The parents of Jason McElwain, the kid with autism who scored 20 points in a recent high school game, have gotten calls from about 25 production companies interested in making a movie about Jason’s exploits.

I wish it could just be enough that it was a great story. A documentary about his life, the game, the moment, fine. But a Disney movie about it? I dunno. I mean, these are the people who brought you “Air Bud,” not to mention “Air Bud 2″ and “Air Bud 3.” By the end of the movie, Jason will have an angel on his shoulder, turn into a werewolf at halftime, and a lovable, talking, dyslexic monkey with telekinetic powers will be starting alongside him as the power forward.

But, if they insist on making the movie… here are a few casting suggestions.

1) Luke Ridnour.

2) Jonathan Lipnicki.

3) Dwight Howard.

Former NBA center Manute Bol, 45, and his 27-year-old wife (nice work, Manute) have been arrested after they went to the police station to file complaints against each other. Things between them apparently got physical, though no one was hurt… which I find very easy to believe.

I think that’s a sign of a truly healthy relationship. I mean, anyone can send flowers, anyone can go see a chick flick with their lady… but how many couples do everything together, including going to the police station to file domestic abuse complaints against each other? That is true sharing. It’s so sweet.

Obviously, I have no idea who did what and who’s at fault. But I don’t know what kind of person has it in them to try and hurt Manute Bol… the guy has given everything he has, including his dignity, to relief efforts in the Sudan. He whooped Refrigerator Perry’s ass on celebrity boxing. He signed a contract to play hockey. He even did a promotional stint as a jockey… all to raise money for Sudanese refugees. It’s hard to picture him as the wife-beating type.

This seems like a strange choice to me. I mean, I have nothing against Lance Armstrong… but an entertainer, he is not. A cameo in Dodgeball doesn’t qualify a guy to keep a television crowd on their toes for three hours. I saw him on Saturday Night Live, and he made Joe Montana look like Richard Pryor. Not that I care, but it’s a puzzling selection.

Last year, it was Matthew Perry… I don’t remember much about his performance, in fact, I don’t even think I watched it. The year before that, it was Jamie Foxx, who was awesome. I still remember him singing “I Want To Be Your Tennis Ball” to Serena Williams… and the fact that I remember anything at all about the ESPYs is remarkable. How do you go from Jamie Foxx to Lance Armstrong in the span of two years? Ben Stein wasn’t available? Couldn’t get John Madden to do it?

Could be a loooong night in that theatre.

Well, no, not really. I know I’m late on this, but if you missed it, like me, Bryant Gumbel had this to say recently on HBO’s Real Sports:

Finally, tonight, the Winter Games. Count me among those who don’t care about them and won’t watch them. In fact, I figure that when Thomas Paine said that “these are the times that try men’s souls,” he must’ve been talking about the start of another Winter Olympics. Because they’re so trying, maybe over the next three weeks we should all try too. Like, try not to be incredulous when someone attempts to link these games to those of the ancient Greeks who never heard of skating or skiing.

So try not to laugh when someone says these are the world’s greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the winter games look like a GOP convention. Try not to point out that something’s not really a sport if a pseudo-athlete waits in what’s called a kiss-and-cry area, while some panel of subjective judges decides who won. And try to blot out all logic when announcers and sportswriters pretend to care about the luge, the skeleton, the biathlon and all those other events they don’t understand and totally ignore for all but three weeks every four years.

Face it — these Olympics are little more than a marketing plan to fill space and sell time during the dreary days of February. So if only to hasten the arrival of the day they’re done, when we can move on to March Madness — for God’s sake, let the games begin.

Well… yeah. I agree in the sense that these are not the “best athletes in the world,” and I never thought for a second that they were. They’re just guys who happen to be good at some winter sport. What Bryant Gumbel said was fine, and that the Winter Olympics exist is fine. As I’ve said, if it’s competitive, and there’s a medal on the line, I can enjoy damn near anything, if it’s just once every four years. If NASCAR only existed for about a week, once every four years, I’d probably a buy a damn Dale Rusty Junior sticker for my car.

But people are apparently pretty upset with Gumby. I just can’t believe people are making a big deal about what he said about the lack of black athletes. It’s not an insult to white athletes, but it’s a fact that just about the entire continent of Africa is all but excluded from the Winter Olympics, because of economic and climate reasons. That’s the way things are. If you exclude half the people in the world from participating, then no, you can’t claim to have the best athletes in the world. You may have the best skiiers, you might have the best bobsledders, you might have the best curlers… but best athletes? Sorry. They just aren’t.

And he’s right when he says that the Winter Olympics are a marketing plan to fill space and sell time. But… you know, that’s pretty much the definition of big-time sports in America. It’s all about marketing, it’s all about TV time, and it’s all about ad revenue. No matter how entertaining or meaningful you find it to be, at the end of the day, it exists for television and ad revenue. Period. For every sport.

Jerome has taken a position as a studio analyst with NBC. I’m a little unsure about Jerome’s abilities as an analyst… Yes, he’s got a great personality, he’s a likable guy, he smiles, women and children find him to be adorable and cuddly, but… ever heard him say anything of substance? Neither have I.

The times he’s popped into the CBS studio on bye weeks, etc., he’s been… fine. Just kinda there. Not stuttering like crazy, comfortable on camera, but saying things like, “I think they’ll come out and play hard and get the win today,” and, “Bowling’s a lot of fun!”

Of course, for NBC, it probably doesn’t hurt that the Steelers are going to be playing the first game of the season on a Thursday night on NBC, where Bettis will be getting his ring. That’ll make for a nice self-promotional TV moment for them. It might even be Jerome Bettis Night in Pittsburgh, where they unveil a big Jerome Statue, let Ben Roethlisberger dry-hump it, and then name a bowling alley after him.

With many thanks to Mister Irrelevant… here’s a movie trailer that you should check out. It’s for a movie where will Ferrell plays a NASCAR driver who has children named “Walker” and “Texas, Ranger.” That alone should be enough to make you want to see this movie.

It also stars John C. Reilly, Sacha Baron Cohen, Michael Clarke Duncan, David Koechner, and Chris Parnell. I don’t think I could be more excited about a movie if they announced that a fourth Godfather was in the works.

Check out Skip’s latest Page 2 offering.  Actually, I think it may have been written by my mother, but Skip’s name appears in the byline.

How can these teams ever generate enough star power to live up to the telecast’s Oscar-worthy commercials?

No Peyton or Brady or Vick or buzz.

No rivalry or bad blood or controversy or buzz.

Only zzz.

Skip, if you like buzz… watch E!’s red carpet show or something. You like the commercials, Big Skip? Then you can go watch the game with my mother. You two can ignore the game, chat about Desperate Housewives, and then when the commercials come on, you can act like you’re seeing the moon landing.

Would [the Steelers] have finished off the season’s most shocking upset, in Indianapolis, if Colts cornerback Nick Harper hadn’t weaved back into a sprawling ankle tackle by Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger? No.

As if Roethlisberger’s tackle of Nick Harper was the play on which that game turned. Like Bettis’s fumble was completely characteristic. Like the Troy Polamalu interception call was completely normal and happenstance.

Would the Steelers have won in Denver if an early poor pass by Roethlisberger had been picked off in the flat by Champ Bailey and returned for a stadium-rocking touchdown? Probably not.

Well, that’s great and all… except, you know, that didn’t happen. If Champ Bailey was a better player, Champ Bailey would be a better player, and Denver would be a better team. But they aren’t, they didn’t make plays, Pittsburgh did, and Denver lost.

Would the Seahawks have risen from 2-2 to home-field playoff advantage if Terrell Owens hadn’t torn apart the Eagles? If Michael Vick hadn’t regressed?

Again… these things happened, and are part of the reason that Seattle was the best team in the NFC. I don’t get your point, Skip. It’s like you’re asking, “Hey, if all these things didn’t happen that made Seattle the best team in the NFC, would Seattle be the best team in the NFC? Hey, if Matt Hasselbeck woke up this morning and shoved a pineapple into his ass, wouldn’t he walk a little bit funny? And if Shaun Alexander decided at age 11 to become a ballerina, would he be in the Super Bowl right now? No. He wouldn’t. And that’s why this Super Bowl sucks.”

Strictly from a football standpoint, this matchup is pretty intriguing.

So, a professional sportwriter says that the game, from a football standpoint, is intriguing. And also that it bores him. Why are you a sportswriter then? Go host Talk Soup or something.

I usually defend you, Skip. But this… you sound like any of the millions of 45-year-old women who are going to be at “Super Bowl parties” because they want to see the commercials. Weak.

Al Michaels has signed on to be the play-by-play guy for Monday Night Football on ESPN. Various reports have him reconsidering and trying to get out of his contract, so that he can be a part of NBC’s Sunday Night Football game. And if he does manage to weasel his way over to NBC… prepare for Tony Kornheiser.

ESPN would, according to today’s New York Post, opt for a 3-man booth of Mike Tirico, Joe Theisman, and Tony Kornheiser. Or, Mike Tirico and two guys who would gladly pay to give Joe Gibbs a reacharound.

I like Tony Kornheiser. I think he’s a funny, well-informed, interesting personality. But he’s not, you know… a football expert. That’s kinda what I would prefer. I’m funny like that… I want guys who really know football to be the ones talking about football on television. It’s just a weird little quirk of mine.

But if we’re giving up on the idea of anyone actually providing expert in-depth commentary, and clearly, we are… then sure, I’ll take Kornheiser. It’s certainly a step up from Rush Limbaugh and Dennis Miller, but it’s a step in that same “entertainment in lieu of analysis” direction. But at least they’re not making offers to Ray Romano or something.