms. And perhaps most interestingly... Earl Boykins asks to be assigned to be a different floor than the rest of his teammates. Maybe everyone picks on the little guy, and he wants to get away. Maybe he smells bad, and the rest of them want him to stay away. Maybe he's a sexual deviant and needs that much privacy. No idea.
Tale of the Tape: Babe vs. Dale
I love these. They're my favorite thing about Page 2 at ESPN.com... Nick Bakay's tape of the tape. This one, the most famous #3s... Babe Ruth and Dale Earnhardt Sr. A sample:
Where they dropped the hammer:
Dale Earnhardt Sr.: The final lap.
Babe Ruth: Whorehouses coast to coast.
Advantage: Push - hey, a man has many needs.
Enjoy...
12.09.2004
Michigan lineman... has some issues
Larry Harrison Jr,. defensive lineman for the Michigan Wolverines, has an interesting method of trying to meet women. Some guys try to impress with charm, some guys show off their cars and clothes, some guys rely on cheesy pick-up lines... Larry Harrison Jr. masturbates on their front porch.
Larry allegedly went to a house near the UM campus, stood on the porch, and started beating it. Larry Harrison is 6'3", 300 lbs. That is about the last thing I'd ever want to see on my front porch. I'd rather open my door and see Freedy Krueger there than see Larry Harrison Jr. beating off.
And really, that's not even the worst part. Larry is a suspect in 14 other cases of indecent exposure in campus neighborhoods since august. Police looked at Michigan's schedule and saw that the incidents stopped when the Wolverines were playing road games. When he showed up in court, he had not belt and his jeans were falling off his ass. Larry was handcuffed, so his father and his attorney keep pulling them up to his waist for him. I'd imagine that was not one of the proudest moments in dad's life.
This is incredibly sad... and more than a little disturbing. Larry needs some help.
Black Coaches Association doesn't like South Carolina
...and they're telling other coaches and football recruits to stay away, too. The BCA is upset because the Gamecocks hired Steve Spurrier so quickly, giving no consideration to any black coaches in the process.
And I'm sure there are those out there who say, "Hey, they have a right to hire whoever they want," etc., etc... and it's true, they do. But it's also true that there are 2 black coaches in college football, an embarrassing and frightening statistic for which every single institution shares responsibility. It's up to everyone to make an effort to correct it.
I'm glad the BCA is doing this. The organization is one of those things that everyone says they support, but no one really seems too inclined to ever do their part. There has to be a penalty for not considering black coaches, and if the NCAA won't do it, the BCA should do what they can.
Hockey mom shows jugs to 11-year-olds
This is the kind of story that just warms your heart around the holiday season. Some woman in Canada has an 11-year-old son who plays hockey. Mom went to a game, became upset about something, and lifted her shirt and jiggled the jugs in the direction of the children. That's... well, that's an interesting decision. Thankfully, Larry Harrison Jr. wasn't in the area. How does someone get to a point in their life where this seems like a good idea...
Of course, of all the people complaining, the children aren't among them. Other parents are, though. One parent left the arena, and ran into the flashing mom in the parking lot, and she screamed at her, "What the hell are you looking at? Have you never seen tits?"
I'm sure she has, actually... She's just never seen an old Canadian hag crazy enough to whip them out at a hockey game. Unbelievable. When contacted for comment, the woman said, "That's none of your business," she said. Oh, but your titties are? This woman needs some help.
Brady wins Sportsman of the Year
The Red Sox won SI's Sportsmen of the Year, and now Tom Brady wins the Sporting News' award... I think the sportswriters of America should all just get together and blow everyone in the New England.
Tom Brady's an excellent quarterback and all... in fact, if I had to pick one quarterback to build a team around, he'd be right there behind Drew Brees. But doesn't this award kind of come out of leftfield? From what I can tell from this article, Brady deserves the award because he doesn't have an entourage, and because he's a nice guy. And that's great and all, but... I dunno. Not that I care at all, but it's Sportsman of the Year, not photogenic guy who's managed not to inject steroids or rape anyone, right?
But congratulations anyway.
12.08.2004
Mailman unhappy with Kobe
Here's what Kobe said...
"It's not really fair to hold it over the guys' heads that are here. The guys that we have here are working hard, practicing hard every day. It's kind of tough for them to be looking over their shoulder, wondering if he's going to come back and then everybody is going to disappear."
"They are here giving me 110 percent. It's really not fair for us to sit around and speculate how long this is going to go on. I mean, you can't sit up here and speculate for he remainder of the season whether or not he is going to come back. I mean, that's not fair to the guys that are working here."
And here's what Karl Malone's agent said...
"Karl is furious. He felt very disrespected and betrayed after personally being the first to stand up for Kobe over the last year throughout his rape charge and all he went through."
Translation: "Hey, rapist... No one got mad at you when you decided to create the biggest distraction in the history of modern sports, all because you felt like blowing it in some woman's face. So maybe you should back off Karl while he decides what he wants to do with the rest of his hall-of-fame career."
Really, Kobe's comments seem pretty innocuous to me. I don't know what Karl's upset about. But I don't particularly like Karl or Kobe, and I'm never going mind any Laker strife, so... have at it, fellas. I hope to see it escalate to a physical confrontation between the two. Kobe will wish he was in the Colorado State Pen.
Ranking the Bowl games, 1-28
SI.com's Stewart Mandel makes an attempt to rank the most attractive bowl games, all the way from USC vs. Oklahoma at #1 down to... Good Lord, there are 4 bowl games worse than Northern Illinois vs. Troy (State). Georgia Tech vs. Syracuse in the Champs Sports Bowl, Marshall vs. Cincinnati in the Fort Worth Bowl, Wyoming vs. UCLA in the Las Vegas Bowl, and finally, Miami (OH) vs. Iowa State is the worst matchup in the Independence Bowl.
Bigger pussies: Seahawks, Vikings, or Colts?
The case for the Colts: Playing indoors on pretty turf may be conducive to putting up 40+ a game in the regular season, but that's not what matters in the playoffs. That's not going to matter when they have to win a road game in Pittsburgh or New England in January.
At that point, you need a running game, and you need to be able to stop the run. Peyton's Colts haven't been able to do either, and have always fallen apart when it counts.
The case for the Seahawks: You saw that game Monday night. Up 10 with 2:00 to play, at home against Vinny Testaverde, and they can't seal the deal? Are you kidding me? Richie Tenenbaum didn't melt down that bad.
Every year, someone talks about the Seahawks being a Super Bowl contender, and every year, Mike Holgrem spends 8 or 9 of his Mondays trying to explain how his team just layed down like $3 whores against a terrible team.
The case for the Vikings: The difference between the Vikings and Seahawks is that in Minnesota, is that there's even more talent, and the collapses are even more spectacular. Last year, starting 6-0, finishing 3-7, and letting Josh McCown beat them is a must-win Week 17 game?
And just this Sunday, losing to the Bears? The Bears who have had 86 different starting quarterbacks this season, none of whom would start for Duke University? Inexcusable.
It's a tough call... I'm going with the Vikings for right now, but if the Colts get pushed around again in January, they'll earn the title. What's your call?
Lose a finger, get a yellow card
This isn't good. This Swiss soccer playing fella scored a goal, and then ran around like an idiot for a while. In celebration, he climbed up onto a fence to celebrate with the fans... as he attempted to descend, his ring got caught in the fence. He jumped down, his finger didn't make the trip down with him. Ouch.
So as the guy's screaming in agony, bleeding like someone stuck a tap in him, and looking at his finger hanging from a fence... the ref slaps him with a yellow card for excessive celebration. That... is fucking cold.
I am a feminist... and fuck you.
I want to apologize for not having a blog update yesterday... I had a couple of more pressing things to tend to. And one of them is this...
I'm taking a Feminist Theory class, and the final project was to write a manifesto of sorts, kind of a mission statement, or a public declaration of goals or principles. So I wrote mine about how men can benefit from the principles of feminism.
Now, I realize you came here for sports and not feminism... but hey, it's my website, fella. I'd feel like kind of a pussy if I wrote this thing, which I believe in and think it's important, and didn't take my criticism of men directly to men themselves. So here it is... and I know you'll think I'm fruity as hell, and you'll probably stop visiting the site... but I don't give a fuck. I'm posting it anyway, and I want you to read it, because I care about you.
So here it is.
Petrino, Hawkins, Tedford also not going to Notre Dame
The head coaches at Cal, Louisville and Boise State will all be staying put. All were rumored to be candidates for the Notre Dame job, although there are no public indications that any of them were offerred or even approached by the Golden Boners. All have re-upped with their current institutions, in the process, making it clear that the Notre Dame job sucks and not even the biggest schmucks are interested. Next week, Greg Schiano's going to call a press conference and let everyone know he isn't interested.
So who's left? I have a feeling that Notre Dame is going to offer their job to their top 29 choices, get turned down by all of them, and by that time it'll be late January or February, when Patriots OC Charlie Weis becomes available... and Notre Dame will end up lucking out and giving the job to the best available candidate, despite the fact that they asked everyone from Steve Mariucci to Larry Eustachy first.
12.07.2004
Spree asks for oral sex
But unlike Denny Neagle, he didn't actually pay for it. As you've probably heard, Spree was caught on camera yelling a "sexual vulgarity" at a female heckler during a game last week against the Clippers. The "sexual vulgarity" in question was an authoritative "suck my dick." Who said chivalry was dead...
I've got no idea what the woman was saying, and if it was a man, Spree probably would've just chalked it up to something he's heard a million times before and will hear a million times again. But no one ever said the NBA was supposed to be a bastion of sexual/gender enlightenment, and hey, let's face it... there were probably a dozen women sitting courtside who were there in hopes of doing exactly what Spree suggested the one woman do.
And it doesn't really matter what the woman was saying. I just don't get why athletes can't shake this kind of thing off. There are very few things I can think of that would justify any kind of a hostile reaction. Being a professional basketball player, and someone screaming at you that your mother is a whore, for example, is far different then someone sitting next to you in a bar and telling you that your mother is a whore.
Basketball's your job, man. You're going to risk suspension because someone got liquored up and yelled something mean at you? Be a professional, shake it off, and pretend like you can focus when things get tough. If a heckler can rattle you, how can you expect to stay focused and perform in a truly clutch situation?
12.06.2004
Hey, guess what... The BCS sucks
Auburn, as expected... took the big stiff one. 12-0 in the best conference in football, winning their conference games by an average margin of 19 points, and getting left out in the cold. Why? Because before anyone played a game, the coaches decided they should be ranked only 18th. Oh... OK. As long as there's a good reason.
Bullshit. The whole thing is a sham. They'll be in the Sugar Bowl playing a red-hot Virginia Tech team. The least the BCS people could've done was match them up with Pitt. Just tell them, "Hey, sorry you got screwed. Here's Pitt. Take the week off."
The national title game will be on January 4th between USC and Oklahoma, either of whom could beat both of the teams competing in tonight's Monday Night Football contest. Other fun games include Utah vs. Pitt in the Fiesta, Michigan vs. Texas in the rose, Miami vs. Florida in the Peach, Louisville vs. Boise State in the Liberty, and the Fort Worth Bowl between Cincinnati and Marshall should be riveting. In addition, Virginia is playing Fresno State in the MPC Computers Bowl in Boise. I was at a bowl game in Charlotte a couple of years ago, and only about 11 UVA fans made the short drive. If they don't take their band to Boise, they may not have any fans there.
Again, no Smorgasbord
And again, I apologize. I just couldn't bring myself to be jotting down notes during the Chargers/Broncos game, and even if I could have... I just don't have time to do it this week, anyway. Those of you who do look forward to it... believe me, I feel bad about it, and we'll be back in the saddle next week.
Pat Tillman's last moments
This is not easy to read. Details have surfaced about the death of Pat Tillman, and exactly how it came about. It wasn't a death where he was nobly charging after a bad guy... it was a death caused be negligence and mistakes by members of his own platoon, who weren't only shooting at Tillman himself, but rather an Afghan ally who was with Tillman, but who the other guys assumed was a terrorist.
Tillman's bravery and motives are unquestionable, but... well, I wish he would've made the decision to keep playing football. I don't know if his death or anyone else's in Afghanistan or Iraq has made the world any safer, and I know for sure that his death was needless, and that saddens me. Just absolutely fucking needless.
12.04.2004
Notre Dame turned down again
First, Notre Dame pulls a huge boner by firing Tyrone Willingham before they were sure they could get the guy they wanted. That guy went to Florida... and now comes the part where the next 5-10 guys they ask turn them down. Steve Mariucci became the 2nd name on that list today.
I hope this drags on and on and on until they're eventually talking to Buddy Ryan about the job. This is two consecutive hires for Notre Dame that have been complete clusterfucks. The rich whitey trustees at Notre Dame can't be happy... although everyone else interested in college football thinks it's damn funny.
But the fact of the matter is, even if the next 5 guys they ask do turn them down, they'll probably end up with a big name great coach anyway. Someone will take this job, and hopefully not do very well at it.
Meyer stiffs Notre Dame
I still think it's messed up for Urban Meyer to be pursuing another job while he's still got a bowl game to coach, but... he regained some popularity points with themightymjd.com staff when he gave Notre Dame the shaft today. Urban Meyer will be taking over for Ron Zook as head coach of the Florida Gators. I hope Notre Dame ends up with Rich Kotite.
So who does Notre Dame turn to now? Well, the list is long, but distinguished... just like my johnson. I think they should go back after George O'Leary. It says on his resume that he won the national championship with Central Florida this year. Another interesting candidate is New England Patriots offensive coordinator Charlie Weis, who is said to be interested in the job, for some reason. Other feasible candidates on this list include Dan Hawkins of Boise State, Bobby Petrino of Louisville, and Jeff Tedford of Cal. You know who isn't on this list? Black people.
As for the Utes, Urban Meyer has already said that he wants to coach the bowl game, but... that's gotta be a little weird. They should let the players decide. They all probably love their coach, and they'd probably vote to let him stay and coach it, but... I certainly wouldn't blame them if they were pissed off at Meyer for bringing all this distraction upon the program before the bowl game.
Paul Pierce stands and delivers
Just wanted to send some quick love to Paul Pierce, who I criticized yesterday. He stood in front of his team and apologized today. It was sincere, thorough, and a rare example of a real apology.
Pierce: "I mean, I was taken out for something I did offensively and that was the first time that has happened to me in my whole career. I had a reaction. It was pretty much uncalled for. It's tough, especially when you're trying to develop a team, especially when you've got a lot of young players. They see something like that go on and it's not really setting a good example. That's why I came in [yesterday] morning and apologized to everybody. I've got to do a better job of setting an example, regardless of the situation or the time of the game."
Manly. Nice job, Paul.
12.03.2004
Bonds: "I didn't know they were steroids"
Barry's now saying that yes, he did use a product he got from Balco, but he didn't know they were steroids. According to Bonds, the guy told him they were nutritional supplements flaxseed oil and a rubbing balm for arthritis.
Dude, you can get that stuff at Rite-Aid, OK? If you need some flaxseed oil, you can head to the Pharmacy section at Wal-Mart. You don't need to make a special trip to BALCO. That's like saying you wanted to buy some oregano, and you went to Nate Newton, and he sold you a brick of it. Come on, Barry. Flaxseed oil? Get the fuck out of here... Arthritis cream? What, like Ben Gay? You get Ben Gay from BALCO?
It's time to man up, chief, and admit it all. You are no longer fooling anyone.
In related news, Victor Conte is babbling again, talking about how personally witnessed Marion Jones jamming an HGH needle into her leg. He also mentions that the USOC can't detect a damn thing in any of their athletes, and that Bill Romanowski was his first client. Nah... Bill Romanowski shot up? I don't believe it. That's just crazy talk.
Pierce sulks, Doc sits him, C's win
We're a day late on this, but it's worth mentioning. In the 4th quarter of a close game on Wednesday night, Paul Pierce went into bitch mode, and started sulking on the court, refusing to run up and down the floor.
Doc Rivers and Gary Payton then combined to give him the good cop/bad cop routine. Doc sat him down, Pierce whined some more. He eventually got back in, Payton talked to him, and got him involved in the game again. He hit a big three, and the Celtics got the W.
The bottom line is that Paul Pierce still has some immaturity that he's got to grow out of, and Gary Payton is probably going to be a big part of that. Gary Payton's value to this team can probably be better measured by Pierce's stats than Payton's. Say what you want about The Glove, and a lot of peoples' opinions about him dropped during the last year in LA, but he's a man on the court, and the Celtics need him.
Listen to Gary on the whole incident. "When situations happen like that players seem to always get mad and then they stop playing. That is not a good way to do it. We were looking for a win. Young players always think the way they're going to get back at somebody is to not take shots. Then, we lose games and you say, 'I told you so.' What Paul is about is being a competitor. When I got out there I ran up to him and said, 'We don't need that. We need wins.' That's why I went right to him on the next play, got him a big shot. He hit the three and that's what a big-time basketball player should do."
Sounds more like Hubie Brown than Gary Payton.
Hockey people to meet again
NHL executives and players union reps will sit down for lunch tomorrow to try to save the season. I'm guessing the conversation will go something like this.
NHLPA guy: Mr. Bettman, we have a new proposal for you.
Bettman: Does it include a hard salary cap?
NHLPA guy: No.
Bettman: Then I'll have the tuna salad sandwich, and you can go fuck yourself.
If the conversation isn't drastically different than that, this season is history. No more hockey. Yes, hockey... Remember that game with short white men on skates, chasing each other with sticks? That was hockey. Miss it? Me neither. Before today, I hadn't thought about it once.
But there are those out there who do miss it... and this is unfortunate for them. Nothing's going to come of this meeting, and there will be no season, and there isn't even a good reason for it. Hockey needs a salary cap to survive like Sebastian Janikowski needs roofies to get laid.
12.02.2004
Urban Meyer already talking to Notre Dame
I'm guessing there aren't a lot of big Notre Dame fans in Utah right now. On the verge of a likely Fiesta Bowl bid, which will probably be the biggest game in Utah football history, the New York Times reports in that Meyer is in South Bend talking to the Irish people right now.
None of this seems fair to the Utah players or fans. No one's saying that Urban Meyer should be denied his dream job, and no one's saying that Utah fans won't have to let him go sooner or later, but the Utes deserve a shot at the Fiesta Bowl, free from any distractions of controversies surrounding their coach.
If Urban Meyer really wanted the Notre Dame job, and really wanted to do the right thing by his players, he'd have called South Bend the second Tyrone Willingham was fired and told them that if they want him to be their next head coach, to leave him alone until after the Fiesta Bowl, and assured them that he'd be ready to talk at that point.
If I'm a Utah player, I'd be more than a little upset right now. A distraction like this is the last thing they need.
From the mailbag...
I'm a frequent reader of your website and I have always enjoyed your point of view as well as the way you phrase things. You usually present a well thought-out point of view, as well as accurate. Simply put, I’m a fan. But your recent post about Ty Willingham losing his job, sort of dumbfounded me.
First I should say that I am a Purdue fan and that I'm used to seeing 2 star prospects turned into something productive. So when I read the phrase "But you can't coach a 2-star player into a 5-star..." it made me think. Being the Purdue fan I am, I generally have some idea of how ND is doing in recruiting and even though last year's class was nothing to write home about, it still was not terrible.
According to rivals.com, in 2004 Ty had 6- 2* recruits, 9-3* recruits, and 2-4* recruits. In 2003 Ty brought in 1-5* recruit, 6-4* recruits, 13-3* recruits, and 1-2* recruit. In 2002 Ty had 12-4* recruits, 4-3* recruits, and 2-2* recruits committed to play for him.
I don't think that this had to do with recruiting or race. Sure, the 2002 class wasn't completely his, but it was still a very respectable group of recruits. He should have been given more time to develop his players, but he did get the talent. Notre Dame doesn't need to lower it's standards and piss all over it's integrity to become a national championship contender, they just need to have a consistent offense in place with personnel suited for that offense and a coach to develop players. No one is going to be able to bring in a whole new offense that requires different types of football players than the previous offense, and be successful in 3 years, especially against their schedule.
I think that in the end it has to do with ND not being able to realize that it is going to take a few years to rebuild and reload, rather than just being able to win because of their history. They are in denial.
- Chad
It's so rare that I get an articulate, thoughtful e-mail from a reader. Most of the time, it's some form of "SCREW YOU, ASSHOLE" with various spelling and typing errors. So thanks.
Yeah, you're right, a coach can take a 2-star player and make him into something productive. I see it happen regularly, and saying that you can't coach a 2 into a 5 was just a poor way of saying that I don't think they're as talented as most of the teams on their schedule. Clearly, you know infinitely more about their recruiting classes, but when I see them, I never feel like there's an overabundance of talent there. When's the last time Notre Dame had an offensive player that the opposition had to fear? They've produced one first round draft pick in the last five years. And they've got six bowl teams on their schedule, four of whom were in the Top 15 when they played them. Going 6-5 might've actually been overachieving.
As for race, I'm going to err on the side of overaccusation. Unfair? Maybe... but there are 117 1A head coaching jobs, and two of them are held by black people. And with each white coach that's hired, and with each black head coach that's fired or passed over, there's someone right there screaming, "Hey, it's not about race!" but 60% of the players are black, while 1.7% of the coaches are black, so it's very much about race, a lot of the time. I just can't accept that it's a coincidence that the first Notre Dame head coach in history that didn't to fulfill his entire first contract is black. There's too much negative history and old-boy-network culture in college football to just chalk it up to a coincidence. Honestly, I don't think they really wanted him to begin with, but the fact that he was black made him an attractive candidate from a P.R. standpoint, which they needed after the George O'Leary fiasco. He served that purpose for them, and now he's gone.
But none of that precludes your other points from being true as well. Yes, Notre Dame is in denial, and yes, Willingham needed more time. He didn't even get one of his recruiting classes all the way through. As for what they need to do in the future to get back to the national championship picture, I think they're going to have to join a conference and relax the academic standards.
MJD trying to get a tryout with the Mets
Anna Benson, wife of Mets pitcher Kris Benson, is apparently the vengeful sort. On Howard Stern's radio show yesterday, she vowed that if Kris Benson cheated on her, she'd have sex with all of his teammates. Coaches, trainers, and bat boys, too.
"I told him [Kris] - because that's the biggest thing in athletics, they cheat all the time - I told him, cheat on me all you want. If you get caught, I'm going to screw everybody on your entire team - coaches, trainers, players. I would do everybody on his whole team."
If I'm a bat boy for the Mets, I'm making sure that every groupie on the road knows Benson's room number, knows what bar he's going to, and I'm putting Spanish Fly in his Gatorade. Opportunities like this just don't come along every day.
Mrs. Benson's a former stripper, so... I don't think she's playing. I think if she found out that her husband cheated on her, she'd be on the JumboTron the next day with Victor Zambrano on top of her, pumpin' and-a sweatin'. If I'm Kris Benson, I'm damn sure not going to find out. I'm sure that while Major League Baseball players are on the road, there are some fine slices of trim out there, just waiting for them... but I think Anna just put up an effective deterrent.
Pistons ban 2 fans from The Palace
It's fair. David Stern got the punishments for players right, and I think the Pistons organization is doing the right thing here by banning a couple of fans from the Palace for the rest of their lives.
John Green, the guy who threw the cup at Artest, doesn't quite agree. "They're completely picking on the little guy," said his lawyer. Actually, pal, they're picking on the dipshit tough guy who got liquored up and incited a riot. In no way is John Green the scrappy underdog taking on the Pistons organization, and in no way can he be considered right. He did something dumb, and he's paying for it.
The other guy, Charlie Haddad, ran onto the court, but I'm not sure if he's the guy who got lit up by Jermaine O'Neal or not. He's also been banned for life.
12.01.2004
Willingham out after three years
Bob Davie got five years. Gerry Faust got five years. The brother gets three. I'm adding racism to the list of reasons to hate Notre Dame. Tyrone Willingham was fired at Notre Dame yesterday, apparently because the AD and Board of Trustees have an erection for Utah head coach Urban Meyer, and thought this was their best chance to get him.
With every Notre Dame game I watched over the past three years, never once have I thought that the Irish had better talent than their results would indicate. In fact, judging by talent alone, Notre Dame won more games than they probably should have. Ty Willingham's best chance to win was to get his players to play disciplined, fundamental football, with sound defense and special teams, while trying to avoid turnovers on offense. Most weeks, they did that... sometimes it was enough to get them a W, and sometimes, it wasn't. But you can't coach a 2-star player into a 5-star player, I don't care if you're Tyrone Willingham, Knute Rockne, or Touchdown Jesus.
Notre Dame, no matter the coach, is extremely unlikely to return to their days of national championship contention every year. You take a 5-star WR recruit and tell him, hey... you can party in Miami or Los Angeles and barely have to go to class, or you can go to fucking Indiana, which is awesome if you like cornfields and snow... and by the way, you'll also have to carry some ungodly GPA. I know I'd be in LA.
If Notre Dame wants to get back to the BCS, there's one quick and easy route there... join the Big East. If they were to do that, there would likely be one or two key games on their schedule every year that they'd have to win to get there, and that's it. Until that happens, though, expect just more of the same from Notre Dame. They are no longer special.
Browns to suck with someone else at the helm
The Butch Davis era, completely unremarkable in every way, is over in Cleveland. We'll always have our memories of... of... I dunno. I can't think of one single word to describe Butch Davis as the Browns head coach. Uninspiring, maybe. He was just kinda there.
The Browns were never good enough to be impressive, never played with enough passion to be considered truly threatening. But they were never bad enough to be completely discounted, either. I don't recall Butch Davis ever getting really fired up, or being too passive. He's not a genius tactician, but he's not dumb, either. Never got the feeling that his players hated him, but never felt like they were in a hurry to bust their asses for him. He was just the guy on the sidelines in the Brown windbreaker. He never gave the Browns a personality, either in a good way or a bad way. Think about that division. The Steelers are the hard-working, blue collar team. The Ravens have an egomaniac as coach, an unbelievable defense, and you get the feeling that more than one of them as killed before. The Bengals, under Marvin Lewis, built a rep as a former loser who now can't be overlooked. The Browns... eh, whatever.
So Butch and the Browns have parted ways. I'd expect to hear the name Kirk Ferentz sometime soon, and perhaps Charlie Weis, too. Terry Robiskie takes over as interim head coach.
