I’ve spent about a week now talking about Tim Hardaway at the FanHouse, and on Deadspin. He said he hates guys who are down with the dong, and I really put a lot of time and effort into slamming him for it. I got carried away. If you missed any of it, here’s the “Tim Hardaway is an Asshole” anthology, in chronological order.
And then I read the second leg of his apology, and I started to feel a little bit bad about it. His second stab at saying he was sorry was much better, and seemed much more sincere. And after a weekend of hearing Charles Barkley and Kenny Smith say Hardaway’s a good guy (though, clearly, Kenny has much left to understand about the gay issue), I should give him another chance. It is possible for someone to say they hate gay people, and still, deep down, be a good guy.
Here was Timmy’s second apology:
“I don’t hate gay people,” Hardaway said. “I’m a goodhearted person. I interact with people all the time. … I respect people. For me to say ‘hate’ was a bad word, and I didn’t mean to use it.”
I buy that. And that should have been the first thing I thought, “Tim Hardaway doesn’t really hate gay people, he just got a little carried away when trying to express that he’s uncomfortable around gay people (which, you know, isn’t good, either… but doesn’t make him a terrible person).” But that wasn’t my reaction, my reaction was, “Let’s go write about what an asshole this guy is.”
I shouldn’t have done that. At least, I probably shouldn’t have done so much of it. Sorry, Tim.
Tim Hardaway is homophobic, Tim Hardaway is ignorant, and Reggie Miller was right when he suggested that Tim Hardaway probably needs some therapy. But I don’t believe he’s got a hateful heart … I don’t think Tim Hardaway sits at home and thinks, “These damn gay people are ruining the world, and I’m going to get them.” I think he’s just never been exposed to a lot of homosexuals, he’s confused and threatened by it, and he threw the word “hate” out there because he didn’t know how else to say it.
I think the NBA is justified in cutting him loose from NBA Cares, I think BaldGuyz is perfectly justified in firing him as an endorser, and I do still believe that Tim Hardaway, at his Grand Luxe Auto Hand Car Wash & Detailing Center should provide every gay customer with a free hand job.
Tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day, that one special day of the year where you’re required to spend hundreds of dollars on your lady in the hopes that you’ll buy the right things and she’ll let you bone her.
And for those of you who can’t think about what to do for your lady, I’d like to revisit this advice from Delonte West, as told to Page 2’s Louise K. Cornetta:
So Jim Jones pumping and then from there, wind blowing through the hair, boom, we get straight to the point — we eat afterwards because I don’t want to kiss no onions. I don’t want to kiss you tasting like onions and steak and mushrooms and everything …
Yeah, we’re going to my yacht. We’ll pull up at the docks and got a guy waiting for us, open our door up and we walk down a lit-up dock and onto the yacht, where we have dinner set up on the boat and we just cruise out on the water. Sit down and have some dinner, some shrimps and steaks, keep it nice and breezy. Pop some bottles, some Moet Rose. The red Moet, we ain’t popping no Kristal, it tastes like urination. We ain’t popping no Kris, that’s $500 a bottle. It ain’t that serious …
OK, so from there, we’re doing a midnight skinny-dipping jump. Alright? From there, hopefully she’s got money because I hope Jaws gets her, boom, make sure she got me in the will, bank, I’m good. Oh well, shark got her! Jaws got her …
One more thing: When we’re on the yacht eating, we’re going to have some Popeyes chicken. That’s for dinner. It’s to let her know, put a mental image on her mind, first and foremost, if you ain’t from the hood, you don’t like Popeyes chicken. Everyone there loves Popeyes chicken and the biscuits — phew. But that’s just getting it on her mind, saying, you know, ‘Yeah, I can wine and dine you, but I’m a little rough around the edges and I’m keeping it real with you. I can be romantic, but this is real, we’re going to eat some chicken tonight. Chicken and biscuits.
I will never ever get tired of reading that, and I will never stop believing that it is solid dating advice. Oh, and just to justify the use of the trim tag…
Hey guys. My name’s Socks. I’m normally not the letter-writing type. I’m really not. I just want to keep to myself and go about my days with no one bothering me. I don’t need any attention or any special favors, like Flip Murray’s turtle does. But I had to write this letter. It might be the last letter I ever get to write. I hope I have the strength to finish it.
God, am I starving. I haven’t eaten in a month and a half. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can barely move, and soon, my organs are going to start to fail. The situation is bleak. It is hopeless in here. I feel like Anne Frank, writing letters from her attic.
I’m so so hungry. I don’t need any T-Bonz, or Pup-Peroni, or Milk-Bones, nothing like that. I don’t even need Alpo or something out of a 99-cent, 50-pound bag of dog food. I’ll take anything. I tried to eat my own paw once. Oh, I’m so hungry. It hurts so bad.
How did I get like this? You’d have to ask… that guy who owns me. I don’t know his name. We’ve never actually met. I see him walking around sometimes, but that’s it. I don’t know that he knows my name, either. When I see him, I show him my exposed ribs, lay on the ground and wail in pain, and all he does is go, “QB, represent!” and keep walking. I wish I knew what that meant.
I mean, he acts like he likes me. It’s just that there’s something sort of wrong with him. Most people see a dog as skinny as me and think, “That dog should probably eat something.” Not this guy. He sees me and thinks, “That dog should probably I WISH I WORKED AT BEST BUY twinkies are delicious and I wonder what they’re made of I WILL RIP YOUR FACE OFF we play the Clippers tonight and Maggette is an easy check YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT, TAKE IT OFF, GIRL.” Something I like that. I don’t know.
It’s just like there’s something missing upstairs. He’s not mean to me, he just doesn’t understand certain things. For example, when I stop whining after one of his friends blows weed smoke in my face, it doesn’t mean I’m happy and content. It means that because I weigh 41 pounds, I get really high, really quickly, and my face doesn’t move anymore. Really, guys, I’m not “higher than a giraffe’s ass and feelin’ no pain.” I’m still in a lot of pain, I just happen to be hallucinating, too.
Really, all I know about the guy is that he drives a big Escalade, he likes to do nude push-ups, and everyone else in the neighborhood is terrified of him.
But I’m not… I think he’s probably a nice guy, except for the not-feeding-me thing. And I swear, I’d love him forever if he just fed me… you know, it doesn’t even have to be every day. Just two or three times a week. Please, God. Please let that man feed me. I’d give anything for just one bite of my owner’s favorite meal, Cristal and Slim Jims.
And I’ve heard the stories that he tried to feed me, but the American Bulldog stole all the food. That’s not true. It is true that the bulldog has eaten and I haven’t, but the bulldog doesn’t get fed either. Right now, he’s in the back, eating Rick Adelman. He kills people and eats them, and he never shares. He’s killed a lot of people… two mailmen, a handful of girl scouts (he did give me a few Thin Mints), a Jehovah’s witness, a cop, a few naked girls covered in glitter, and Bison Dele. Bison Dele was huge. The bulldog ate him for like a month.
The animal control people are my only hope right now. If I whale and cry for long enough, sometimes, the neighbors notice, and they’ll call them. I don’t want to go back to dog prison, but at least they’ll get me some food.
Stay strong, everyone. And if you have a steak, treasure it. Treasure that thing like it’s made of gold. God bless.
I took part in a bit of a Roundtable discussion about the Iverson trade in the FanHouse last night. It was myself, Bethlehem Soals, Marcel Mutoni, and The Big Lead… no aspect is left uncovered. I think we might do more of this over there. I think you oughta check it out.
I wish I had YouTube footage of it, but George Karl’s comments yesterday about Isiah Thomas… to quote my man Cal Naughton Jr., he nailed that like a split hog. I don’t know how David Stern gives out suspensions for this thing and leaves Isiah out of it. If there was any criminal activity that gave the NBA a black eye, if there’s any completely shameful thing that came out of the Knicks/Nuggets altercation, it’s that Isiah Thomas got off without punishment.
The standard for behavior is raised on Thomas immediately because he’s a coach and not a player. He’s the one who’s supposed to know better. And yet, he was the one pretty clearly, in my opinion, responsible for the whole damn thing.
First, you have his postgame comments, expressing the absurd notion that the Nuggets were somehow at fault because they were winning by 19 points and still trying hard. To even suggest that a fight is somehow justified because the Nuggets were still dunking and scoring points is absurd. That’s like saying, “Well, yeah, I burned down that guy’s house… but he did tell me that I parked my car in an illegal zone.”
Also as evidence is the video of Isiah saying to Carmelo “Don’t go to the basket. Don’t go to the basket.” That seems like a pretty good indication to me that Isiah Thomas had something planned if Carmelo did go to the basket. Why would he say that if there weren’t instructions in place to take a hard foul on someone? If you got Mardy Collins to answer completely honestly, I’m pretty sure he’d tell you that, yes, Colonel Jessup did order the Code Red.
I’m not arguing that it’s never OK to instruct your players to take a hard foul on someone. There are reasons, legitimate basketball reasons, why you’d do that. If you’ve got a player that’s roughing up your team, taking liberties, throwing some cheap shots… one strategy on how to deal with that is to give it back to him. If there’s a player you feel like will shrink if he takes a physical foul … hey, I’d give it to him.
But being embarrassed about getting your ass whooped … I don’t see that as a real good reason. Even if Karl did want to run up the score, I’m not sure Isiah’s justified in that. If you’re losing, you’re losing. No one cheated you. You have to suck that one up and take it.
Isiah is tired of being booed at home, he knew that the boos were coming, he was frustrated with his own team, and he did something stupid.
Does a guy deserve credit for admitting that he was wrong and then taking bold steps to right the wrong? I’d say no, not if you had to beat him over the head first.
I don’t think the decision to go back to the old leather ball is a case of David Stern listening to his players, I don’t think it’s a case of him making a magnanimous decision … I think it’s a case of him saying to himself, “Well, if the new ball is actually making their hands bleed, and assistant coaches have to wear gloves while throwing passes in practice, I’m going to look like a total prick if I don’t change the ball back.”
I fully expect Steven Jackson to claim that dress shirts chafe his neck and that belts are giving him abdominal cancer, in an effort to get Stern to rescind the dress code, too.
But if the ball wasn’t making hands bleed, I don’t think this decision would’ve ever been made. Stern didn’t care that the players didn’t like it. If that was the only problem, they’d be using this ball until Stern was dead. But actually doing physical damage to players hands, the instruments they use to make a living … that, he couldn’t spin.
So I’m sure there are a few people around the league tonight that are amused that Stern had to put his tail between his legs (and I mean that literally, the man has a tail) and admit that he was wrong … even if he doesn’t believe it himself, which he probably doesn’t. He at least had to say it.
In fact, I bet he’s not done with this. He’s going to go back to Spalding, talk to them about some concerns that players had, and get a 2.0 version of the basketball. And no matter how terrible it is, as long as it doesn’t do physical damage, he’ll stick with it.
They’re both launching today… and unless you absolutely hate the NBA, I think you’ll enjoy the NBA FanHouse. I always felt like of all the sports out there, the blogosphere was strongest in the NBA area. And some of, in fact, most of the best have signed on with the FanHouse, including J.E. Skeets of The Basketball Jones, and Bethlehem Shoals of FreeDarko. There’s also Matt Watson of Detroit Bad Boys, Miss Gossip from Suns Gossip, Nate Jones (who? Nate JONES) of JonesOnTheNBA, Marcel Mutoni of BenchRenaldo, and Craig and Brett from The Association.
Not a weak link in the bunch. Seriously, it’s exciting to be a part of that cast. I feel like Christian Laettner on the Dream Team, and I’m more than willing to carry Shoals’ bags and get Skeets donuts on the way to practice every morning (Tim Horton’s, of course).
The NCAA Hoops FanHouse is also launching, and I’m a part of that one, too. I could tell you that the cast is just as awesome, but that would probably be a lie, and since Christmas is right around the corner, I’m not going to lie. Santa’s watching (seriously, it’s December already… did that sneak up on anyone else? Seeing a “12″ in the date on my cell phone just blew my mind).
It’s nothing against the people there, it’s just … the college basketball blogosphere has just never been as strong as the NBA’s. It’s odd which sports have the best blogs out there. NFL, weak. MLB, strong. College football, strong. College basketball, weak. NBA, strong. Hockey, I have no goddamn idea. Turkish oil wrestling, outright dominant.
Anyway, check them out if you get a chance. And if anyone has any advice on how I could get 28 hours into a day instead of 24, I’d love to hear it.
Via Deadspin, this New York Daily News article goes into some detail about new rules and regulations in the NBA that you might not have heard about. The league actually sent an official to a Knicks/Wizards game the other night to look for players who did any of the following:
- Untucked their shirt after being taken out of the game.
- Wore a rubber band with their name (or anyone else’s) on it.
- Chewed gum during the national anthem.
- Shifted and swayed as they stood in line listening to the national anthem.
But a little later in the article is the following quote, and this is what I find most interesting about the situation:
“The image problem is a subtle way of talking about black ballplayers and how they appear to the populace,” [Players Union boss Billy] Hunter said. “When we had our last round of negotiations, David told me that he was consulting with one of President Bush’s political consultants. The issue was, what they can do to make the game and players more appealing to the red states?”
But there you go. The quote from Hunter explains quite a bit about David Stern and why he’s doing what he’s doing. We can dance around the issue by saying “image problem,” and “red states,” but the issue is right there. David Stern wants to sell the NBA to people who aren’t entirely comfortable with black people. That’s it.
It’s a complicated issue, and we’re not going to cover all of it. But there are people in the world who are fine with happy, smiling, non-confrontational black people like Wayne Brady… and not fine with other black people who doesn’t seem quite so non-threatening. That’s racism just the same, and David Stern is endorsing it by catering to those people.
Randolph allegedly offered $500 to a women he knew, and another he didn’t, to perform a live sex show.
Randolph allegedly wasn’t happy with the sex show.
The plaintiff, having had a lot to drink, allegedly fell asleep.
The plaintiff allegedly woke up to Randolph, umm, forcing entry in the back door. Twice. Which she allegedly resisted and did not want.
Randolph then allegedly forces some more entry, through the front door.
The plaintiff allegedly went to the hospital too late to collect any rape evidence (after slightly more than three days).
This is all really surprising, because so many good things can happen when you offer complete strangers $500 to exchange bodily fluids in front of you. I’ve never heard of a situation like that ever going wrong. Weird.
My guess is that the woman will be paid off, and that the civil suit will go away. Might be expensive for Zach Randolph… but it’s the easy way out of things, he won’t be going to jail, and no one will be on television discussing where his pubic hairs might have been found.
But the upside is that he and Kobe Bryant will have something to talk about next time they shake hands before a tip-off.
If I heard that from a rapper, I’d be like, “Hey, I think this guy could be the next Chingy.” But for a guy in the NBA, the bar’s set a little lower. In fact, just to set that bar a little bit lower… take it away, Kobe.
From Portland TV guy Mike Barrett’s Blog (via TrueHoop) comes this update on a subject we don’t spend nearly enough time on here: Joel Przybilla’s balls. His balls are not well. He took a knee, evidently, in a game against Golden State. And the knee actually hit him right above the balls, which… well… I dunno. But this was not your average Bob-Saget-sound-effect-enhanced America’s Home Video nutshot.
It’s been a long, painful week for Joel. I’m not going to get into the injury again, but the swelling is going down, and he’s at least able to move around the house a bit now. He’s told me on several occasions, this was the worst pain he’s ever gone through, and was a very scary thing. Good thing he’s got Tiger Woods 07 on the XBox 360. I’d hate to think he’s just been wasting this time. He also has NBA 2K7, but gets frustrated because he thinks he looks like a skinhead in the video game.
First, I’d like to second the notion that Tiger Woods ‘07 on the XBox 360 is a fantastic game. And secondly… well, hey man, I’m sorry about your balls. We’ve all taken a shot in the bag from time to time, and a for a few minutes, it’s catastrophic, but… something that causes massive swelling and puts you in bed for a week? Yeah, I don’t have any trouble believing that was the worst pain of his life. Just reading about it cracks my top ten.
When he gets well, I recommend that he indulges himself in this treatment.
The first one, he didn’t actually say a word to the officials. He was whistled for a foul, turned into the other direction, and screamed. That’s it… and it was called a technical, and the call was perfectly justified. The rule makes it very clear that that’s a technical.
On the second one, he was complaining to officials about a no-call on Charlie Villanueva. Villanueva had the ball on the block, and swung and elbow that very nearly hit Rasheed in the crotchal region. Rasheed said something to the official who didn’t call it, and then started talking to Villanueva. I couldn’t understand it completely, but it went something like, “You better watch those elbows, (something). You throw another elbow at me, and I’mma (couldn’t understand), I’m lettin’ y’all know. Try me. You know me.”
Shortly after that came the whistle. And then, on his way out, I’m pretty sure he called a ref a “deaf bitch.” I’m not sure why.
So yeah, that didn’t take long. Rasheed’s on pace for 164 technicals in the regular season, and I’m not predicting he’ll get there… but 164 doesn’t sound as crazy as it should sound.
On a side note… the Pistons played terrible perimeter defense, the Bucks got any shot they wanted all night long, and Flip Saunders is still a terrible, terrible coach with an awesome turtle.
I have posted embarrassingly little about the NBA, given that the season’s starting tonight. And I’d like to rectify that with about a 4,000-word preview, but… I’m not going to. For those of you who enjoy the NBA coverage (and I’m aware that a great many of you hate it as well), I promise, I’m going to make it up to you.
For now, though… my half-ass, meandering, unedited thoughts on how things will go down this season that will seem completely ignorant about two weeks from now, if they don’t already.
1. Dallas Mavericks. The Mavericks are going to be your NBA champion, and I’m sorry for ruining the suspense for you. This team made incredible strides last year, and I think learned a ton… about playoff basketball, about team defense, about leadership, about role definition, about sacrifice. And what I like best about them is that they’re still growing. Avery Johnson is still growing as a coach, Dirk Nowitzki is growing as a player, Josh Howard, Ghana Diop, Devin Harris, even Jerry Stackhouse, in some ways. All growing like a Yukon Gold plant in Stephen Belichick’s closet. They’ll be better this year than they were last year, and last year, they were as close as you can possibly get.
2. LA Clippers. Really, it’s all about what Sam Cassell feels like doing. He has a history of having one great year in a place, and the monkey-wrenching the fuck out of everything the next. Ask Minnesota. But if Cassell’s happy and motivated, I really like the way this team is put together. Best frountcourt in the league.
3. Phoenix Suns. I’m willing to grant that it’s possible for the Suns to win the championship this year, which is a step I’d been unwilling to take the previous two years. I don’t think you’re going to see crazy-explosive-Amare, but they can put themselves in the championship picture even with an Amare at less than 100% effectiveness. I still think the Mavs and Clippers will be better, deeper, more complete teams, though.
4. San Antonio Spurs. I love the way the Spurs play, I love Tim Duncan, I love Manu Ginobili, I love Tony Parker… but the Spurs have been too stagnant while everyone else is trying to get better. If they’re completely healthy come playoff time, I’ll like their chances. I just can’t imagine that being the case, though, and this team isn’t deep enough. Unless Matt Bonner and Jackie Butler are studs and I’m not aware of it… I don’t see it happening for the Spurs this year.
5. Detroit Pistons. I really don’t have any idea what to expect here. They might win 65 games, they might win 45. I hate Flip Saunders. That much, I can tell you… fuck Flip Saunders in the earhole. It’s not even that he took Detroit away from their defensive, physical style of basketball… that, I could live with. But the effort he got from his players wasn’t the same. He doesn’t seem to ever coach anyone, he doesn’t seem to insist on any accountability. The fact that they aren’t a defensive team doesn’t bother me (that would’ve probably had to change eventually, at least to some degree anyway), the fact that they aren’t a disciplined team bothers the hell out of me.
6. Cleveland Cavaliers. LeBron James is probably your MVP, but for the Cavs… I just don’t see it. Ilgauskus, Gooden, Larry Hughes, Eric Snow… all back, all still starting. Those four just aren’t good enough. I don’t know how to say it any other way.
7. Miami Heat. I’m seeing a drop-off here. A group that old, with resumes like theirs… isn’t going to be particularly motivated this season. They didn’t get much better in the off-season (with the exception of the continued development of Dwyane Wade), they just got older. I just don’t know that they’ll be hungry enough… and you don’t have to play balls-out for 82 games, of course, but that sort of thing snowballs. Be it injury, or attitude problems… I dunno. I feel like something’s going to go wrong with this team.
I don’t know that anyone else is particularly relevant to a discussion of championship contenders.
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I’ve spent about a week now talking about Tim Hardaway at the FanHouse, and on Deadspin. He said he hates guys who are down with the dong, and I really put a lot of time and effort into slamming him for it. I got carried away. If you missed any of it, here’s the “Tim Hardaway is an Asshole” anthology, in chronological order.
Tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day, that one special day of the year where you’re required to spend hundreds of dollars on your lady in the hopes that you’ll buy the right things and she’ll let you bone her. 
Hey guys. My name’s Socks. I’m normally not the letter-writing type. I’m really not. I just want to keep to myself and go about my days with no one bothering me. I don’t need any attention or any special favors, like Flip Murray’s turtle does. But I had to write this letter. It might be the last letter I ever get to write. I hope I have the strength to finish it.
I took part in a bit of a Roundtable discussion about the Iverson trade in the FanHouse last night. It was myself, Bethlehem Soals, Marcel Mutoni, and The Big Lead… no aspect is left uncovered. I think we might do more of this over there. I think you oughta check it out.
I wish I had YouTube footage of it, but George Karl’s comments yesterday about Isiah Thomas… to quote my man Cal Naughton Jr., he nailed that like a split hog. I don’t know how David Stern gives out suspensions for this thing and leaves Isiah out of it. If there was any criminal activity that gave the NBA a black eye, if there’s any completely shameful thing that came out of the Knicks/Nuggets altercation, it’s that Isiah Thomas got off without punishment.
Does a guy deserve credit for admitting that he was wrong and then taking bold steps to right the wrong? I’d say no, not if you had to beat him over the head first.
Some 
They’re both launching today… and unless you absolutely hate the NBA, I think you’ll enjoy the 
Via 
A woman has filed a civil lawsuit against Zach Randolph of the Portland Trailblazers, claiming that he, um… well, that he did a bunch of wild shit, some of which would make him a dirty, dirty, bastard… and some of which would make him a rapist. 
From Portland TV guy 
Well, 
I have posted embarrassingly little about the NBA, given that the season’s starting tonight. And I’d like to rectify that with about a 4,000-word preview, but… I’m not going to. For those of you who enjoy the NBA coverage (and I’m aware that a great many of you hate it as well), I promise, I’m going to make it up to you.
