Archive for the ‘Backdoor Cuts’ Category

February7

Backdoor Cuts – 01/07/06

By: the mighty mjd

Hey, your shave is almost done. Should I finish you off now?Super Bowl Edition…

• Steelers offensive coordinator Ken Whisenhunt is going to go ahead and interview for the Raiders head coaching position. I don’t blame him for taking the interview, but if he takes the actual job, then I don’t think he’s as bright as people are giving him credit for. Steelers offensive coordinator has to be a better job than Raiders head coach. Of course, being a spooge squeegie man in a porno viewing booth is probably a better job than any job in the Raiders organization. If the Steelers have another good year offensively (which seems likely), better head coaching jobs will be out there for Whisenhunt next year.

• I gotta tell ya, I really enjoyed Chuck Klosterman’s Super Bowl blog. Especially the Sunday, 3:28 a.m. entry.

• There were earlier reports that Joe Montana refused to appear with the rest of the Super Bowl MVPs because he wanted $100 Gs and the NFL wouldn’t give it to him. Montana (kinda) denies that. He says he told ESPN earlier in the week that he wanted to go to his kid’s basketball game. But that doesn’t mean he didn’t tell the NFL that $100,000 would get him on the field… I dunno. I didn’t really miss him, and to me, it’s a non-story. I think he was upstairs. Masturbating.

• It’s so rare that dudes shave each other on national television. Ben Roethlisberger deserves a lot of credit for sending the message to America that yes, it’s perfectly normal and acceptable for dudes to shave one another. Such courage.

• On that subject, though, the one commercial I’ll comment on was the one for the new Gillette 5-blade razor. I guess that’s what Benjamin used last night. The Onion saw this coming.

Posted in: Backdoor Cuts, NFL7 comments

February3

Backdoor Cuts – 02/03/06

By: the mighty mjd

• Edgerrin James believes he’s done in Indy. “I don’t see nothing happening. You can read between the lines and from the things I’m hearing, nothing’s going to happen.” That’s the NFL today. Running backs are valued as much as Dead Prez albums at Rush Limbaugh’s house. Sooner or later, I’d like to see some team get burned with this theory… for example, Dominic Rhodes average about 2.8 per carry next year while Edge runs for 1,600 yards and gets the Cardinals in the playoffs or something.

• A 40-year-old transexual is 3 strokes behind in the ANZ Ladies Masters. I really have nothing else to say on the issue. I just wanted to make you aware.

• Mike Martz will evidently not be the next offensive coordinator of the Detroit Lions. I guess they wouldn’t pay him enough. The guy they just hired to be the head coach is making $2 million a year (budget shopper, that Matt Millen), and Martz wanted something close to that, and he isn’t getting it. I thought this would’ve been a great hire for the Lions. And a good job for Martz, too, because you know he’d be the next head coach there, and it probably wouldn’t take longer than a season. The real winner here is the homeless guy that the Lions hired to coach who doesn’t have to look over his shoulder and see Martz.

• You know, I’ve seen this opinion in a few places. Kornheiser and Wilbon both think the dunk contest is dead, Phil Taylor at SI.com thinks it’s dead… and I don’t understand. It was dead for a while. I’ll give you that. But it’s alive, man. Jason Richardson started the mouth-to-mouth, and Amare Stoudamire and Josh Smith brought it all the way back last year. I don’t know why people don’t want to acknowledge it.

Posted in: Backdoor Cuts, Uncategorized9 comments

January30

Backdoor Cuts – 01/30/06

By: the mighty mjd

• Hey, here’s a pretty healthy view of Serena Williams’ ass crack. You know, just in case you were wondering if you’d get a chance to see it today. My compliments to the fine folks at The Airing of Grievances.

• Cuttino Mobley apparently does not trust our nation’s banking system. Thieves broke into his Bel-Air home (just down the street from Uncle Phil, Aunt Vivian, and Geoffrey), and stole, among other things, $500,000 in cash. Damn. Find your way to a bank, fella. Or give ADT a call and hook up a security system. Or, at the very least, see if Qyntel Woods has a dog he can sell you.

• Let’s give it up for the little guys: Northern Iowa has cracked the men’s Top 25 for the first time, and George Washington has poked their head into the Top 10. Georgetown also finally gets the nod into the Coaches poll, debuting at 22. Michigan, after a pretty decent week, beating Michigan State and Wisconsin, jumps in at #20.

• Today’s worthless bit of Super Bowl news: QBs who’s last names have the highest scrabble value at 6-1 in the playoffs this year (at least according to the article… by my count, there have been 10 playoff games so far). Anyway, the Super Bowl matchup is a clash of titans, between Hasselbeck and Roethlisberger. The winner, in an upset… Matt Hasselbeck.

• With thanks to Deadspin for the link, Outsports.com presents a Very Gay Guide to the Super Bowl, including Seattle’s support from the gay community, and the obligatory mention of Kordell “Adam and Steve” Stewart. Also, you can find a list of terms that the NFL won’t allow you to have on the back of your jersey, such as “COCKCOWBOY,” “CROTCH JOCKEY,” and “CUM QUEEN.” As a huge fan of profanity and most things juvenile… this list just makes me so happy. I can’t believe the NFL won’t let you put “MAN PASTE” on the back of a jersey. When I make it to the NFL, I’m changing my last name to “MAN PASTE” just so they have to reconsider.

Posted in: Backdoor Cuts, Uncategorized10 comments

January27

Backdoor Cuts – 01/27/06

By: the mighty mjd

• Sean Taylor is facing up to 46 years in prison on some aggravated assault charges. They stem from an incident back in June where Taylor’s accused of threatening three people with a gun in an armed confrontation about an ATV, which is weird enough as it is. But as his lawyer points out, the state has had the case since June, and they just now came up with these additional charges. What? Anyway, I don’t know what the odds are of him doing any real time, being a celebrity athlete and all, but 46 years kinda grabs your attention. If he’s doing that kind of time, someone spitting all over his face will be the least of his worries.

• Today’s positively worthless bit of Super Bowl news: The town of Washington, Pennsylvania has temporarily renamed itself “Steeler, Pa.” Clever, guys. Real clever. Bonus worthlessness: This article is about how the Super Bowl is shown in other countries. Ooooh, now that’s a hot lead.

• A random dude named Marc Stern, back in 1962 had tickets to a Philadelphia Warriors/New York Knicks game. A professor of his schedules an exam, and he gives his tickets away. In that game he missed, Wilt Chamberlain scored 100 points. Fast forward 44 years. Same guy is a Lakers season ticket holder. He opts to attend a birthday party instead of going to a Raptors/Lakers game… and Kobe scores 81 points. This poor fuck had tickets to both legendary performances, and ended up giving them away both times. God does not like him.

• For someone who seems to dislike the media, Bode Miller is awfully quick to accept their assertions that Barry Bonds and Lance Armstrong are using steroids. “Barry Bonds and those guys are just knowingly cheating, but there’s all sorts of loopholes. If you say it has to be ‘knowingly,’ you do what Lance and all those guys do, where every morning their doctor gives them a box of pills and they don’t ask anything, they just take the pills.” I don’t know much about the career of Bode Miller, but nobody likes a snitch, pal.

• On comments: I shouldn’t even tell you this, I should just do it, but… here’s how it’s going to work. I’m going to delete anything I feel like is going to lead down a bad path. I mean, anything. I don’t even need a reason. Star Wars stories, name calling, insults, anything childish, or even just something I don’t like. I can’t stress it enough… I don’t need a reason. That’s just the way it’s going to be.

I know it’s a little bit Mussolini-ish on my part, but… I’ve put to much time and effort into this thing for it to go down the paths it was going. I’m not going to let it happen. So, I’m probably not going to get everything exactly right on what I allow and don’t allow, so be prepared for it. I’ll make mistakes, and I’m going to err on the side of deleting too much as opposed to too little… it’s sometimes hard to draw the line between something I disagree with, and something that’s just destructive. I’ll fuck it up from time to time. But damn it, we will be civil, we will have decent conversations, we will act like adults, and and a week from now, we’re all going to be holding hands and signing motherfucking kumbaya.

Posted in: Backdoor Cuts17 comments

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