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Great, Lance Stephenson Is Learning Lessons. Happy Now?

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Lance Stephenson, whose awful words were the sole reason that great basketball player LeBron James played great basketball in Game 4 of the Eastern Conference Finals, isn’t going to talk anymore.

And that’s smart. Because back in 2007, Lance Stephenson once told me that he didn’t like the color of my shoes, and the next day, I built a full-size, solar-powered helicopter out of a rusty curling iron, and then I bit Rampage Jackson’s ear off.

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The Dumbest Show On CBS Makes Some Changes

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I cannot think of a single interesting thing that Tony Gonzalez has ever said.

Please understand, that's a mere observation and not a knock on Tony Gonzalez. I'm sure the man has said and thought many interesting things; it's just that 99.999999% of all the things Tony Gonzalez has ever said have been outside of my earshot. For all I know, his mind is a bubbling cauldron of high-minded philosophies and bon mots.

But if that's the case, he's kept it to himself. And if he did make the conscious decision to never say anything interesting in public, ever, I would understand completely, since being the least bit outspoken is pretty much an all-around losing proposition for any athlete.

It's odd, though, that CBS just hired him to perform the very task of saying interesting things in public, since it's something he's done zero times before. It would make no less sense to hire Tony Gonzalez as a whale taxidermist.

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