And in honor of the special day:

Man, that’s timeless.

And what an honor that is for Matthew McConaughey. “We Are Marshall” comes out this weekend, and I’m just wondering if any of you have worked up a burning desire to see it … because I really can’t. I’m a McConaughey fan … I loved his work in Dazed and Confused, and obviously, like we all were, I was a huge fan of “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.” And I really loved him in … well, I’m sure he’s been in other movies.

Anyone have any reason to believe that this won’t be exactly like every other paint-by-number sports movie that’s been made over the past few years, that’s sort of decent, but nothing terribly special? I want to like it, I want to be excited about it … I’m just not sure I can buy McConaughey as someone who can carry a movie, I don’t know who Matthew Fox is, and from all the trailers and commercial I’ve seen already … I kinda want to punch Chris Griffin in the face.

Anyway, here’s a scene from the movie that was shown on the scoreboard at a Marshall game, recorded with surprising quality. In fact, this appears to be one of the climactic scenes of the movie. Why they’re giving this one away, I’m not sure, but if you’re so inclined, here it is:

Stephon Marbury, since he already has basketball mastered, is expanding his horizons and getting into the TV game. He’s supposedly got a new talk show out there, and has already filmed a few demo shows, and is now just looking for someone to pick it up.

The first interview he did with an hour-long sitdown with Kobe Bryant, and Stephon is particularly proud of it. And I made a few phone calls and was lucky enough to get a tape. I transcribed the interview for you, and it’s here, exclusively on themightymjd.com. Enjoy.

Starbury: So, Kobe, did you see my game last night? I had 35 points.
Kobe: Cool. Did you win?
Starbury: I said I had 35 points.
Kobe: Well, yeah, I heard you… but I mean, did the Knicks win?
Starbury: I’m not sure, actually.
Kobe: Oh.
Starbury: Hey, have you tried my new shoes? They’re kind of cool.
Kobe: No, I’ve got this deal with Nike, I can’t of kind wear anything else.
Starbury: I’m doing something really nice for the kids out there who can’t afford Nike shoes.
Kobe: I think that’s great, man.
Starbury: And you’re kinda not, since your shoes are so expensive.
Kobe: (silence)
Starbury: Don’t you think that’s nice of me?
Kobe: Yeah. Yeah, that’s great.
Starbury: Say I’m nice.
Kobe: What?
Starbury: Say I’m nice. Come on, say it.
Kobe: I don’t think I’m going to say that.
Starbury: Okay, it’s cool. Everyone knows anyway.
Kobe: If you say so.
Starbury: Hey, did you know that Larry Brown was a total dick and that he told my kids that God hates all Canadians, and that he threw a knife at my wife’s face and–
Kobe: Look, man. Do you think we could talk about something other than you?
Starbury: Yeah. Well, I mean, I don’t know why we would, but if you want to…
Kobe: Alright, good.
Starbury: So… (look at his watch) Shooting the basketball is fun, isn’t it?
Kobe: Yes. I like the shooting the basketball.
Starbury: Me too.
Kobe: Yep.
Starbury: So, um… dribbling it is alright, too.
Kobe: Yeah. Sometimes, it can be.
Starbury: Yeah.
Kobe: (nods)
Starbury: So, let’s talk about you some more, since, you know, you’re too important to talk about anyone else. On a scale of 9.8 to 10, how great would you say that I am?
Kobe: See, that’s about you again.
Starbury: No, man, I asked you what you thought.
Kobe: I’m out of here.
Starbury: Cool, seeya, man. We’ll be back with more me on the Me Me Me show, right after this.

And they’re taking measures to ensure that this happens, replacing Hubie Brown as their lead analyst. And that’s enough right there to know that it’s a bad decision… Hubie Brown is the best game analyst alive, in any sport. There’s no one they could replace him with that would be as good. There is no one. No one.

But the man that is stepping into the role is Mark Jackson, who used to be the analyst on ABC’s studio show, which was one of the worst in all of sports. Last year, it started out with Dan Patrick and Mark Jackson… but it sounded a bit too much like the Delicous Dish skit on National Public Radio, only no one ever came around to talk about their Schwetty Balls, so they had to bring in Mike Wilbon to give it some life.

Hubie Brown, the best to ever do it, is being replaced by the guy who needed Mike Wilbon to come in and keep his show from inducing the entire viewership into a collective coma.

Hubie will take over as the lead analyst on ESPN, which I suppose means that I’ll ultimately see more of Hubie Brown than I would have otherwise. But when the playoffs and the Finals roll around, it’s going to be way less Hubie, and I’m going to miss him.

I don’t know what to think about this. My first gut reaction when I heard what I said–and I’m not saying this is right, just my first reaction–was, “He wants to retire to get started on his TV career? What kind of a pussy is Tiki Barber?”

But then I think, “Well, the human body is not built to withstand the beating that it takes in an NFL football game, and if Tiki Barber wants to retire now and save his body the wear and tear, why the hell would anyone begrudge him that? It’s the smart thing to do.”

I’ve just never heard of anyone who’s good at anything saying, “Ah, you know, maybe it’s time to quit this thing I’m so good at, and then just talk about that thing.” I mean, I doubt that Mos Def has any kind of a pressing urge to retire from acting and rapping and write for Rolling Stone. Ron Jeremy never said, “Eh, you know, I think I’d just rather talk about giving it to someone doggystyle. Picasso was probably never like, “Ah, fuck all these paint brushes. Let’s go to the museum and tell someone else they suck.” In all seriousness, I just don’t think that’s something that’s ever been done by someone who has a real passion for what they do.

And Tiki Barber plays like someone who loves football, which might be why I’m having a hard time processing this. I could see it if Marvin Harrison was like, “I’m tired of all these people looking at me, and I don’t want to do it anymore.” But Tiki Barber has never seemed uncomfortable, he’s never seemed like he didn’t want to be there. If he didn’t love football, I doubt he’d have become as great as he is.

So if he does still love it, if he does still value a championship… I think he’d regret if he retired while still having quite a bit in the tank. Obviously, I don’t know Tiki Barber, I don’t know what motivates him, I don’t know exactly what he’s thinking here… maybe he’s not driven by things like championships, and of course, that’s fine. He’s entitled to that.

But if he does still have a competitive drive, but retires anyway… I don’t know. The things people regret in life are the things people don’t do… the risks they don’t take. A lot of times, you wish you hadn’t taken the safer, easier option. If that’s what he’s doing here, I think he’ll wish he hadn’t.

And I don’t even think he’ll be that good of an analyst. He’s got a nice smile, he seems very friendly and non-threatening… but I don’t know if I’ve ever heard him say anything interesting. Have you seen that Dish Network commercial? Is that really a guy you trust to entertain you on a Sunday pre-game show?

Of course, it might not even be a football TV gig that he’s after. It says here that his retirement goal is to become a “Today show anchor.” Which would make me respect the decision less… I mean, when Robert Smith retired from the Vikings, it was to become a doctor. Tiki Barber’s going to retire to pursue a job where his main responsibilities are to be well-groomed and read cue cards? Weak, Tiki.

I was a little bit afraid that NBC’s “Friday Night Lights” would get caught up on a lot of Dawson’s Creek bullshit, but I was relieved to find out last night that that wouldn’t be the case. I watch barely any non-sports television, but I felt like I had to see Friday Night Lights last night because the movie was so good, and the TV show brought back the same writer and director, Peter Berg.

And it sticks pretty well with the formula from the movie. It doesn’t have exactly the same feel–the movie was based on actual people and events, whereas this is completely fictionalized–but there’s still an interest in having characters with a sense of realness. There’s still the same feel of a fucked-up southern town where no one ever bothered to learn that life goes a little bit beyond high school football. There’s still the same patient and dramatic directing.

It works for me because the characters work. Every character here is flawed in some way, and Peter Berg gives them the time and space to show it. It’s a little bit more melodramatic than the movie, but it’s better than I anticipated.

And it looks like they’ve done a fine job casting it, too, and I thought that might be a problem. Billingsley and Winchell and Miles were such fantastic characters in the movie, played by very good actors… I thought it might be a little bit hard to get out of their shadow. And there are characters here with similarities, but pretty significant differences, too, which is good. It’s a whole new set of personalities.

Texas head coach Mack Brown had a cameo last night… and even Mack fucking Brown was good. If I didn’t know ahead of time that Mack Brown was going to be in this thing, I probably wouldn’t have noticed that it was him, and just chalked it up to some guy doing a good job at playing a douchebag.

Here’s a clip that illustrates pretty well some of the positive and negatives. You see Mack Brown, you see the pressure from the coach from some local people… and then towards the end, you see an older ho’s advances towards a player. That seemed like a bit much, but the show kept stuff like that to a minimum.

Anyway, I dug it. Not quite as much as the New York Times, evidently… but I very much enjoyed it nonetheless. Check out the opening paragraph from their review.

Lord, is “Friday Night Lights” good. In fact, if the season is anything like the pilot, this new drama about high school football could be great — and not just television great, but great in the way of a poem or painting, great in the way of art with a single obsessive creator who doesn’t have to consult with a committee and has months or years to go back and agonize over line breaks and the color red; it could belong in a league with art that doesn’t have to pause for commercials, or casually recap the post-commercial action, or sell viewers on the plot and characters in the first five minutes, or hew to a line-item budget, or answer to unions and studios, or avoid four-letter words and nudity.

In case you’re interested, I live-blogged the fuck out of last night’s Saints/Falcons game, and then wrote about Tony Kornheiser’s performance. You can find them both here.

In print, that is. If it happened in reality, it would be a much bigger story. But Albom took Williams to task in yesterday’s Detroit Free Press for something Williams after the Bears ass-romping of the Lions on Sunday.

Albom had issues with Williams getting up and celebrating after making a first down catch in the 1st quarter. Williams has always gotten up and celebrated first down catches, and when I say celebrated, I don’t mean that he broke out a 4-minute choreographed dance routine. He gets up, makes some kind of a motion or gesture, and he moves on. Albom didn’t like it because the Bears were down 10-0 at the time.

I don’t agree. Now, granted, I think it’s unspeakably dumb for someone to celebrate when the game has clearly been decided, and they’re on the wrong end of it. If it was 17-0, with 3:21 left to play in the game, and Williams is jumping up and down, then yes, he’s an idiot. But at 10-0 in the first quarter, the Lions hadn’t gotten their asses kicked, nor were they even getting their asses kicked yet. If he wants to get up and do something to fire himself up and fire the team up, I don’t see a thing wrong with that.

The game was not over, and no one on the Lions, at that point in the game, had anything to be hanging their heads about. There was a lot of football to be played. You can still come with it then.

And then there was Williams’ quote, which Albom had some fun with in particular.

“I celebrate first downs all the time. I’m not gonna stop that. I’m an exciting player. If I do something exciting, I’m gonna show my actions.”

“But you were losing, 10-0.”

“What does that mean? … That means nothing to me. The score means nothing.”

Oh. My bad. I thought that’s how they determined who won.

Now, it’s easy to jump on that, but… there’s no way that Williams meant that in the way that Albom made it look like he did. I think Williams meant that the score wasn’t relevant right then to his celebration, as in… the Lions were still in the game, he was still fired up and ready to play, he was still going full throttle. But Albom used it to take a shot at Roy Williams, making it look like he was an ignorant, selfish, me-first jerk, which I don’t think is fair. Mitch Albom just bullied Roy Williams with his typewriter.

Roy Williams cares about the score, and Roy Williams cares about winning and losing. And these are things that Mitch Albom damn well knows. It bugs me because once a guy gets a reputation as a selfish, me-first player, it’s almost impossible to shed. And the media, especially influential members like Albom, can really influence something like that.

There have never been any questions about the work ethic of Williams, or that he’s not a team guy. If you’re looking for Detroit wide receivers that were high draft picks that have those qualities, then they aren’t hard to find. Williams’ pre-game guarantee was silly, and he’s an easy target right now, but he didn’t deserve that.

AOL Sports has gotten into the blogging business. What they’ve done, actually, is bring a bunch of bloggers together under the same roof, and create one big, happy, NFL blog. They’ll eventually have something similar for all sports, I believe, but they’re starting with the NFL. And you can find it at:

http://nfl.aolsportsblog.com/

And they’ve had the poor business sense to make me one such blogger. I can’t use profanity over there, which means you’re likely to see an exponential increase in the potty-mouth over here. I think that’s good news for all of us. Fucking awesome news, in fact.

I’ve been posting there for a little while, as we waited for the thing to go live. But live it is, and I’d encourage you to make it a daily stop. There are some very good NFL bloggers over there. Really. I wouldn’t bullshit you about something like that. Okay, I would, but I’m not.

You can find all of my posts, in one handy location, here.

I watched Monday Night Football last night, mainly to check out the debut of the Tirico / Theismann / Kornheiser team. And I liked it, and I’ll get to that in a minute.

But I feel like it’s important to address my one major complaint first, because it’s a big one. If you missed it, ESPN is doing, at several points throughout the game, segements where Kornheiser answers fan e-mails. Accompanying this segement is a looped ’song,’ in which men shout “Tony!” repeatedly.

Please, hear me out on this one, ESPN, I beg of you. For my sake and your sake, lose that fucking song. It has to go. It HAS to go. You can keep the viewer e-mail segments if you feel like you have to, but that song makes me want to put my fist through my television screen and clutch the live wires inside until they electrocute and burn to death every living cell in my body.

It sounds like a local radio commercial jingle that was written by an 80s boy band that hasn’t been able to find work since their lead singer was caught blowing an ice cream truck driver outside of a Toys-R-Us. That’s what it sounds like.

I like Tony Kornheiser, and it’s cool that you have him on Monday Night Football… but he isn’t so cool that he deserves his own one-lyric song that shouts his name over and over again. No one’s that cool. That song is the kind of thing that will make people hate Tony Kornheiser. Burn every recording you have it. It’s not enough to just stop playing it. Gather up every recording of it that exists, put them in a pile, pour gasoline over it, and light them on fire. Do not let anyone else hear that thing ever again, because it is terrible, and it’s going to get Tony Kornheiser killed.

Anyway… about the rest of the show.

It’s probably too rare that I compliment television broadcast teams, and I’m not sure if it’s that they’re all bad, or if it’s because I’m such a snide prick, but… I don’t have nice things to say about too many people that call games. But, after watching the predictably ugly Vikings/Raiders preseason game last night, I really think ESPN’s on the right track with the team they’ve assembled.

I like Mike Tirico about 47,000% more than I like Al Michaels. And Joe Theismann, I know a lot of you aren’t big fans, and I really haven’t been, either, but he’s a different guy without Paul Maguire around. Theismann actually has his moments where he’s insightful and pleasant, but they were extremely few and far between when he had to sit next to Paul Maguire, who might as well have been wearing a rodeo clown outfit. Theismann’s still a little too afraid to say a bad word about anyone, but I can think of guys who are a lot worse.

And Kornheiser was pretty good last night (here’s a recap, if you’re looking for one). Considering that it was his first stab at it, I’d bump his grade up to exceptional. The big thing with him is that he’s not going to pretend to be something he’s not. Last night, he asked Theismann what a “silent count” was, because he had no idea. I’d think that anyone who watches football with any level of seriousness would be familiar with the silent count, but he wasn’t. And he wasn’t afraid to let people know that, and I think that’s good. It would be easy for someone in that position to just try and fake some deep football knowledge, and I hope he never succumbs to that. I just want him to play his role, do what he does, and things will be fine.

Even Suzy Kolber was on top of her game last night, comparing Al Davis to Fidel Castro. I think she just meant that they’ve both been around forever and have no intention of going away willingly, but I’d like to think she was also implying that they’re both evil, murderous, lowlifes who will burn in hell.

FOX Sports had a difficult decision to make. James Brown hosted their previously unwatchable NFL pre-game show, but he left to go host CBS’s almost-as-unwatchable NFL pre-game show. So their options were to hire someone new; perhaps a fresh, new face that could bring something different to the table… or we could get more Joe Buck. We’re getting more Joe Buck.

You may like Joe Buck. There are evidently those who do, as he’s won some Emmys of some kind. Myself, personally, I hate listening to him. He irks the hell out of me. If you want to watch the #1 NFC game of the week, you could end up dealing with about six hours of Joe Buck on Sundays. Even if you like Joe Buck… that’s a hell of a lot of Joe Buck.

Maybe I’m being unfair to Joe Buck here. Who knows, maybe he’ll slide into the host’s chair, be great at it, and I’ll build a great desire to be his close friend. Or maybe he’ll be the same holier-than-thou guy who went Nuts when Randy Moss pretended to pull down his imaginary pants. I don’t know.

But I don’t get why FOX is going to so much trouble, packing up and taking their entire pregame show on the road every week, so Joe Buck can host the studio show, and then go upstairs to the booth to call the game. Why? Was there no one else on the planet who could handle this job? Why so afraid to take a chance on someone new? And if you have to recycle someone, why not hire Pat O’Brien and fire him up with an 8-ball five minutes before he goes on the air?

Anyway, now the FOX pregame roster consists of Jimmy Johnson (fairly useless), Howie Long (somewhat tolerable), Terry Bradshaw (irritating as fuck), and Joe Buck (every bit as irritating as Terry Bradshaw, with the added bonus of being smug as fuck). Can’t wait.

When you watch a sporting event on ABC from now, it’s no longer being presented to you by “ABC Sports.” In fact, that no longer exists. ESPN has swallowed them whole, and any sporting event that appears on ABC from now on, is being brought to you by “ESPN on ABC.” The Little League World Series will be the last event eler televised by ABC Sports.

Gone is the organization that brought you “The Wide World of Sports,” in favor of more from the organization that brought you “Bonds on Bonds.” Actually, I suppose it doesn’t ultimately make any difference to me. ESPN is probably omnipresent enough in my life right now, but what are you going to do? It’s not like I can just stop patronizing ESPN. They’ve got their hooks in me.

Richard Sandomir of the New York Times has done his best to find some teeth-gnashing and hand-wringing about the event, quoting NBC’s Dick Ebersol as saying that his heart weeps for Roone Aldredge’s legacy. Keith Jackson and Dan Dierdorf were also a little bit pissed, mainly about people’s legacies, about which, to be perfectly honest with you, I could not possibly care less.

ABC’s been using ESPN commentators and graphics for a long time now, and I don’t think much actual presentation is going to change. Really, the move is purely masturbatory on the part of ESPN. George Bodenheimer, president of ESPN, had some kind of a line about this enabling ABC and ESPN to better serve fans, but you’ll have to forgive me if I’m a little bit skeptical about his altruism. All the move really does is put get the ESPN brand a little more exposure, which they probably think is going to help them sell some cell phones.

This is messed up. Check out the headline for this article:

“Van Slyke on Ozzie: ‘Latinos are hot-headed’”

Now, three paragraphs down, here’s the actual quote from Tigers first base coach, Andy Van Slyke, who was asked about Ozzie Guillen’s recent outburst at the pitcher who refused to bean a guy:

“(Guillen’s) a guy who wears his emotions on his sleeve,” Van Slyke told the radio network. “He is, if you want to call it, an atypical Latin baseball player.

“I don’t believe that it’s true for all Latinos, but a lot of people’s perception is that Latinos are hot-headed. He has certainly shown that he gets a little upset and a little excited about the littlest, silliest things.”

I dunno who wrote that headline (and chances are, it’s not the same person who wrote the article), but man, whoever it was did a serious hack job on Andy Van Slyke. Just completely hung him out to dry. That’s like a guy saying, “I know that the stereotype isn’t true for everyone, but I did once see a black man eating fried chicken,” and the headline the next day reading, “GUY SAYS THAT DARKIES LOVE THE KFC.” The headline is just a complete misrepresentation of what he said.

Van Slyke was, in fact, careful not to make any blanket statements about people of Latin descent… lets give him credit for that, instead of blindsiding him in the headline. How many people just glance at the headline and don’t read the article, and think Andy Van Slyke is a prick right now? That’s not cool. I’d say something about Van Slyke if he did say something offensive, so by the same token, I should probably also defend retired centerfielders who get unfairly railroaded by headline writers.

I went ahead and took a screen capture of it, just in case MSNBC decides to change it, as they damn well should.

And the headline to this little blog item is my own little personal act of vengeance on behalf of Andy Van Slyke. I hope it’s taken in the spirit as it was intended: completely factual.

As part of the government’s quest to preserve your values, the FCC is asking various networks for tapes of sporting events that could possibly include profanity from players, coaches, and fans. Any little slip-ups are likely to draw huge fines.

Under federal court rulings and commission rules, material is indecent if it “in context, depicts or describes sexual or excretory activities or organs in a patently offensive manner as measured by contemporary community standards for the broadcast medium.” Indecent speech can be aired safely between 10 p.m. and 6 a.m.

Now, I do believe in a certain amount of “decency” on the airwaves… which might come as a bit of a surprise to you, considering the outright filth that I produce here. But I do believe that when there’s a chance that young kids are watching, the networks have a responsibility to do what they can to keep the language clean, and I would take the bold stand of being against hardcore pornography being broadcast as a lead-in to SpongeBob Squarepants.

But at the same time, I like live television, and I understand that sometimes, you know, people say fuck. Things happen at live sporting events. At certain college arenas, the “asshole” chant is almost tradition. Bill Cowher can’t call a play without using the word “fuck.” I think it’s actually in some of their playcalls. “All right, let’s run Jumbo Right, Fuck 27, Slant Wing Z Cock Deep.”

Things just happen. And I think the networks do everything they can to keep it off the airwaves, with delays and such. But every now and then, a little bit of potty-mouth is going to get through. Broadcasters can be fined as much as $325,000 per violation, under a new law. And if networks keep getting hit with these huge fines, broadcasts are going to get farther and farther away from actually being “live.” Delays will be longer, microphones will get farther and farther from the field, and they’re going to air on the side of caution.

Just seems like the FCC should have better things to spend their time on.

The World Cup Final drew 16.9 million viewers in the United States… a number that shocks me a little bit. I’d have never guessed it would be that high. According to this New York Times article, that’s about 4 million more people than the average rating for an NBA Finals game, it’s almost as much as the 17.5 million that watched the NCAA championship between Florida and UCLA, and it’s roughly half the number of people who have been blown by Paris Hilton. And the 16.9 million people were pulled in on a Sunday afternoon, as opposed to primetime, when it’s a lot easier to bring in a huge audience.

That 16.9 million does include 5 million viewers from Univision, on top of the 11.9 on ABC…. so neither of the individual ratings is going to be setting records. But still, it proves that there’s an audience in America that is, at the very least, soccer-curious. Now, I’m not predicting that the MLS is ever going to take the nation by storm, but if they can improve their marketing, their level of play, and maybe get some help from a decent American performance on the World Cup stage… maybe there’s a market there for them after all.