A couple of cheerleaders for the CFL’s Hamilton Tiger-Cats have been suspended from the squad after going on Howard Stern’s radio show. They were on the air talking about how they were virgins, their preferences for blow jobs, and they did some ho-dancing, evidently, and according to this article, they both “rode a sex toy.”

Joe Theismann had these comments:

“I don’t ever want to be mentioned in the same breath as these sex toy-riding cheerleaders ever again. I mean, they ride sex toys. Live on the air! I mean, I know my own son rides sex toys, too, but… that’s in the privacy of his own home, and the boy’s a Theismann, okay? He can do whatever the hell he wants, and if he wants to ride a motorized rubber ding-dong, then I’m damn sure going to let him. Fuckin’, I’ll pay for his batteries.

But these girls are a disgrace to the proud legacy of Canadian cheerleading, which is renowned all over the world. They don’t deserve to make human pyramids and carry megaphones. They should just go on with their lives, and blow anyone they want to. Blow Bryan Adams or Dexter Manley or the host of Fear Factor, I don’t care. Blow the plumber the next time he shows up at your house, right there on the kitchen floor if you feel like it. They obviously don’t want to cheer. Doesn’t anybody have any class anywhere?”

I made that up.

So yeah, they’re suspended. I can’t say for sure whether or not that suspension is just. I do, however, feel like it would be just to suspend or fire any woman who even believes that she can appear on Howard Stern’s show, and then not having something bad happen in her life. What positive outcomes are even possible?

I’m not a Stern fan, but… I know enough to know that no woman’s going to be on that show without being at least asked to talk about things that are… well… whorish. It’s what the man does, and apparently, there’s a huge audience for it. What are these girls expecting? That they’ll get on the show and share their grandmother’s recipe for Snickerdoodles? The Canadian Football League prides themselves on being a family-oriented enterprise… they don’t want their cheerleaders on the radio saying, “Hi! We cheer for the Hamilton Tiger-Cats and we’ve sucked more dicks than we can even count! GO TI-CATS!”

Tragedy has struck on the Oregon State campus… they are discontinuing their cheerleading team. The administration has decided that the risk for injury (and thus, financial liability) is too high, and the Beavers will cheerlead no more.

Well, that’s just great. Who is the star quarterback supposed to fuck now?

You know, if it was any other university, I wouldn’t complain. But look at the dedication here. The girl in the right so strongly believes in the Beavers that she is about to show the world how delicious and enjoyable a Beaver can be. How can you not support that?

There may be some kind of a cheer squad next season at Oregon State that has people on the sidelines in khakis and sweaters, holding signs and actually, get this, leading cheers. I think that’s the wrong way to go. I understand the risk of injury thing, but that’s no reason to start covering up skin. You can still give the people want they want, and here’s my suggestion:

Put up a pole.

There’s no injury risk there unless you lick it when it’s too cold outside. And the girls can still give the people what they came to see, they can lead cheers just as effectively, and perhaps they’ll go home with a few extra ones in their pocket. Or g-string.

But I am, on a slightly serious note, sorry for the Oregon State cheerleaders. They work hard at what they do, they take pride in it, and now it’s gone. There’s just as much value in working hard at being a cheerleader as there is working hard at football, or soccer, or chess. This has gotta be a bitter disappointment for them.

So let’s get these girls a pole.

Otherwise, how is this young lady supposed to continue showing off her team’s mascot?