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I’d Draft Johnny Manziel Without Hesitation

johnny foozball

Imagine (and if your team isn’t as good as mine, imagining is all you have!) that your team has a playoff game this weekend.

It’s a close game heading into the fourth quarter, and the opposing quarterback takes the crown of a helmet to the spleen. He’s done. Swagger-trotting on to the field is rookie backup Johnny Manziel. What are you thinking?

I’ll tell you what I’m thinking: “Uh oh. This little bastard’s going to hurt us somehow.”

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Jimbo Fisher Liked Things Better When He Was A Kid. Didn’t We All.

jimbo kisses balls

The coach who was just crowned national champion, bemoaning how we’re going to choose our national champion next year:

“When I was a child, I remember who won the Sugar Bowl, who won the Orange Bowl, who won the Cotton Bowl, who won the Rose Bowl,” Fisher said Tuesday. “It was a big deal to go. We act like that’s not a big deal now. That’s one of the great things you have in college football. We’re so involved in winning a championship that we’re forgetting the tradition and history of doing things.”

Well, okay, but you did seem pretty happy when they handed you that crystal football last night, Jimbo. If you’re not willing to trade that for, say, this thing, then I’m not sure you can credibly say what you’re saying.

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Begruding Respect For a Psychotic, Racist Asshole

As I watch Alabama and Auburn play what could be the most important game of the college football season (or as I check on the score periodically, however it works out), I’ll be thinking mostly about a man who is inarguably a dickhead, Harvey Updyke.

And that’s a somewhat remarkable feat. Not that entering my consciousness is a special accomplishment, but this guy — just some random dirtball shitheel — has me thinking of him when I should be enjoying the competitive spectacle that is The Iron Bowl. Kudos, Harvey.

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Today’s Evidence That College Football Is Our Nation’s Most Insane Institution

Big-time college football programs make a lot of money. They also need to convince star high school players to play for them. And since they can’t give money directly to those players (in theory), they end up spending money on other ridiculous things that will attract those players.

This isn’t one of those things. Continue reading Today’s Evidence That College Football Is Our Nation’s Most Insane Institution

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