Joey Porter is accused of punching Cincinnati Bengals tackle Levi Jones near a blackjack table in Vegas’s Palms Casino. themightymjd.com has obtained security footage of the fight, and we present to you here the transcript.

Levi Jones: Congratulations on that contract you signed with the Dolphins, Joey. I’m sure the Dolphins will turn it around real soon.

Joey Porter: Whatchyou mean, WILL turn it around? Motherfucker, the Dolphins turned it around the second my pen hit that contract. Joey Porter turnd that bitch around RIGHT NOW just by showin’ up.

Levi Jones: Sorry man, I was just… I’m sorry, okay? Let’s play some blackjack.

Joey Porter: No, I tell YOU when we play some blackjack. I tell EVERYBODY when to play blackjack.

Random Guy (to dealer): Seventeen? I think I’ll stay.

Joey Porter: NO, I DON’T THINK YOU WILL. (Porter grabs the man by the shirt, lifts him off his stool, and kicks him in the rearend.) NO, I think you gonna GO, OLD MAN. Go on, get on outta here. Go wash my car, motherfucker. It’s the black and gold Hummer H2 with the license plate that says, “K2ISAFAG.”

Random Guy: It’s black and gold? I thought you played for the Dolphins now. Aren’t those the Steelers’ colors?

Joey Porter: No no no… Them’s JOEY PORTER’S COLORS. When I left, the Steelers changed their color to PINK. VAGINA PINK. The Dolphins wear black and gold now, and the Steelers jerseys are the color of your wife’s pussy. In fact, where is that bitch? I’m takin’ her to Sherwin-Williams right now, put her coochie on that machine, and Sherwin’s gonna match that color exactly. That’s what the Steelers is gonna wear next year.

Random Guy: Listen, I’ll wash your car if you promise not to kill me, but… I’m sorry, I can’t let you take my wife to Sherwin-Williams so they can color-match her vagina.

Joey Porter: FINE. Then they GONNA COLOR-MATCH LEVI JONES’ VAGINA (Porter kicks the air).

Levi Jones: Joey, come on, man. Calm down. If you want to stay here and insinuate that I have female genitalia, fine. But leave that old man alone, okay?

Joey Porter: Leave him alone? Don’t EVEN come at me with that shit. You think Jerramy Stevens left Joey Porter alone before Super Bowl XL? HELL NAH. But I went out there and busted some motherfucking asses anyway. Don’t NOBODY leave Joey Porter alone, everybody ALWAYS HATIN’. But I’m champion anyway. ALL Y’ALL DO IS HATE. WOOF, WOOF, WOOF!

Levi Jones: Here he goes with the fucking barking…

Joey Porter: WOOF, WOOF, WOOF!

Random Guy: How long is he going to be doing this?

Levi Jones: Sixty minutes. Maybe more.

Dealer: Do you think it’s okay if we play blackjack now? I’m going to get fired if I don’t deal.

Joey Porter: WOOF, WOOF, WOOF!

Levi Jones: You probably shouldn’t.

Dealer: Can’t you do something? Calm him down, maybe?

Levi Jones: Joey. Hey, Joey, listen. Joey? (taps Porter’s shoulder)

Joey Porter: I’MMA SOCK YOU IN YO’ MOTHERFUCKIN’ EYE. (Porter then socks Levi Jones in his motherfucking eye.)

Levi Jones: (rubbing his eye) God DAMMIT, this gets old.

Joey Porter: Don’t you NEVER disrespect Joey Porter’s shoulder. YOU AIN’T WON NO SUPER BOWL. I’m a WORLD CHAMPION, and you ain’t nothin’ but a mark-ass, playa-hatin’, dog food eatin’, tiger-stripe wearing tub of GOAT SHIT.

Dealer: Man, he’s changed since he won a Super Bowl.

Joey Porter: You got that wrong, white man. I didn’t win the Super Bowl, the SUPER BOWL WON JOEY PORTER. The Super Bowl was LUCKY ENOUGH to have #55 grab that cheap-ass chrome trophy. I use that motherfucker as a HOOD ORNAMENT. I clean my GUTTERS with it. I got a female pitbull that uses that big silver bitch as a dildo, and the ghost of Vince Lombardi SMILES EVERY GODDAMN TIME IT HAPPENS.

I’m not the kind of guy who wants to tell anyone what to do with their body, but… well, I think it’s weird to get a picture of someone permanently inked to your skin when that person doesn’t know or like you. That’s just me.

Anyway, SI.com has a gallery up right now if the most insane tattoos that their readers have. All of them were sort of jaw-dropping since they’re, you know, sports tattoos, but a few stood out. I didn’t believe this one was real:

But it is. I don’t know if the statement on the man’s head is actually true, but it is a real tattoo. A radio station gave him Laker playoff tickets to do it. The same guy, on the same radio station, has also been tasered by Game, had mace squirted into his eye, and eaten worms. Shaq should probably sue this guy. I mean, I wouldn’t care if someone started a rumor that I did a guy, but I’d be highly offended if it was that guy.

Among the other highlights: the Bears with with Buddy Ryan’s signature inked into his back, the guy with a portrait of Mike Tyson with the words “TEAM TYSON FOR LIFE” under it, and two older soccer fans with tattoos on their hairy chests. Those two, I actually sort of respect, because I have no doubt that those gentlemen would kill (and have killed) to defend the honor of their teams.

I wish I had YouTube footage of it, but George Karl’s comments yesterday about Isiah Thomas… to quote my man Cal Naughton Jr., he nailed that like a split hog. I don’t know how David Stern gives out suspensions for this thing and leaves Isiah out of it. If there was any criminal activity that gave the NBA a black eye, if there’s any completely shameful thing that came out of the Knicks/Nuggets altercation, it’s that Isiah Thomas got off without punishment.

The standard for behavior is raised on Thomas immediately because he’s a coach and not a player. He’s the one who’s supposed to know better. And yet, he was the one pretty clearly, in my opinion, responsible for the whole damn thing.

First, you have his postgame comments, expressing the absurd notion that the Nuggets were somehow at fault because they were winning by 19 points and still trying hard. To even suggest that a fight is somehow justified because the Nuggets were still dunking and scoring points is absurd. That’s like saying, “Well, yeah, I burned down that guy’s house… but he did tell me that I parked my car in an illegal zone.”

Also as evidence is the video of Isiah saying to Carmelo “Don’t go to the basket. Don’t go to the basket.” That seems like a pretty good indication to me that Isiah Thomas had something planned if Carmelo did go to the basket. Why would he say that if there weren’t instructions in place to take a hard foul on someone? If you got Mardy Collins to answer completely honestly, I’m pretty sure he’d tell you that, yes, Colonel Jessup did order the Code Red.

I’m not arguing that it’s never OK to instruct your players to take a hard foul on someone. There are reasons, legitimate basketball reasons, why you’d do that. If you’ve got a player that’s roughing up your team, taking liberties, throwing some cheap shots… one strategy on how to deal with that is to give it back to him. If there’s a player you feel like will shrink if he takes a physical foul … hey, I’d give it to him.

But being embarrassed about getting your ass whooped … I don’t see that as a real good reason. Even if Karl did want to run up the score, I’m not sure Isiah’s justified in that. If you’re losing, you’re losing. No one cheated you. You have to suck that one up and take it.

Isiah is tired of being booed at home, he knew that the boos were coming, he was frustrated with his own team, and he did something stupid.

Towards the end of the Sunday night Chargers/Broncos game, the Broncos set up to spike the ball, and they did. For some reason, though, Broncos center Tom Nalen took a dive at Igor Olshansky’s knees. On a spike play. As you can see below.

Olshanky then clubbed him with his giant Russian forearm, and was flagged for 15 yards and ejected from the game. The flag and the ejection were perfectly justified, of course… I wouldn’t argue against them. What Nalen did was technically legal… it was a play from scrimmage, he does technically have the right to block a guy, and the cut block is a legal maneuver.

The word “justified,” though, doesn’t really apply to Olshansky. The right thing to do, as difficult and against your instincts as it may be… is to not punch the guy. For the sake of your team, you’ve just gotta suck that one up and take it. If you want to find Tom Nalen in the parking lot after the game, though, I’d say that beating him to death with a tire iron would be perfectly justified. If Tom Nalen wants to take a shot at ending a guy’s season and/or career on a spike play, then I don’t think it would be completely out of line for someone to ram a knife into Tom Nalen’s stomach, park their car on his face, and play “Our Country” on that car’s stereo system until he bleeds to death.

Alright, that might be a bit much. But I do believe that the NFL should do something about cut-blocking in general. I’d argue that a cut like the one Nalen attempted there is easily as dangerous, and probably more so, than what Albert Haynesworth did to Andre Gurode. But the league’s more concerned with protecting their image than protecting their players, so Haynesworth sits for five games, and nothing at all will happen to Nalen.

It’s not just Nalen, of course, and it’s not just the Broncos… a lot of teams do this. Donovan Darius was cut last night about 30 yards away from the play, and was carted off with what looked like a pretty serious ankle injury. It’s such a dangerous thing to do, and honestly, I don’t know how any offensive lineman that routinely does it, or any coach that teaches and demands that his players use it, can sleep at night.

With all the rules they have for protecting quarterbacks, they won’t make one to protect the extremely vulnerable knees of defensive linemen and linebackers. That common denominator there is that the league likes offense… and they will never do anything about cut blocking.

UPDATE: The NFL fined Tom Nalen $25,000 and Igor Olshansky $5,000. I guess I’m eating my words a little bit there. I really didn’t think it would go down like that. Well done, NFL.

Of course, the man pictured to your right isn’t one of them. The Knicks had their first practice the other day, and surprise, surprise… Stephon Marbury is happier with the way things are going under new head coach Isiah Thomas. Here’s what Starbury the Great had to say about the new system:

“It’s more free flowing and free going,” Marbury said of Thomas’ first practice. “You don’t have somebody who couldn’t handle the ball telling you, ‘Don’t do this, don’t do that.’”

The guy who “couldn’t handle the ball” to whom Stephon is referring is, of course, Larry Brown. The same Larry Brown who, by the way, won a gold medal in 1964. Was a three-time all-Star in the ABA. Holds the single game ABA record for assists with 23. And is the ABA’s all-time career assists leader. That Larry Brown.

Meanwhile, Frank Isola of the New York Daily News speculates on what might’ve gone down had Quentin Richardson and Jamal Crawford been called to testify in Larry Brown’s arbitration hearing in New York with NBA commissioner David Stern.

Under oath, Crawford would paint a very different picture of the head coach the Knicks are trying to portray as devious and borderline crazy. Crawford would admit that while in fact Brown was critical of him, the Knicks guard flourished under Brown and enjoyed the best season of his career. And Crawford would recall that Brown eventually called him “the most improved player I’ve ever coached.”

Richardson’s testimony would be more powerful since the veteran small forward would tell Stern that Brown was only trying to help the team by riding Stephon Marbury with tough love. And yes, Richardson would admit that police had to be called to the Knicks’ training facility in Greenburgh last January because Richardson refused to leave the building until he could fight Marbury.

Neither Crawford nor Richardson was summoned to New York and put in the awkward position of having to defend his former coach in front of his current employer. Instead, a couple of Brown’s pets now tip-toe around the issue of the Hall of Fame coach while trying to adhere to the organization’s unofficial policy of “If You Have Nothing Bad To Say About Larry Keep It To Yourself.”

“We’re not supposed to talk about Larry,” Richardson said yesterday.

Imagine that… guys who want to be coached. Hell, it sounds like they even liked it. I hope they enjoyed their time becoming better basketball players, because that’s almost certainly coming to an end now. It’s hard to grow as a player in the “watch Stephon Marbury shoot and tell him how great he is” system.

And the fact that Quentin Richardson wanted to fight Stephon Marbury that badly makes him just about my favorite NBA player. I vow right now that at any point in the future when I play an NBA video game, I will always, always, without exception, trade for Quentin Richardson.

As you may be aware, Congress approved a bill yesterday that pretty much outlaws internet gambling. The bill prohibits credit card companies and other payment services from accepting any kind of online gambling transactions. The internet gambling ban was attached to some kind of port security legislation that’s very likely to be signed by the president in the next couple of weeks.

If you’re wondering why Congress felt it was important to do this… hell, I dunno. It’s one of those shady little deals where a dickhead lawmaker or two won’t let a bigger bill get through unless he also gets to attach some kind of douchebag legislation to it that he and maybe a couple other people want. As for why those people feel it’s important… I imagine it’s because if we gamble over the Internet, the terrorists have already won. Or perhaps we’re supporting terrorism when we do it. Or maybe it’s as simple as the fact that these colors don’t run, so, you know… let’s roll. Mission accomplished.

But if you’re one of those conspiracy theory nutjobs out there who needs a better explanation, Iowa Republican Jim Leach, who sponsored the bill, had this explanation:

“Religious leaders of all denominations and faiths are seeing gambling problems erode family values,” Leach said in a statement. “If Congress had not acted, gamblers would soon be able to place bets not just from home computers, but from their cell phones while they drive home from work or their BlackBerries as they wait in line at the movies.”

AND? You know what that sounds like to me? Convenience. It sounds like an example of someone making good use of the technology available to us. I don’t understand… what happens if someone places a bet over a BlackBerry while waiting in line to see a movie? Really, what happens? Are we concerned that this man won’t be able to focus on the movie because he’s really hoping that the Broncos cover? Would it really be that big of a loss to the nation if this guy wasn’t able to properly enjoy Jackass Number Two?

I guess that’s where we draw the line, when people use cell phones and BlackBerries. That’s when it’s out of hand. You know, I wish drug dealers would think to start using cell phones for drug deals, so then the government could get around to whooping some ass on that War on Drugs. Does this fellow think no one’s ever used a cell phone to place a bet before? Or a BlackBerry, for that matter?

And if religious leaders are concerned about it, then of course we have to act. Because that’s what our great nation is based on: making laws out of the religious values of a few people. That’s what freedom is all about. I feel like listening to a goddamn Lee Greenwood record.

Myself, I’m not really going to miss it. I’ve never placed a sports bet online, and while I’ve played a little bit of poker online, it’s not something I really made a habit of. I hadn’t played in quite some time. But putting a ban on this is absurd and does absolutely nothing to make anyone happier, safer, or better in any way.

One of two things is going to happen. Either the online sites are going to find a loophole, or some way around this… or the gamblers are going to take their business to their local bookie, to underground poker clubs… places where, if they screw up, they get their legs broken.

I’m OK with a five-game suspension for Albert Haynesworth, but that’s about the minimum I’d have been happy with. It is an NFL record suspension for on-field behavior, so I suppose that’s substantial enough. I’d have been happier with 10 games, and I thought the right call was to sit him for the rest of the year. What he did, obviously, was pretty sick and twisted, and he’s got to pay for that.

If you missed any of his heartfelt apologies, here’s a sample:

“What I did out there was disgusting,” Haynesworth said Sunday. “It doesn’t matter what the league does to me. The way I feel right now, you just can’t describe it.”

Well, that’s good. Your contrition is noted and appreciated, but for the purposes of your punishment, it’s also pretty useless. But I think you already know that.

And one thing I also want to note is that while his act was brutal and vicious and unacceptable… things like this do happen. They’re not usually that blatant, they’re not usually that visible to the camera… but you don’t think NFL players do things to intentionally hurt other NFL players from time to time? Under a pile for a loose ball, all kinds of wild shit goes on. Balls are grabbed. People are bitten. People are punched, kicked, etc. I remember an incident in a college game where one player blatantly choked another player after a play. What happened was nuts, but not unprecedented, in my opinion.

And taking it another step further, just to throw it out there for discussion… is it better or worse for Albert Haynesworth to stomp his spikes into someone’s grill, as opposed to a Broncos offensive lineman diving with his helmet or shoulder pad into the side of a defensive lineman’s knee? Is it better or worse than Warren Sapp hospitalizing Chad Clifton, 30 yards away from the ball, with absolutely zero chance to make any impact on a play?

And I know that it’s apples and oranges, and that those two things are technically legal. If if I have my knee caved in by a lineman on a pussy cut block, or if I have my hip shattered by an idiot defensive lineman… what it actually says in the NFL rule book is of little consequence to me. Legal or not, those players did things that were 1) completely unnecessary, and 2) likely to result in serious injury to fellow players (far more serious than 30 stitches to the forehead, by the way), and they damn well knew it.

Douchebaggery just seems to follow Bill Romanowski around. He was the NFL’s dirtiest player for years, and now, as the coach of a youth football team in California, he’s involved in a controversy concerning the dirty play of a 12-year-old, and his reaction to it. It may cost him his position as coach.

And the first thing that I’m wondering is … who the fuck let Bill Romanowski coach a youth football team? Who was coaching the other team, Rae Carruth? Todd Marinovich’s dad?

I’m all for second chances for everyone, but I’m sorry, when you build a career out of exhibiting a complete lack of class and sportsmanship on the football field, you do not get to be the guy entrusted to teach those things to kids.

But I digress… that isn’t the issue on the table. He is a head coach, we’ll just have to deal with it… and here’s what happened: Romanowski’s team was playing against another team that included a particularly rambunctious little bastard. Romo’s kids kept coming back to the sideline with scratches on their neck, cuts and bruises… the player even spit in JJ Stokes’ face. Romanowski confronted the other coach, and told him what his player was doing, and asked the coach to try to keep the game clean.

Then later, the same kid leg whipped another of Romo’s kids, and Romanowski, being an expert on recognizing dirty play, went out onto the field to check on his player. In the process, he also told the junior Romanowski out there, “Buddy, I warned your coach at halftime this kind of stuff doesn’t belong out here. You hurt my kid.”

This is the first time I’ve ever said this, and it will likely be the last, but … I don’t think Romanowski didn’t anything wrong here. I wouldn’t even describe it as inappropriate. In fact, I feel like it would’ve been irresponsible fo him not to say something to the kid.

If it scared the hell out of the boy, good. He was playing dirty, and it’s the responsibility of coaches and adults to put a stop to it. If the other coach won’t do it, then someone has to… even if that someone is Bill fucking Romanowski. The kid is 12 years old, not 5, and if he’s old enough to try to intentionally hurt other players, he’s old enough to have a steroid abuser scare the hell out of him.

Some parents and some administrators, though, had a problem with Romo’s running onto the field and confronting the player. The athletic director at the middle school says that Romanowski will be barred from the field when the two teams play again.

I’d argue that if anyone’s going to be barred, it should be the coach who’s letting his player do this. He was aware of it, Romanowski told him politely about it once, and the kid kept doing it. That’s on the coach. If he can’t control his own player, either by lecturing him or benching him, then he is the irresponsible coach. And if you’re coaching in a league that includes Bill Romanowski, and you earn the title of the most irresponsible coach in the league, then you’ve got some serious problems.

I feel terrible for this poor bastard. Gordon Riese, the instant replay official who missed the call at the end of the Oregon/Oklahoma game, is not doing well. He can’t eat, he can’t sleep, his blood pressure is through the roof, and some jackass Oklahoma fans are threatening his life, as well as his wife and children. He doesn’t know if he wants to return this season, or ever.

“I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, my blood pressure is skyrocketing,” Riese said, looking haggard and worn as he sat on the front porch of his house.

“They not only threatened me, they threatened my wife and kids,” Riese said.

“I don’t know how to deal with it,” he said. “I guess it’s just one of those things.”

That is entirely sickening, and clearly, the people responsible for the threats are mentally imbalanced and belong in a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison.

I don’t know what else to say, except I feel terrible for the guy. He made a mistake. A mistake, even, that wasn’t entirely his fault. For some reason, he only had one replay angle of it, and it wasn’t the replay that everyone saw on TV. He didn’t have a lot of time to review it, he couldn’t freeze the frame, and was being pressured by television and the official on the field to make a call.

Making things worse was OU’s president acting like a total jackass, asking that the loss be overturned and all of the officials suspended for the year. Why would the president of the university even care? He doesn’t have other things to worry about, like, oh, I dunno… academics? Or making sure Rhett Bomar is comfortable financially? Act like a university president, dickhead, and not a scorned fan.

Just a sad and ugly situation.

I’m about to say some things that might just get my Sports Blogosphere membership card taken away. Everyone hates Michael Irvin, and a lot of people like to use “retard” as an insult. I disagree with both… therefore, for that clip, I think Tom Jackson is a Grade A asshole.

We’ll start with “retard,” and, just to forewarn you, I’m stepping up onto a soapbox right about… now.

I know it’s pretty commonly used and accepted, but it makes me cringe every time I hear it. There are people in the world with developmental disabilities (i.e., “retarded), and I think insulting someone by comparing them to someone with a disability is pretty thoughtless and cruel… to the people with the disabilities, that is. They don’t need that. Their condition is not one to be pitied or ridiculed or used as an insult against someone else.

Now, I’m not judging people who use it. I hear it all the time, even from my friends. I just wish they’d reconsider and find something else to say. Lord knows I say some wildly inappropriate things myself, quite often.

But someone on television, someone with a voice that’s heard by that many people definitely should have thought about it beforehand, should know what it means to say that, and should set a better example for people. I don’t have a whole lot of respect left for Tom Jackson.

And here’s the other reason for that… Michael Irvin is not even wrong. To start with, it’s a lame question that has no right or wrong answer, it’s just there to fill time. And Irvin’s answer was perfectly acceptable, perfectly logical and plausible. If Tom Jackson disagrees with him, even on something that inane, he has to call him a “retard” for it? What is his problem?

Is the issue of which Manning brother needed that win the most such an emotional issue? Is that what Tom Jackson is going to get all sensitive about? Why? What was it about Irvin’s answer that he couldn’t handle?

Thanks a lot to DeJuiced for the video.

I hadn’t heard about this, but a guy who left threatening voice mails for Ty Willingham when he was the head coach at Notre Dame was fined $2,000 and put on probation for a year.

French has said he was drunk, under peer pressure and not using good judgment when he made the 3 a.m. call and left a message for Willingham.

He said that he said “terrible things” during that call, including using racially charged terms about Willingham and threatening to burn a cross in the coach’s yard.

I’m thinking jail time is appropriate here. A phone call like that… that’s something can honestly make a man and his family afraid for their safety. A fine and probation isn’t enough for that. What he did had to have caused caused serious harm. I’m sorry, but jail time isn’t unreasonable for that.

Now, in this article, I should point out… the guy who made the call sounds genuinely remorseful. He seems aware of just how messed up it is to make a phone call like that, and he seems to have learned from the situation. I don’t know, though… you could make the argument that anyone capable of making such a phone call in the first place is not a stable person, and I couldn’t disagree with you.

I just hope he’s sincere about his remorse.

How embarrased is that kid right now? His dad was just on every news show in the country, flipping out because his son took a little bit of a late hit. Now he’s going to get picked on all the time, and the other kid can say, “What are you going to do, have your dad beat me up? Yeah, maybe when he gets out of Chino.”

I believe the team in black was losing, so the big kid probably made the hit on the little guy out of pure frustration. That happens, they’re youngsters. The kid who took the hit got right up, wasn’t injured, he’s fine … throw the flag, 15 yards, we all move on.

But here come daddy (an assistant freaking coach, even) like a bolt of lightning. He runs and puts a leaping knee into the kid, knocking him down… and then my favorite part, he starts backing up like he just saw Godzilla. He’s man enough to hit a 13-year-old, but when a ref steps in his direction, he starts backing up like a little girl. Yeah, he’ll do well in the joint.

This is just fantastic. How insane does a guy have to be for something like that to happen? Maybe the guy just picked this particular day to start up a cocaine habit. He actually escaped the scene, bit the police, through some amazing detective work, were able to track down the guy with the use of the videotape, his son, the other coaches on the staff, and the hundred or so witnesses that all knew exactly who he was.

Some managers are fire-and-brimstone types, yelling and screaming, breaking down before building up kind of guys. Some guys are nurturers, building a cooperative atmosphere through keeping self-esteem levels high and promoting cameraderie. And then there’s Blue Jays manager John Gibbons, who just wants to beat your ass.

Back in July, Gibbons challenged Shea Hillenbrand to a fight, and last night, apparently got into an actual fight with pitcher Ted Lilly. Gibbons went out to the mound to pull Lilly from the game, an argument ensued, Lilly screamed at Gibbons, and Gibbons screamed at Lilly, and Lilly refused to give him the ball. Lilly eventually went to the locker room, and Gibbons followed him. Gibbons was seen pushing Lilly first, and Gibbons later had a bloody nose. What happened in between there, I couldn’t tell you.

I think there have probably been a few situations where a manager would be justified in punching a player. I don’t think it’s impossible for a situation like that to occur, but it’s probably rare. Lilly was probably out of line, but still, when it happens to the same manager twice in one season… well, that’s not a good sign. At some point, you have to show some restraint. If Jack Johnson and Tom O’Leary are your most effective way of managing your team, you’re in trouble.

I hope it happens once more this season before he’s fired, and I hope someone just beats him unmercifully. Not because I dislike him or anything… I probably wouldn’t know who he was if he walked in my door right now (though the Blue Jays uniform and bloody nose might tip it off). But if your managerial style can be best described as first-option violence, you deserve to get your ass kicked in public, at least once.

When I first glaned at the headline about LenDale White getting into a training camp fight, I didn’t think it was any big deal. Unless LenDale went Michael Westbrook on someone, I wasn’t going to think much of it. Training camp fights happen, guys are tired, hot, pissed off, sick of hitting each other… boys will be boys. It happens.

But what you wouldn’t think happens… is teammates spitting on each other in practice. When the fight broke out between LenDale and safety Donnie Nickey, Keith Bulluck was heard yelling that LenDale White spit in Nickey’s face. Who does that? I think you’d have to be pretty low to spit in an opponent’s face, let along a teammate’s. That’s messed up.

I don’t know if I’ve ever linked to Rick Reilly, mainly because his SI.com stuff is usually inaccessible to non-survivors. But SI.com has made Reilly’s most-recent offering available to the masses, and… it’s a good one.

In fact, it’s not so much a column as it is a question of ethics. I’ll let Reilly pose it to you:

This actually happened. Your job is to decide whether it should have.

In a nine- and 10-year-old PONY league championship game in Bountiful, Utah, the Yankees lead the Red Sox by one run. The Sox are up in the bottom of the last inning, two outs, a runner on third. At the plate is the Sox’ best hitter, a kid named Jordan. On deck is the Sox’ worst hitter, a kid named Romney. He’s a scrawny cancer survivor who has to take human growth hormone and has a shunt in his brain.

So, you’re the coach: Do you intentionally walk the star hitter so you can face the kid who can barely swing?

Wait! Before you answer…. This is a league where everybody gets to bat, there’s a four-runs-per-inning max, and no stealing until the ball crosses the plate. On the other hand, the stands are packed and it is the title game.

So … do you pitch to the star or do you lay it all on the kid who’s been through hell already?

When I think about it in terms of what is the right moral answer, to be honest with you, it doesn’t come to me quickly. But when I think about it in terms of what I’d have done if I was coaching the Yankees, I very quickly and easily determine that there’s no way I’d have walked the good hitter to get to the bad one. I just wouldn’t, it wouldn’t be a difficult decision, and here’s why:

This isn’t a league that’s about honest competition. Everyone bats, you can’t score more than 4-per-inning, and you can’t steal. That, to me, is a clear indication that this is a league that is not about honest competition, it is not about playing to win the game, it’s about playing to protect feelings.

And whether or not you think that leagues like that should even exist is an entirely seperate issue; the fact of the matter is that this league exists, that’s what it’s for, and that’s what they’re doing there. That is the goal and spirit of the league, and the coach should have abided by it. Now, whether or not a league with that sort of a goal should have a championship game at all is another issue; one worth exploring for the league organizers next year.

And if you’re the coach of the Yankees, the team that did the walking, how the hell could you celebrate that victory and sleep at night? It’s one thing for the Yankees players to celebrate it, they’re nine. All they know is that they won; the moral dilemmas fall to the adults.

If the coach had to make a quick decision, he got some bad advice, panicked and made the wrong call, fine. We’re all human, it happens. But if he’s actually proud of this victory, and he’s happily celebrating the fact that he coached a group of 9-year-olds to a championship in a non-competitive league by picking on the physically weakest kid on the other team… well, then that guy’s got some problems.

But, just to switch gears for a minute…

If those non-competitive rules weren’t in place, I think this would be an entirely different question. Let’s say the kids are a little older, and the only protection for a bad team or player is a 10-run mercy rule. It’s a competitive league, and the goal is to crown the best team. If that was the case, then I might come down on the other side of the fence here.

With those assumptions, the kid probably never would have been in that position anyway. He might have been subbed out before then, the coach might not have had to play him at all, and he almost certainly wouldn’t be hitting right behind the best player on the team. This would have been a lot less likely to happen.

But if it still had, then I think it would be okay to walk the good hitter to get to the bad one. I’m a big believer in “You Play To Win The Game” (© Herman Edwards). There is value in honest competition. If the kids are working hard to be the best in the league, then the coach owes it to them to do his part to get them the championship they’ve been working for. Now, that is not the situation these Red Sox and Yankees found themselves in, but under different circumstances, it could have been.

And you also don’t want to send the message to the kids on the Yankees that people with disabilities (and I’m not what, if any, specific disabilities this particular kid had, other than just a general physical lack of strength) are to be patronzied, or that they need hand-outs. Altering a time-honored baseball strategy to protect someone’s feelings would not fall under the category of human compassion or helping your fellow man. In a league that’s about protecting feelings, you protect feelings. In a league that’s about competition, you compete, and you make the decisions you have to make to win the game, as best you can, within the rules.

At any rate, I’d be willing to bet that the kid is going to handle this better than any of the adults involved. According to Riley, the kid cried himself to sleep that night, and then the next day, was out in the yard practicing so that one day, he could be the kid who got walked.

And if he never gets to that point, if he’s never a great hitter, he’ll be able to handle that, too. He’s handled a hell of a lot worse. Physically, he may be weak. Emotionally, he’s probably one tough little bastard. He’s probably had to be. At certain points in our lives, we’ve all had to face the realization that we weren’t great at something we wanted to be great at.

That probably shouldn’t happen in a little league game for 9-year-olds where everybody bats. But that day will eventually come. As kids, we all had to realize at some point or another that we weren’t going to be professional athletes, so will he, and I guarantee you that he’ll be well aware of his limitations at the time. It’s not like any of it will come as a surprise to him. He’ll just go through it, like everyone has.

To Rick Reilly, thumbs high for a provocative column. To any coach of the Yankees that feels really good about themselves, you should probably quit coaching nine-year-olds. To the adults who were near-brawling on the field after the game, learn how to control yourselves and set a better example. And to the kid who struck out, best of luck, little man, and I’ve got a hunch that you’re going to be just fine.