Stumbled upon this today…

During last night’s game, UCLA cheerleaders were talking shit to Joakim Noah about his unsightly grill.

“I mean, it hurts when you have beautiful girls out there just telling you how ugly you are and stuff. I just had to focus on the game. When somebody is screaming all that stuff at you, you know, the best thing I could do was just blow a kiss by and maybe they like me.”

I just have a problem with cheerleaders talking smack… I mean… seen and not heard, bitch, you know? You’re a cheerleader. You shouldn’t B-E so aggressive. I realize that this is going to sound sexist as hell, but… these are my views of cheerleaders, not women.

Cheerleaders are there to be ogled. That’s just the way it is. They do not actually lead cheers. They do not get players fired up. They do not get fans fired up. I know they work hard at what they do, and that’s great… but there’s not one person in that arena who gives a fuck about the crispness of their routines or the creativity of their choreography. They’re just there… and they wouldn’t be there if they looked like Janet Reno (who, don’t get me wrong, is a handsome woman). But they don’t serve any kind of a real purpose, and I wish it wasn’t that way, but it is.

So I have a problem with them talking shit to an active participant in the game. I loved Noah’s response, and I think he’s got a great attitude, but I think he should’ve said something more like, “You know what, toots, in a year or two, I’ll be making $4 million a year in the NBA. A few years after that, I could be making $17 million a year. What’s your boyfriend going to be doing? Oh, date-raping you again and then letting you cry yourself to sleep? Yeah, that sounds great, too. Now get the fuck out of the way, whore.”

But maybe that’s just me.

I thought about commenting on this earlier in the week, but by the time Monday rolled around, it seemed like the moment had passed… and if I had taken the time then to point out the suckiness of Tennesse’s Candace Parker’s dunk, it would have seemed just mean-spirited and sexist. And I try to hide the fact that I’m mean-spirited and sexist. Sometimes.

Anyway, I think Jason Whitlock nails it today, when he says that they kinda weren’t dunks, and even if they were… big fuckin’ deal. Not that I’m not happy for Candace Parker. She seemed excited about it, it got her some attention, it got her team some attention… that’s terrific. But do those dunks do anything for women’s college basketball? Do they do anything to make you want to watch? Are you putting up Candace Parker posters in your room because of them?

I dunno. All the glee that eminated from the women’s basketball analysts on ESPN seemed extremely starbury to me. They were patting themselves on the back for doing something sorta flashy, but something that ultimately has no impact on anything.

I could not agree with Whitlock more. To promote the dunk, to use it as an example of how great women’s basketball can be, is just dumb. “We can dunk, too!” is not a selling point. Sell the fundamentals. Sell the selfless play. Sell tits if you want to. But trying to get people to watch women’s basketball because of the dunks and athleticism… that’s like trying to get people to watch the Masters because of the cultural diversity.

In case you were wondering what it’s like to be the wife of a head coach at tournament time (and you know you were), here you go. I don’t really have much of an opinion on the subject myself, but I’ve always thought that Jim Boeheim was punching way out of his weight class with his wife Juli.

Now, that’s not the most flattering picture of her (unless you’re into teeth), but… Juli Boeheim is a fine looking older woman. I’ve got to think that would be valuable in recruiting. She’s a walking advertisement that says, “Come to Syracause and marry someone way more attractive than you are.” And it’s been working out quite well for Carmelo Anthony.