It feels like I just witnessed a tragedy. I feel like going out and getting a little Cardinals logo sticker for my car, and a bumper sticker that says something like, “We Will Always Remember: 10-16-06.”

The Chicago Bears became bad guys last night. If this was Wrestlemania III, they’d be Andre the Giant. I used to like them, they were friendly, powerful, generous, and admirable for a while… but then they did something really mean to someone who didn’t deserve it, and now I don’t like them anymore. That’s how I feel… I feel like the Cardinals are a scrawny loner kid that was about to finally beat up the bully, and then the bully landed some lucky bullshit punch and kicked the little kid’s ass. I didn’t want to see that little kid get his ass kicked. What I really feel like, evidently, is expressing myself through analogies right now.

But yeah, the Bears just became like the Patriots, Colts, or Steelers… they’re no longer an improbable upstart team on the rise to greatness, they’re just another good NFL team whose success I resent. And I don’t even fucking like the Cardinals… they’ve just sucked for so long, they finally were about to get a big, signature win… and ouch.

I’m literally sad for them. Everyone takes tough losses from time to time, and I usually don’t offer a ton of sympathy because everyone goes through it… but that one made me actually feel emotional pain… for Neil Rackers, for Cardinals fans, for Dennis Green… but not for Matt Leinart, because he still has his choice of any woman in Arizona or southern California.

Check out this pain:

Steelers linebacker Joey Porter on motorcycles:

“If I fall off a Jet Ski, I hit the water, and I like my odds,” Porter said. “I’m going to get wet. What I say about motorcycles is that concrete is undefeated.”

And, quite unfortunately, concrete ran it’s all-time record up to 29,372,027,258-and-0. Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger suffered some pretty bad injuries yesterday after a motorcycle crash in Pittsburgh. I once said that after Jay Williams, and after Kellen Winslow, I’d have a hard time feeling sorry for anyone else who got hurt on a motorcycle. It was easy to say at the time, but, as it turns out, not true.

I feel terrible for the guy. I wish him nothing but the best. I don’t think he “deserves” it for not wearing a helmet, and I don’t think he “had it coming.” Of course, none of that stops me from thinking that refusing to wear a helmet is something done only by absolute fucking morons. I don’t begrudge him his motorcycle. A lot of guys in the NFL do a lot of dangerous things in the offseason. Some guys go skydiving. Some guys have cocaine habits. Matt Leinart has sex with Paris Hilton. All of them, if you’re irresponsible about it, can hurt you. Riding a motorcycle is something that you can do safely, keeping in mind that bad things can, and are perhaps more likely to happen. But regardless… put on a fucking helmet. It’s not a freedom issue, it’s not about anyone trying to control you, it’s not about the man keeping you down… it’s about 15,000 tramatic brain injuries a year suffered in motorcycle accidents.

It’s still kinda hard to tell how bad things are for him right now. I know that seven hours of facial surgery, however… is not a good thing. His hat may not fit right for a while. I guess the knee injuries aren’t that significant, but… I mean, if doctors are putting his face back together, it could be a while before they clear him for the kind of contact that the NFL brings. Doctor Jerome Bettis, though, says his injuries aren’t severe enough to limit anything he can do on the football field. Man law? Man law.

Best of luck, Large Benjamin. I’m rooting for your good health.

ESPN.com’s Len Pasquarelli turned in, in my opinion, the best written remembrance of Craig “Ironhead” Heyward. It’s honest, emotional, amusing, and doesn’t attempt to hide anything. And it gives you a better sense of who Ironhead was, when really, most people just know him as that huge running back from Pitt who did the Zest commercial and was never as good in the NFL as he should’ve been.

So if you have a chance, check out the column. Here’s my favorite bit, about how he actually brought Brian Bosworth to tears on the football field…

Hebert also recalled the time, during a game in 1988, when Heyward hit Seattle linebacker and alleged tough guy Brian Bosworth so hard he made him cry. According to Hebert, then-Saints coach Jim Mora called the same off-tackle play six straight times, with Heyward as the lead blocker. “After about the third time,” Hebert said, “Bosworth was crying. Honest. Tears were rolling down his face, because he didn’t want Ironhead to hit him anymore. He cried ‘Uncle!’ for real. Ironhead, he just laughed at him.”