As it turns out, there is not a new world record in the 100m. Justin Gatlin has supposedly broken it last week in Qatar, coming in a hundredth of a second better than the previous mark.

Unfortunately for him, the guy who was holding the stopwatch is an asshole. His time was actually 9.766 seconds, and was supposed to have been rounded up to 9.77. I don’t know how you screw something like that up… rounding to the nearest decimal was something I always thought was pretty easy. You’d think the track people would’ve been prepared for such an event. Damn the Qatar educational system.

So after Gatlin celebrated his accomplishment, did the talk show tour, and was proclaimed the world’s fastest human… all before getting a call yesterday saying, “Um, oops.” That couldn’t have felt good. I’d guess that walls were punched and things were thrown in the Gatlin household last night… if he has children or pets, they were probably beaten for no reason.

Since the Winter Olympics are going on, and there’s so much discussion about what is and is not a sport, I thought this was as good a time as any to post this. I’ve thought about the question for literally years… and have decided that it is impossible to draw a line and say, “the things listed on this side of the line are sports, and the ones listed on this side of the line are not sports.”

There are just too many gray areas. There are too many questions that don’t have good answers. For example…

If you say, “Anything where the winner is decided by a judge is not a sport.” then is boxing not a sport?

If you say, “Any activity where you sit on your ass for four hours is not a sport.” then is wheelchair basketball not a sport?

If you say, “Any activity where David Wells/Craig Stadler/ participate cannot be a sport,” then did Babe Ruth not play a sport? Did Gilbert Brown participate in the activity of football or the sport of football?

You can’t create a black and white division on what is and is not a sport. It has to be a continuum, where certain sports score higher than others. If you want to decide for yourself that everything above a certain line is a certain number is a sport, and everything below that number is not a sport, that’s up to you. The highest possible score is 40.

I’ve decided on four different categories on which each prospective sport has to be graded. The first two categories are given a higher point value, as their ratings should carry a little more weight than the other two. Here they are:

Athleticism: To even be considered, an activity must have at least a modicum of athletic ability involved. Accomplishing something must involve at least a bit of physical skill. For example, darts would be included, as success is determined by an actual physical throwing motion. But poker is not included, because it is a card game in which it does not matter how skillfully someone manipulates their cards and chips. And this category is not just a sheer measure of athleticism, but how many different types of athletic skill are involved in one sport. For example, running would get a much higher score than darts, but at the same time, basketball would have a higher score than running. Obviously, running a marathon requires a substantial degree of athletic ability, but basketball requires a greater range of skills. In addition, some categories are difficult to rank because of different specializations within the sports, such as gymnastics and American football. We’ll just have to do the best we can. Maximum score: 15.

Outcomes: How are winners and losers determined? This one is absolutely crucial. Is there a definitive way to decide the victor? The more clear-cut it is, the better off you’ll be. For example, bowling would have a much higher score than figure skating. Scores here are likely to be very high or very low. Maximum score: 10.

Teamwork: A sport is more of a sport if one has to become a part of a team, play the appropriate role, and function within the framework of the group. Obviously, this doesn’t mean things like tennis and golf can’t be sports. Only two possible scores here: 5 for a team sport, 3 for an individual sport. Sports that can be conducted as either will get the 5, but sports where the team aspect is merely a series of individual events, such as running or swimming relays, get the 3.

Non-reliance on equipment: This is a measure of how much of the competition is based on pure human ability, and how much is based on a piece of equipment or machinery. The more a sport relies on equipment, the lower the score will be. For example, soccer will have a much higher score than auto racing. Maximum score: 10.

(Disclaimer: This list is not, nor is it intended to be, complete. Because your favorite sport doesn’t appear here, does not mean that I don’t regard it as a sport. I’ve used summer and winter Olympic sports, as well as popular traditional American sports. In addition, the ratings assigned to various sports in different categories are completely subjective, and in fact, many of them are guesses. Many of these sports, I’ve never tried, and I understand that countless arguments can be made on behalf of various sports for raising or lowering certain rankings. Consider them discussion points.  This is also very much a first draft.  To do this right may be impossible, and if not, you’d need a huge panel of experts on the human body and mind. All I’ve got is me.)