• The replay official who blew the Oregon/Oklahoma call has been granted a leave of absence, and will not be returning to the booth this year. Probably for the best. And because I feel so bad for him, I’m going to take the $100 I won from Yay! Sports and buy him a whore.
• If you haven’t seen it, check out this clip of Chad Johnson trying to do an interview after getting knocked out against the Browns. The man is hurting. He kinda looks like a younger, blacker, Harry Caray.
• The Wade Blogs has put together a Top 18 of Ryder Cup wives/girlfriends. The most impressive on the list is #10, Alex Leigh, ladyfriend of Colin Montgomerie. She’s probably not the hottest on the list, but… well, Colin Montgomerie is punching way out of his weight class here.
• Congratulations to the fine people at iVillage.com for launching the world’s first NFL Blog for dumb cunts. It’s called “The Female Fan,” and because you’re female and like football, you can go there and vote on the sexist sexiest players on both the Broncos and Patriots rosters. And then you can pleasure me orally and make me a sandwich, because, you know… that’s what you ladies do. I was under the opinion that sports sites for women already existed, obscure sites like “ESPN” and “Deadspin.” I enjoyed Big Daddy Drew’s take on this over at Kissing Suzy Kolber.
• Unsilent Majority has put together a list of the best pre-game rap songs over at Kissing Suzy Kolber, as a compliment to Big Daddy Drew’s Pre-Game Playlist Fit For a Fucking Badass. Fantastic. Any other suggestions? I’d go with Shook Ones, Part II, by Mobb Deep. It makes me feel like I have it in me to actually murder someone. Of course, Paul Maguire used to make me feel that same thing.
• I know there are some of you out there who always hated Mike Tyson, and always wanted to see him knocked down a peg … is this low enough? He’s being paid to “work out” in Vegas casinos, and people can come by and watch. He’s a glorified casino greeter, is embarrassed to do it, but he needs the money. Ouch.
• It was awesome that Freddy Garcia beaned Delmon Young in his first Major League at-bat the other night. That’s really all I have to say on the subject. And it was pretty awesome that he responded with a 2-run jack, as well.
• Don King claims that a fighter he’s managing, Nikolay Valuev, is dating Maria Sharapova. He also claims that he’s got an ongoing dialogue with George W. Bush. Fuck it, why not?
• After I completely fawned over Carmelo Anthony yesterday, Henry Abbott at True Hoops gets deep into the issue of Carmelo’s NBA defense. I mean, deep. And it doesn’t go all that well for Carmelo.
• That toilet you bought from the Fenway Park clubhouse? Yeah, Wade Boggs never peed in that thing. Bob Ryan might have, though. Great purchase, either way.
• Juventus just won’t leave well enough alone. They cheated, they got suspended for it, and taking it like a man does not appear to be an option. They keep appealing, and it keeps pissing FIFA off. FIFA has threatened to remove all Italian clubs from international competition (including the Italian national team) if Juventus takes their fight to an outside court.
• I feel like Virgil Sollozzo when he found out that Don Corleone survived the hit. It’s bad news for me. The fucking horse, as Barbaro will heretofore be known, is still alive and kicking. He’s suffereing from laminitis, which the doctor describes as an “exquisitely painful” condition. It could still go south at any moment. Whenever the fucking horse decides he doesn’t want to stand on the bad leg anymore, he’s getting the axe. And it might make me a bad person, but… I’m still rooting for it. I just don’t believe that the horse isn’t suffering, and it seems like even the best-case scenario has the horse still fucked-up for quite sometime. I don’t believe these efforts are motivated by anything other than million-dollar horse semen. Kill it.
• If you’re not American, or even if you’re just bilingual, the Toronto Raptors might be interested in signing you. In fact, they just signed The Swedish Chef.
• Bruce Arena is out as USA Soccer Coach. No need to run him into the ground any further, in fact, I think it would be more appropriate to thank him for everything he’s done for USA Soccer. Yeah, we were disappointing in the World Cup, but if you were to give Arena a grade on the job he did, and the marking period came before the World Cup, there’s no way it’s anything other than an A. USA Soccer, as a whole, made great strides under Arena. Maybe it’s time for some new blood to take it to the next level, but let’s make sure Arena gets his gold watch on the way out.
• Danks of themightymjd.com podcast fame, has started his own little blog, and then promptly taken a vacation from it. Danks’s interests include soccer, college sports, New England sports, Big East football, and the Chippendale’s calendar. He’s got a few posts up there now, so give it a look if you get a chance today. And, speaking of the podcast, we should get that going again sometime next week. I’ll keep you posted.
• This is kind of odd… Cuttino Mobley kinda/sorta accuses certain Clipper players of not giving their all in Game 7 against the Suns. The word “sacrifice” is used, as in, some players refused to do any of it. Sadly, I didn’t get to see the game, so I don’t have a clue who he’s talking about. Chris Kaman only played 20 minutes in the game… anyone else have any ideas?
• So, I guess we can expect very little turnover of the Spurs roster (gracias, Yay! Sports). The only guy who’s contract is up is Nazr Mohammad, whose value has to be at an all-time low point right now. He wasn’t able to play in the series against the Mavs, because he was a defensive liability against the Mavs athleticism. But it’s still hard to see the Spurs letting him go… if they do, their back-up bigs are Robert Horry, Rasho Nesterovic, and Fabricio Oberto. Not pretty. The Spurs are going to have to be really creative in finding a way to make their roster younger and more athletic.
• Not at all sports-related, but… I may have a new hero. A crazy Lithuanian bastard was pulled over for some erratic driving the other day. He took a breathalyzer test, and he blew a number more than twice the amount of alcohol that’s supposed to kill someone. The legal limit in Lithuania is 0.4 grams per liter. 3.5 grams per liter, and you’re likely to be dead. This fuck blew a 7.27. And he was smiling the entire time police questioned him. I know he committed a crime, but… this is an accomplishment. I hope he gets the really nice jail cell.
• The NCAA is adding at least three more college football bowl games. First, there’s a fifth BCS game. And then we’ve also got the International Bowl, the Birmingham Bowl, and the New Mexico Bowl. I’m upset that none of them are named after fruits. Another, the Houston Bowl, is being voted on at a later date. Say they stop at 31… that’s 62 teams that will be in bowls, more than half of the 117-team Division 1A field. Any team that doesn’t completely suck balls will make a bowl game. Just play a terrible schedule, get your 6 wins, and someone will find a spot for you.
• ESPN.com’s Page 2 lists the 100 worst draft picks of all-time. This is the worst thing about coverage… if your team has ever made a bad draft pick, some cocksucker is going to go out of his way this week to remind you of it. I get it, asshole, Ryan Leaf was bad. That wound is still very much open. If you’d quit grinding rock salt into it, I’d appreciate it.
• You can see the clip of Delmon Young hurling his bat at that umpire right here. You can’t see him actually throw the bat, he’s off screen, but… you see the bat come flying back at the ump and hitting him in the chest. It’s not the kind of throw that’s intended to maim, but… it comes flying back at the ump with some decent velocity. It was not a little flip of the bat. He did actually throw it, and he is a crazy fuck.
• “The women’s tournament hopes to create a buzz of its own with Selection Monday.” I’m sorry, but that’s just funny.
• HotAthletes.Org named their gold, silver, and bronze medalists of hot Olympic athletes yesterday. On the female side, Sasha Cohen took the bronze, Kari Traa the silver, and in an upset, Anni Friesinger the gold. I dunno… I don’t have a Top 3 of my own, and I really hate to spend a lot of time talking about how these incredible athletes look… but I do have some slight qualms with a couple of the selections. I mean, Sasha Cohen is a very cute girl, but, you know… I don’t think I could do it without saying to her every few minutes, “Hey, you’re not going to tell your dad, are you?” And Kari Traa… attractive woman, and worthy of a medal, but… I dunno. She just seems a little too eager to expose her vulva. You can hear the segment on Sports Bloggers Live here, or, as I’d recommend, download the entire podcast here. Also on the show are Cal Ripken Jr. and Pat Forde.
• There’s no way you can consider yourself a complete human being if you don’t own the Velvet Blazer w/Stripes on Sleeve from the Randy Moss Grabman Collection. I recommend this for job interviews.
• A little note here about how Archie Manning is a dirty cheater. An old coach of his who recently passed away heard what the Saints were originally offering Archie Manning in his first contract, and he said, “My gosh, son, he made more than that playing (at Mississippi).” Amusing little quip, or evidence that the Manning family promotes and condones illegal payments to college athletes? I say the latter.
• I’d like to direct your attention to Comment #21 here… sharp girl.
• Great story here… amazing, amazing, story. Jason McElwain, a kid with autism, tried out for the basketball team at a high school in New York, but didn’t make the team. But because he loved the game and wanted to be around it, he became a team manager, passing out Gatorade and towels and stuff. And in the last game, the coach dressed him as a reward for his hard work, with the thought that if they had a big lead, he’d put him in for a minute or two. And he did. And the kid lit it up for 20 points, going 6-of-10 from three point-land. That’s incredible… I mean, if you saw that in a movie, you’d be like, “Alright, this is just bullshit.” But it happened, and it’s awesome. Congratulations to all involved.
• So, you’re a long-downtrodden team, who finally has some chemistry, has a coach getting players to buy into a winning attitude, a young All-Star in the post, a veteran point guard who can lead, and a good record for the first time since 1908… what do you need to do? Sign an alcoholic. The Clippers have signed Vin Baker, and I’m not seeing a lot of upside for them.
• Ray Lewis was heard at the Pro Bowl telling people that he wants to be a Charger. He apparently wants out of Baltimore in the worst way, and was trying to sell himself to a couple of Chargers players at the Pro Bowl. I think it’s very unlikely to happen, as I believe Chargers general manager AJ Smith would prefer to keep San Diego’s homicide rate down. Randall Godfrey and Donnie Edwards already make up a pretty solid inside linebacking unit. I’m not saying that Ray-Ray couldn’t improve things a little bit, but there’s no way San Diego’s going to give him major cap dollars to do so.
• A Jamaican guy won a silver medal for bobsledding, though he did it for Team Canada. John Candy is rolling over in his grave. The guy, Lascelles Brown, was born in and bobsledded for Jamaica. While training in Canada, he fell in love with a Canadian woman and married her. He asked Jamaica to move their whole training operation to Canada, and they refused. So he left, and yesterday, won a silver medal for the Canadians.
• Chad Hedrick and Shani Davis go head-to-head today in the 1500m. Hedrick holds the world record at that distance, although the world record he broke was held by Davis. Come on, Shani. Fuck. Him. Up.
• You know… that’s not very nice. Is Carl Pavano gay? Are there rumors? Has he been spotted at nightclubs hanging out with Peyton Manning and Nathan Lane If not, why the hell would the New York Post choose to do that to the guy? Seriously… if I’m Carl Pavano, I’m showing up at the New York Post offices today and demanding some answers. That’s messed up.
• Eddie Sutton was in fact drunk when he wrecked his car last week. And on pain pills. He says his back was causing him so much pain that the pain pills weren’t doing the trick, so he picked up a bottle. Which is not good, considering that he’s an alcoholic and went through rehab for it back in 1987. You’d just have to assume that he’s coached his last game. 69-year-old guys with chronic, debilitating back pain, alcoholism, and a recent DUI arrest don’t often make heroic comebacks. Best of luck to him with his future treatment.
• Mike Davis is done at Indiana. He’ll coach out the string, but he’s resigning at the end of the year. It’s such an odd situation… but it looks like this is the right way to handle it. In some ways, yes, it takes the pressure off his kids, because there’s no longer any reason for jagoffs to show up at Indiana games wearing black in protest. You always say you’d like to see a coach tough it out, but I don’t think anyone would wish another year at Indiana on Mike Davis. All you Hoosier fans can relax, as you’ll probably get your homegrown white coach next year, and the evil Mike Davis will be gone.
• Irony: BetUS.com has put down 6-1 odds that Rick Tocchet will be convicted on charges of promiting gambling and conspiracy to run a sports gambling operation. 6-1 seems like a pretty good bet. The way this case has been pursued so publicly, you know they’re looking to make at least one big-name arrest. It’s true that celebrities don’t usually get convicted, but… this is an assistant NHL coach in Phoenix, not a star linebacker the night before the Super Bowl. If I had to bet, I’d take those odds.
• There are reports that Kenyon Martin sent one of his boys into the stands to threaten a fan who was heckling him. You know, I’ve wondered about this. A long, long time ago, I did a little bit of heckling. Heckling may even be too generous a word… we’ll just say that I said things to athletes that were not very nice; things for which they would have every right to just fuck me up beyond recognition. And I always had the thought in the back of my head, like, “You know, there’s a chance this guy has friends here… and I am quite clearly in the wrong.” I just kinda wondered if an athlete ever did anything like send one of his boys after a heckler. Apparently so.
• Gretzky stuff: There’s not going to be anything coming out that will make me say, “Hey, Wayne Gretzky’s a bad guy,” but… the whole thing is still unfortunate. Everything just looks bad. No matter what the actual truth is, it looks like his wife was placing bets for him, and it looks like Gretzky knew a while ago that his assistant coach was running a gambling ring, and it did looks like he did lie about it. It’s too bad. Wayne Gretzky is hockey. And even though there’s a reasonable that he did nothing wrong (or at least too wrong), this will always be tied to his name.
• The Texans have picked up the option on David Carr’s contract, and will be keeping him around for 3 more years. Which means, I guess, that they’ll be drafting Reggie Bush. As much as I’m not a fan of David Carr, it’s the right thing to do. Nothing against Vince Young, who I think will be outstanding, but drafting QBs seems to be a lot riskier than drafting RBs… especially ones as impressive as Reggie Bush. You just can’t leave a superstar on the board… even if your QB sucks. Chances are, the best QB from this draft will be some unheard-of 6th-rounder from Grundle State, anyway… so keeping Carr and drafting Bush is the direction they kinda have to go in.
• Steelers offensive coordinator Ken Whisenhunt is going to go ahead and interview for the Raiders head coaching position. I don’t blame him for taking the interview, but if he takes the actual job, then I don’t think he’s as bright as people are giving him credit for. Steelers offensive coordinator has to be a better job than Raiders head coach. Of course, being a spooge squeegie man in a porno viewing booth is probably a better job than any job in the Raiders organization. If the Steelers have another good year offensively (which seems likely), better head coaching jobs will be out there for Whisenhunt next year.
• There were earlier reports that Joe Montana refused to appear with the rest of the Super Bowl MVPs because he wanted $100 Gs and the NFL wouldn’t give it to him. Montana (kinda) denies that. He says he told ESPN earlier in the week that he wanted to go to his kid’s basketball game. But that doesn’t mean he didn’t tell the NFL that $100,000 would get him on the field… I dunno. I didn’t really miss him, and to me, it’s a non-story. I think he was upstairs. Masturbating.
• It’s so rare that dudes shave each other on national television. Ben Roethlisberger deserves a lot of credit for sending the message to America that yes, it’s perfectly normal and acceptable for dudes to shave one another. Such courage.
• On that subject, though, the one commercial I’ll comment on was the one for the new Gillette 5-blade razor. I guess that’s what Benjamin used last night. The Onion saw this coming.
• Edgerrin James believes he’s done in Indy. “I don’t see nothing happening. You can read between the lines and from the things I’m hearing, nothing’s going to happen.” That’s the NFL today. Running backs are valued as much as Dead Prez albums at Rush Limbaugh’s house. Sooner or later, I’d like to see some team get burned with this theory… for example, Dominic Rhodes average about 2.8 per carry next year while Edge runs for 1,600 yards and gets the Cardinals in the playoffs or something.
• Mike Martz will evidently not be the next offensive coordinator of the Detroit Lions. I guess they wouldn’t pay him enough. The guy they just hired to be the head coach is making $2 million a year (budget shopper, that Matt Millen), and Martz wanted something close to that, and he isn’t getting it. I thought this would’ve been a great hire for the Lions. And a good job for Martz, too, because you know he’d be the next head coach there, and it probably wouldn’t take longer than a season. The real winner here is the homeless guy that the Lions hired to coach who doesn’t have to look over his shoulder and see Martz.
• You know, I’ve seen this opinion in a few places. Kornheiser and Wilbon both think the dunk contest is dead, Phil Taylor at SI.com thinks it’s dead… and I don’t understand. It was dead for a while. I’ll give you that. But it’s alive, man. Jason Richardson started the mouth-to-mouth, and Amare Stoudamire and Josh Smith brought it all the way back last year. I don’t know why people don’t want to acknowledge it.
• Hey, here’s a pretty healthy view of Serena Williams’ ass crack. You know, just in case you were wondering if you’d get a chance to see it today. My compliments to the fine folks at The Airing of Grievances.
• Cuttino Mobley apparently does not trust our nation’s banking system. Thieves broke into his Bel-Air home (just down the street from Uncle Phil, Aunt Vivian, and Geoffrey), and stole, among other things, $500,000 in cash. Damn. Find your way to a bank, fella. Or give ADT a call and hook up a security system. Or, at the very least, see if Qyntel Woods has a dog he can sell you.
• Let’s give it up for the little guys: Northern Iowa has cracked the men’s Top 25 for the first time, and George Washington has poked their head into the Top 10. Georgetown also finally gets the nod into the Coaches poll, debuting at 22. Michigan, after a pretty decent week, beating Michigan State and Wisconsin, jumps in at #20.
• Today’s worthless bit of Super Bowl news: QBs who’s last names have the highest scrabble value at 6-1 in the playoffs this year (at least according to the article… by my count, there have been 10 playoff games so far). Anyway, the Super Bowl matchup is a clash of titans, between Hasselbeck and Roethlisberger. The winner, in an upset… Matt Hasselbeck.
• With thanks to Deadspin for the link, Outsports.com presents a Very Gay Guide to the Super Bowl, including Seattle’s support from the gay community, and the obligatory mention of Kordell “Adam and Steve” Stewart. Also, you can find a list of terms that the NFL won’t allow you to have on the back of your jersey, such as “COCKCOWBOY,” “CROTCH JOCKEY,” and “CUM QUEEN.” As a huge fan of profanity and most things juvenile… this list just makes me so happy. I can’t believe the NFL won’t let you put “MAN PASTE” on the back of a jersey. When I make it to the NFL, I’m changing my last name to “MAN PASTE” just so they have to reconsider.
• Sean Taylor is facing up to 46 years in prison on some aggravated assault charges. They stem from an incident back in June where Taylor’s accused of threatening three people with a gun in an armed confrontation about an ATV, which is weird enough as it is. But as his lawyer points out, the state has had the case since June, and they just now came up with these additional charges. What? Anyway, I don’t know what the odds are of him doing any real time, being a celebrity athlete and all, but 46 years kinda grabs your attention. If he’s doing that kind of time, someone spitting all over his face will be the least of his worries.
• Today’s positively worthless bit of Super Bowl news: The town of Washington, Pennsylvania has temporarily renamed itself “Steeler, Pa.” Clever, guys. Real clever. Bonus worthlessness: This article is about how the Super Bowl is shown in other countries. Ooooh, now that’s a hot lead.
• A random dude named Marc Stern, back in 1962 had tickets to a Philadelphia Warriors/New York Knicks game. A professor of his schedules an exam, and he gives his tickets away. In that game he missed, Wilt Chamberlain scored 100 points. Fast forward 44 years. Same guy is a Lakers season ticket holder. He opts to attend a birthday party instead of going to a Raptors/Lakers game… and Kobe scores 81 points. This poor fuck had tickets to both legendary performances, and ended up giving them away both times. God does not like him.
• For someone who seems to dislike the media, Bode Miller is awfully quick to accept their assertions that Barry Bonds and Lance Armstrong are using steroids. “Barry Bonds and those guys are just knowingly cheating, but there’s all sorts of loopholes. If you say it has to be ‘knowingly,’ you do what Lance and all those guys do, where every morning their doctor gives them a box of pills and they don’t ask anything, they just take the pills.” I don’t know much about the career of Bode Miller, but nobody likes a snitch, pal.
• On comments: I shouldn’t even tell you this, I should just do it, but… here’s how it’s going to work. I’m going to delete anything I feel like is going to lead down a bad path. I mean, anything. I don’t even need a reason. Star Wars stories, name calling, insults, anything childish, or even just something I don’t like. I can’t stress it enough… I don’t need a reason. That’s just the way it’s going to be.
I know it’s a little bit Mussolini-ish on my part, but… I’ve put to much time and effort into this thing for it to go down the paths it was going. I’m not going to let it happen. So, I’m probably not going to get everything exactly right on what I allow and don’t allow, so be prepared for it. I’ll make mistakes, and I’m going to err on the side of deleting too much as opposed to too little… it’s sometimes hard to draw the line between something I disagree with, and something that’s just destructive. I’ll fuck it up from time to time. But damn it, we will be civil, we will have decent conversations, we will act like adults, and and a week from now, we’re all going to be holding hands and signing motherfucking kumbaya.
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• The replay official who blew the Oregon/Oklahoma call has been granted a leave of absence, and will not be returning to the booth this year. Probably for the best. And because I feel so bad for him, I’m going to take the $100 I won from Yay! Sports and buy him a whore.
• “The women’s tournament hopes to create a buzz of its own with 
• You know… that’s not very nice. Is Carl Pavano gay? Are there rumors? Has he been spotted at nightclubs hanging out with Peyton Manning and Nathan Lane If not, why the hell would the New York Post choose to do that to the guy? Seriously… if I’m Carl Pavano, I’m showing up at the New York Post offices today and demanding some answers. That’s messed up.
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Super Bowl Edition…
