Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

August21

I Don’t Think We’re Going To Win The Gold

By: the mighty mjd

We’re just not that good. I’m sorry to say it, but that’s the truth. People are going to look at the romp of the Chinese as a return to form, but it wasn’t. The Chinese are not only very bad, and would probably be beaten by most college teams, but they also match-up really poorly against us. Their weaknesses were what we’re best at exploiting; they don’t have good guards, they play man defense (and a poor one at that), and they’re just not a real cohesive team.

Team USA does one thing well, and that’s forcing turnovers, which is different from playing good defense. This is not a team that’s going to shut anyone down in a halfcourt set. It’s just not. We gave up 100 points to Puerto Rico, and 90 to China, and a lot of that has to do with the pace of the game, but even the Chinese were getting the shots they wanted against us. Teams, if they can take care of the ball, will get the shots they want. We can’t stop them. The steals are good, of course, and they can be effective, but it really just masks the fact that we’re not very good in a halfcourt defensive set. Good teams are going to find a way.

And we’re not very good in a halfcourt offensive set, either. A team that plays a good zone is going to give us problems. It shouldn’t be that big of a problem, but it is. Argentina can do it to us, Germany can do it, Spain can do it, France can do it, Serbia & Montenegro can do it, and Slovenia can probably do it, too. We’ll see how that goes on Tuesday morning.

I’m starting to think this just can’t be done, and that if we want to start winning these things again, we have to abandon NBA players and create a real national team that practices and plays together, year round. More on that as we get closer and closer to disaster.

Posted in: Team USA, Uncategorized5 comments

July20

Chris Sheridan Is Not Armed For Life

By: the mighty mjd

Team USA began practice yesterday under the expert tutelage of Coach Mike Krzyzewski. The message he tried to impart on his first day in charge was dominance. 56 quarters of international ass-whoopin’. That’s the way The K wants things to go down. ESPN’s Chris Sheridan is not okay with this. A sampling (and I think this might be an Insider thing, so the link won’t work. But I hope they don’t mind if I cut and paste just a bit)…

You know what would have been a better message, Coach K? How bout this: “I don’t care if you lose, and I don’t want you losing your confidence if you do lose. I want you playing at your peak seven weeks from now. I want us at our best when this mission finally gets serious.”

You can’t be dominant if you’re not even superior, and right now there’s a team in Argentina that has first dibs on worldwide rights to being the best. Manu Ginobili and Co. earned that distinction fair and square in Athens, and they get to keep it until somebody knocks them off their perch.

I’m gonna have to side with Coach K on this one. I see where Sheridan is coming from, and it would seem like domination is a but much to ask for, but I don’t believe that’s really the case. The fact of the matter is that if you were to rank, on a scale of 1-100, the pure basketball talent of all the national basketball teams of the world, the United States would still be 30 points ahead of any other nation. I firmly believe that. And when the gap in talent is that wide, dominance should not be unfeasible.

Now, I’m not saying it’s a given, of course. But the biggest challeneges facing the Unites States team have nothing to do with the talent of the other countries, but the following series of factors, in no particular order: 1) their guys are more familiar with playing with one another, and aren’t playing under a new coach and new style every four years, 2) their style of play was designed exclusively to attack our weaknesses, 3) it’s a very, very different style of basketball than we’re accustomed to seeing, 4) we have traditionally shot very poorly from the international three-point line, and 5) every other basketball nation in the world places more of a value on fundamentals. If nothing else, they aren’t going to beat themselves. But in terms of talent, we could send an NBDL team over there still be fine, at least in terms of raw, physical ability.

Which is why I think it’s OK to preach dominance. If we go over there, prepared for what we’re going to see, ready to defend it, and ready to shoot teams out of their zones, everything should be fine. Despite what happened in Athens, despite what happened in the ’02 Worlds, I still think we are capable of running through any team we’ll encounter. I’m not saying it’s going to happen, and I’m not saying I’ll be disappointed if it doesn’t happen, but it certainly can happen. It would take a near-perfect coaching job, and you know what? I think we have the right staff in place.

I’d rather implore the team to dominate than to tell them it’s okay to lose, under any circumstances, because there’s no reason this team ever should lose to anyone. He might not seem it, but Mike Krzyzewski is a hard-ass. He’s Bob Knight without the public outbursts. The job means a great deal to him, he’ll be as well-prepared for this as he possibly can be, and he will tolerate no poor attitudes. And I hope that he’ll lean heavily on assistant coach Mike D’Antoni, who knows the international game as well as anyone.

Posted in: NBA, Team USA, Uncategorized8 comments

July12

A Lot Of People Watched Zinedine Zidane Flip Out

By: the mighty mjd

The World Cup Final drew 16.9 million viewers in the United States… a number that shocks me a little bit. I’d have never guessed it would be that high. According to this New York Times article, that’s about 4 million more people than the average rating for an NBA Finals game, it’s almost as much as the 17.5 million that watched the NCAA championship between Florida and UCLA, and it’s roughly half the number of people who have been blown by Paris Hilton. And the 16.9 million people were pulled in on a Sunday afternoon, as opposed to primetime, when it’s a lot easier to bring in a huge audience.

That 16.9 million does include 5 million viewers from Univision, on top of the 11.9 on ABC…. so neither of the individual ratings is going to be setting records. But still, it proves that there’s an audience in America that is, at the very least, soccer-curious. Now, I’m not predicting that the MLS is ever going to take the nation by storm, but if they can improve their marketing, their level of play, and maybe get some help from a decent American performance on the World Cup stage… maybe there’s a market there for them after all.

Posted in: Media, Soccer, Uncategorized3 comments

June29

The NBA Draft And Female Tennis Players Of Varying Degrees Of Attractiveness

By: the mighty mjd

I know I said I wasn’t giving you any draft coverage, but… slight change of plans. Actually, I’m not sure this counts as draft coverage at all; as neither Danks or I ever put together anything that could be confused with an intelligent, rational, thought… but this is our instant messenger conversation that took place during the draft last night.

And a quick heads-up… a couple of these links are very much inappropriate, if you’re in any kind of a work environment, or if you’re a decent human being. Particularly the Mary Pierce one, and the one right after Spanish Chocolate.

—

Danks: it’s nice to see they have the second string broadcast team tonight
mjd: Stuart Scott is going to brutalize us for like six hours.
Danks: yeah he sucks
Danks: the TrailBlazers are going with the fire sale technique
mjd: Oh, man… the Blazers are trading up and aren’t taking Adam Morrison.
mjd: People are going to fucking riot.
Danks: yes
Danks: i hate people with diabetes
mjd : At least he’s going to Charlotte, somewhere where the hair and mustache will fit in.
Danks : i hope he starts smoking
Danks : listening to Jay Bilas compared to the others is like listening to Stevie Wonder compared to Kid Rock
mjd : Yeah, it really is.
Danks : it should be Reece Davis, Andy Katz, Jay Bilas, and Eric Wynalda

mjd : And Julie Foudy laying in front of the desk, nude.
Danks : using a whistle and a red card anyway she wants
mjd : Rrrrrow.
mjd : Man, Morrison looks ridiculous with that hat on.
Danks : why is he trying to look like a damn hippie

mjd : Oh, good, it’s Dick Vitale.
Danks : "WHY HASN’T JJ BEEN PICKED YET BABY!"
mjd : I want to set him on fire.
Danks : best player in draft right there with Tyrus Thomas
mjd : Could be… depends on how he’s used.
Danks : hopefully he is used in many sexual ways
mjd : I think Scott Skiles is just that kind of coach.
mjd : Ooooh, the lavender sweater vest from Ty Thomas…
mjd : You rarely see that under a black pinstripe suit.
Danks : why the fuck is taking advice from Simone Augustus
mjd : The only thing he should take from her is her virginity.
mjd : Any team that drafts a guy named Shelden has never seen "When Harry Met Sally."
Danks : Sam Cassell has just drafted Sheldon Williams to the All Ugly team
mjd : He’ll certainly fit right in.
Danks : i cant wait for the second round
mjd : If Foye goes to Houston… Houston’s lucky.
Danks : does Greg Anthony know that he is full of shit, and has no idea what he’s doing
mjd : He spends all year watching the NBA, and all the sudden, they want him to evaluate college guys.  Whatever works, I suppose.
mjd : I don’t think Houston should take Gay… they need a guard. Marcus Williams should be their pick.
mjd : Oh, man. I hate to see Foye get stuck in Portland.
mjd : Their roster is now Foye, Aldridge, and shit.
Danks : i hope he likes dog fighting
mjd : That’s the team initation, he has to fight Qyntel Woods’ dog.
mjd : Man, Boston looks dumb right now… Foye for Telfair?  Come on now.
Danks : and Theo Ratliff motherfucker
mjd : Yeah, actually… he’s a Top-5 center in the East.
mjd : Shane Battier for Rudy Gay…
mjd : I hope Jerry West used lubrication during that rape.
Danks : wait what happened
mjd : They’re trading Battier for Gay.
Danks : interesting
mjd : I love Battier, and he’s a fine player, but… I dunno. Gay’s got star potential. Battier is what he is… and he’s not a rookie anymore.

Danks : he’s more confusing looking than Jason Kidd
mjd : Swedish, I believe.
Danks : i’d like to fuck some sweeds
mjd : Like Bjorn Borg?
Danks : Patrick O’Bryant

mjd : I think that’s a good pick, too…
mjd : It’s too bad that playing for Golden State will contractually require him to be mediocre.
Danks : yes

mjd : Oh, that’s fucked up, Dan Patrick.  "We have a big trade, we’ll tell you about it after this commercial."
mjd : Asshole.

Danks: yes
mjd: Sear Sene already?  Reeeeeach.
Danks: what the fuck
Danks : i think he’s an ex-goalie
mjd : 3.1 PPG last year? Yeah, looks like a future goalie, too.
mjd : Bilas: "Doesn’t have a clue what he’s doing offensively." That’s always good to hear.
Danks : we’ll never hear from this guy again
mjd : Wait, I remember this guy… I watched that USA Hoops Summit game.
mjd : Yeah, he blocked crazy shots. But that was about it.
mjd : Redick to Orlando.  I think Dick Vitale is masturbating.
Danks : did you see that shit grin on Vitale’s face
mjd : Yes.
mjd : A Trajan Langdon mention. That guy was good for me on NBA Live.
Danks : nice
Danks : have fun sitting the bench asshole
mjd : Ah, I think he’ll start.
Danks : not after i bust his knee caps
mjd : Fair enough.
mjd : Seems a little early for Hilton Armstrong. But look at the neck on that guy.
Danks : nice Merton Hanks is back
mjd : He certainly is plentiful in the neck department.
mjd : I want to drop an anvil on Stuart Scott’s balls.
Danks : i wish the ombudsmen would come out and say "I fucking hate Stuart Scott"
mjd : I think the ombudsman is Stu’s uncle.
Danks : nice, a black dude from Federer land
mjd : How do you take a Swiss guy in the lottery…
mjd : He’ll be playing for the New York Liberty in two years.
mjd : Actually, he does look sorta freakishly athletic there, doesn’t he…
Danks : yeah not bad
Danks : hey what do you think of Kim Clijsters?
mjd : Eh.
mjd : I mean, she’s not cracking my Top 10 list or anything, but… I would plow her like an Amish rutabaga field.

Danks : Link
mjd : Goodness.
Danks : yeah i was never into her and then i saw that picture…and now i really wouldn’t mind giving her the dirty hewitt
mjd : I wonder if that Swiss guy has ever nailed Martina Hingis.
Danks : she looked good today
Danks : Link
mjd : Where do you find this shit, man…
Danks : damn David Stern is pissed
mjd : Wow… he fucking hates Dan Patrick.
mjd : I bet it took two or three people to help Hingis get that wedge out.
mjd : Lucky Ronnie Brewer… hello, Salt Lake City.
Danks : yeah
Danks : give me a name of a tennis chick and i’ll hook you up
mjd : Jimmy Connors.
mjd : I think David Stern’s been drinking.
Danks : Link
mjd : NICE.
mjd : Cedric Simmons… hey, ACC player that Vitale likes.  What a surprise.
mjd : I like the Rodney Carney pick for Philadelphia. He could be a stud with some work.
Danks : he can be nasty
mjd : Are they going to play him and Igoudala together?
Danks : good question
mjd : I want to poke Stuart Scott in the eye.
Danks : ha
mjd : Indiana’s going to get Marcus Williams here… just like they got Granger last year.
Danks : yeah lucky fucks
mjd : Or not.
mjd : Back to back Memphis Wildcats off the board.
mjd : Maybe teams just feel like Memphis players are NBA-ready because Calipari’s been paying them for so long.
Danks : true
Danks : Greg Anthony should be shot by someone soon
mjd : I think I have a crush on Jay Bilas.
Danks : i want david stern to get drunk and punch Dan Patrick
mjd : What do you think Stern drinks?
mjd : I say straight gin.
Danks : yeah that sounds about right
Danks : possibly Colt 45 40′s
mjd : I think that’s unlikely..
mjd : Big Ukrainian guy goes to the Wizards…
mjd : Fran Fraschilla likes it, so it must be a good pick.
Danks : I would listen to him if he could hold a fucking job
mjd : He looks like a malnourished Lurch.  Ukranian guy, that is.
mjd : He plays for "PARIS BASKET RACING."
mjd : Basket racing is a completely different sport. I hope he knows that.
Danks : that is a lame name, but not as lame as the Swiss soccer club "Young Boys"
mjd : Yeah. I always get arrested when I wear my "Young Boys" jersey.
mjd : Considering the way the NBA’s going, how are we 18 picks into this thing, and no one’s taken a point guard?
Danks : you think if the Knicks drafted Pittsnogle, that Spike Lee would give him a thumbs up
mjd : Spike Lee loves Pittsnogle.  I think he’s starring in "He’s Got Game 2" this summer.
Danks : Link
mjd : Why…
Danks : i dont know
mjd : Quincy Douby, to Sactown. David Stern approves.
mjd : I wonder why Quincy wasn’t at the draft. Was there a Bon Jovi concert on campus at Rutgers tonight?
Danks : haha
mjd : This Knicks fan wants Marcus Williams… good luck, fuckhead. IN THE RIVER, BABY.
Danks : hey Stuart Scott your mother’s a terrible cook
mjd : He is also under the mistaken impression that Nate Robinson is good.
mjd : That idiot Knicks fan that was on a minute ago now has on a Nuggets jersey.
Danks : hahahahahaha
mjd : Renaldo Balkman. Huge crowd favorite.
Danks : oh yeah
mjd : I don’t even know if that guy exists. I think Isiah just thought, “Wouldn’t it be awesome if there was a guy named Renaldo Balkman? I’m going to take him, just in case there is.”
mjd : He was an NIT MVP.  That seems oddly appropriate.
mjd : Jay Bilas is hammering the pick… this is fucking awesome.
mjd : I wonder if the Knicks could win the NIT.
Danks : Isiah should be fired right now
mjd : Hey, that’s odd. There’s a guy is jumping up and down smiling, holding a sign that says he’s depressed.  You don’t see that everyday.

mjd : Balkman looks like a janitor with a drug problem.
Danks : i’d rather draft Greg Anthony
mjd : That was awesome. Thank you, Isiah.
mjd : Spike’s keeping the faith.
mjd : Spike Lee is the one reason I kinda want the Knicks to get better. I mean, a schmuck like me deserves to cheer for a bad team. But Spike Lee is a genius… it just seems wrong.
Danks : yes
mjd : Andy Katz says Boston is trying to get back in the draft, to take Rajon Rondo… who is a point guard. Much like Sebastian Telfair.
Danks : oh great lets pay Brian Grants 45 million a year contract
mjd : So you take Grant’s massive contract, so you can have a back-up point guard?
mjd : I like Rondo, but… I don’t know how this makes sense for Boston.
mjd : I also don’t have any idea how Rondo gets taken ahead of Marcus Williams.
Danks : what’s made sense in Boston since drafting Larry Bird?
Danks : fucking Danny Ainge, hit or miss
mjd : If the Nets don’t take Marcus Williams, I’m just turning the TV off.
Danks : yeah its getting a little absurd
mjd : Marcus Williams to the Nets… Knicks fans are pissed off.
Danks : its a beautiful thing
mjd : Oh, man… the Nets took Josh Boone, too. The other guy the Knicks fans wanted.
Danks : haha sweet
mjd : Josh Boone, Jason Kidd… the Nets are becoming the "Hey, what fucking color is that guy?" team.
Danks : yeah what the fuckis going on
Danks : Link
mjd : Oooh. Not bad.
mjd : Man, the Nets did really well for themselves… back-up point guard, serviceable big man… Rod Thorn, represent.
Danks : Link
Danks : mary pierce, my my
mjd : I don’t have any sort of a response for that.
Danks : haha i wish that was real
mjd : She doesn’t seem to be enjoying herself there…
Danks : no
mjd : Wow. Rudy Gay’s watch cost more than my car.
Danks : was that rudy gay’s mom?
mjd : I think so.
Danks : not bad
mjd : Are you alright, man?
mjd : Hey, Kyle Lowry. I like that pick.
Danks : yeah it is a great pick
Danks : did Jim Grey get a labotomy
mjd : He seems depressed.
Danks : maybe Kobe Bryant raped his wife
mjd : That’s not nice.
Danks : i think Jerry West just laughed at Rudy Gay’s last name
mjd : Farmar to the Lakers… I’m not a huge fan.
mjd : 42-inch vertical… damn.
Danks : yesh that’s pretty damn good
mjd : My vertical is only like 39.
Danks : still not too bad
mjd : Oh, that pick was still a part of the Shaq deal for the Lakers… so I guess Farmar means that the Lakers won that deal.
Danks : i thought they already had
mjd : Yeah, Lamar Odom was really robbed in the MVP vote this year.
Danks : oh yeah
Danks : this movie looks funny as hell
mjd : I’d let Uma Thurman throw a shark at me.
Danks : yes
Danks : Sergio Rodriquez, didn’t he score two of the four goals against Ukraine?
mjd : He’s also a hell of a golfer.
mjd : They call him "Spanish Chocolate." I think "Spanish Fly" works much better.
Danks : Link
mjd : That’s a tight jersey.
Danks : yeah not bad
mjd : What the hell is wrong with Jim Gray…
Danks : i think he is trying to get fired
mjd : Hey, Maurice Ager… our first crier.
Danks : about time
mjd : I’m bored.
Danks : yes
mjd : Find me a Aranxtra Sanchez-Vicario picture.
Danks : got it
Danks : hahahaha this knicks fan is awesome
mjd : Mark Jones is disgusted.
mjd : Do they look for dumb Knicks fans, or are there just not any smart ones…
mjd : I actually kinda like Mardy Collins.
Danks : who the fuck is Mardy Collins
mjd : Big point guard, good defender… can’t shoot, thogh.
Danks : nice
Danks : Link
mjd : I thank you, kind sir.
Danks : next?
mjd : Amelie Maruesmo. With the big shoulders.
Danks : Link
mjd : Excellent work… though she does look a big mannish.

mjd : But hey, I’m into that.
Danks : i try
Danks : next kind sir?

mjd : Capriati’s ass.
mjd : Awesome… British guy just gave Stern an England soccer jersey.
Danks : yeah that was sweet
Danks : Link
mjd : You are amazing.
Danks : i cant be stopped
mjd : I bet you can’t find a picture of Martina Navritilova doing a guy.
Danks : i can try
Danks : hahha i found something even better
Danks : Link
mjd : You are a world champion in this field.
Danks : i am only getting better too
mjd : Alright. Find Billie Jean King looking hot.
Danks : that may be impossible
mjd : That’s your challenge.
Danks : Link
Danks : the best i can do
mjd : Ouch.
Danks : how do you ref a street ball game?
mjd : That’s a very good question.
mjd : "Hey, you, the guy playing defense… get away from him."
Danks : pretty much
Danks : what the fuck
mjd : Hey, if Shaq thinks he’s Superman, does that make Cuttino Mobey and Steve Francis "Ace and Gary"?
Danks : i think so
mjd : Did the Bucks take the purple out of their color scheme?
Danks : fucking homophobes
mjd : I think they did.
Danks : they should go back to that picture of the Buck smiling dribbling the ball
mjd : Hell yes.
mjd : And those three-tone green side panels.
mjd : The Jews in the crowd love the pick of the Isreali guy.

Posted in: Uncategorized18 comments

June15

Chris Henry Is Rewriting The Record Books

By: the mighty mjd

There is something missing in Chris Henry’s head. Most of us have some sort of a mechanism up there that occasionally says to us, “Hey, it might be wrong to do this. Perhaps we should let this one go.” Of, failing that, it says, “Hey, I know you want to do this, hell, I do, too… but it is illegal, and you know, getting laid in jail isn’t nearly as pleasurable as it is on the outside.” Chris Henry lacks such a mechanism. He might be the dumbest man walking. Even Paris Hilton looks at this guy and says, “You know, he’s not that fucking bright.”

Henry turned himself in to police yesterday on three counts of “unlawful transactions with a minor.” He allegedly provided alcohol to three young women, ages 18, 16, and 15, in his car. And unless you’re Marcus Vick (who heard about this, called Chris Henry and said, “OH SHIT! THAT’S HOW WE DO IT, PLAYA!”), you know you can’t do that. And Henry is alleged to have known that all three women were not of legal age. He’ll be arraigned today.

Originally, one of the ladies told police that Henry raped her. Police grilled her and found out that it wasn’t true. So I guess we need to give Chris Henry some credit for that. So congratulations, Chris Henry, for stopping short of raping someone. Seriously, man, that’s awesome. You were raised right. Truth be told, I’d have bet against you in that situation.

For those of you scoring at home, that’s four arrests in nine months. Say, what is the NFL record for number arrests in a one-year period? I’ve gotta imagine that Chris Henry is re-writing that page of the record book. What an absolute jack-ass. I mean, I’m all for second chances, but… I mean, some people just aren’t going to get it. I demand that the Bengals do one of two things… 1) release him. Or 2) give him his own player blog on Bengals.com.

Joe Theismann has thus far remained silent on the issue.

Posted in: Uncategorized17 comments

May31

Marbury Intends To Die a Dic– er, Knick.

By: the mighty mjd

And what an absolute blessing for the Knickerbockers. What tremendous joy they must feel in knowing that their infectious plague wants to stay forever. Awesome.

“I want to be a Knick, I want to die a Knick. If I ever was to be cremated, I’d want my ashes sprinkled on top of the Garden. Playing here has always been my dream. I want to be in New York more than any place.

“I hope that every player on this team comes back next season. I honestly mean that. Every player. I think we have a great team. I think it will be so much different next year.”

Well, hell… lets make him the GM, too. Clearly, he’s got a handle on things. All that needs to happen in New York is for Starbury to go back to being Starbury, and for the entire overpaid, underproductive, poor attitude roster to return. That’s a recipe for success if I’ve ever heard one. You should all probably play in church shoes, blindfolded, and while being attacked by rabid pit bulls, as well. That’s the only possible thing that could improve that miraculous recipe.

My guess is that the immortal Starbury stays, and Larry Brown goes. And the Knicks will probably improve next year under a different coach. Not that Larry Brown isn’t a good coach, certainly, but if they’d have had no coach at all, they’d have had a better record this year. If any jack-ass went in there and said, “Hey, you know what, just run like hell and shoot the ball like crazy,” the Knicks would’ve had a better record… but no real chance at becoming anything. Larry Brown, on the other hand, tried to teach them things that this particular roster just isn’t capable of learning, and they spent the whole year confused. With that, at least there was a chance for legitimate growth and improvement, even if it would be rough in the beginning.

Anyway, conveniently enough for Starbury, he’s pretty much untradable. Even if they wanted to get rid of him, they probably couldn’t. Of course, he’ll choose to see it as, “They love me, and they believe in the power of Starbury,” much like he honestly believes that he’s the best point guard in the NBA.

Posted in: NBA, Uncategorized3 comments

May10

Hines Ward Determined To Ruin Peyton Manning’s Summer

By: the mighty mjd

Here’s Steelers WR Hines Ward, after being asked about his hectic off-season schedule:

“This is fun. I love the treatment. When you can walk in and see all the players from other teams, there’s nothing they can say to you. You’re on top that whole offseason. I’ve been all over, to L.A., to Vegas, to Miami and seen all the players from all over. Hey, Peyton Manning, I know you’re great and all, but you don’t have a ring. You can be all this, all world, but you don’t have a ring. I have a ring. There’s nothing you can say to me right now.”

Well, that seems a little harsh. I mean, sure, it’s true… and no enjoys a good shot at Peyton Manning more than I do. But that came out of nowhere… a completely unprovoked shot. That was just downright mean. Funny, certainly… but mean. Next, someone asked Hined Ward what he thought about the Steelers chances to repeat. Here’s how the rest of the interview went:

Reporter: Hines, what do you think about the Steelers chances to repeat?
Hines: Well, I think we’ve got the right core in place, and we have some good guys, and you know what? Fuck Dan Marino. That dumb, permed-up son of a bitch can shove his Isotoners right up his ass. I got this ring, BEYAAATCH.
Reporter: Um… I… well, okay. So, Hines, what else are you getting involved in this off-season?
Hines: Well, I’m going to take a little vacation, and then get back to work, hit the gym, and then I thought I’d fly down to Atlanta and smack Charles Barkley in his big fat mouth. He never won a ring. HINES WARD’S GOT A RING! LOOK AT MY RING! FUCK YOU IF YOU DON’T HAVE ONE!
Reporter: This is– Hines, I don’t know what– this just seems weird, man.
Hines: KARL MALONE CAN GO HELL. DO YOU HEAR ME? KARL MALONE CAN GO STRAIGHT TO HELL.

Posted in: Uncategorized7 comments

May10

Mavs 1, Spurs 1

By: the mighty mjd

Dirk Nowitzki said after Game One that he wouldn’t be able to score more than 20 points against Bruce Bowen. So head coach Avery Johnson, sensing that his superstar was in need of a tampon change, pretty much wrote him out of the gameplan. He basically said, “Alright, fine, stick Bruce Bowen on Dirk Nowtizki, and we’ll forget about Dirk Nowitzki. You can win that one. But we’re going to put two or three other speedy little guys on the floor, and they’re going to attack the rim as violently and frequently as Reggie Evans at a gay orgy.” And it worked.

Dirk, though he was very efficient with his shooting, took just 11 shots. Josh Howard, Jason Terry, Devin Harris, and Jerry Stackhouse all took more shots than Dirk. Devin Harris in particular was outstanding… he’s going to be some kind of player, especially in that system. Dallas ran a lot of pick-and-rolls, a lot of pick-and-pops, some drive-and-kicks, and they really got whatever shot they wanted.

And the Spurs can be taken advantage of a little bit around the rim, especially if it gets Tim Duncan in foul trouble like it did tonight. Robert Horry is certainly not a rim-protector. Nazr Mohammed is not playing well. And Rasho Nesterovic is still, quite unfortunately, Rasho Nesterovic.

That’s the move that Avery Johnson made, so Gregg Popovich has got to come up with something now, something to keep the Mavs from getting to the rim so easily. And he’ll figure something out… great coaches and great teams adjust. There are major problems for the Spurs in this series, though. Manu Ginobili is not himself… he’s been playing like Vin Baker. Tony Parker’s banged up, Tim Duncan is banged up, and their bench is not that good.

The advantage has shifted to the Mavericks, without question. I’m not saying that the Spurs have to win Game Three, but they do have to show that they’ve figured some things out. And they’ve got to show that someone can help take the load off of Tim Duncan offensively… which is more difficult now that the Mavericks play some nice defense.

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May10

Pistons 2, Cavs 0

By: the mighty mjd

“We are all witnessin’ somethin’. We’re witnessin’ an asskickin’.”
– Charles Barkley

Not really a lot to say about this one. The one positive for the Cavs is that they were able to make the game somewhat close at the end, which will hopefully build a little confidence for them in Game Three. The other good news is that they’ve got a few days to rest, change up the gameplan, find different ways to get LeBron involved… The bad news is that none of that is going to matter, because they still have to play the Detroit Pistons, and they aren’t good enough to beat them.

Posted in: NBA, Uncategorized1 comments

April21

The Marbury Bombshell

By: the mighty mjd

He holds a Spalding like no other man alive.Apparently, it was this:

Typical of their dysfunctional relationship was Marbury’s session with the media Thursday. He said that “Larry Brown made me a better man,” but then gave a “No comment” when asked if Brown was the right coach for the team.

Oh, that’s sweet. He makes you want to be a better man. I think he was trying to make you a better point guard, but that didn’t work out so well. I think Larry and Stephon should hop in Cuba Gooding Jr.’s convertible and drive Greg Kinnear to Baltimore and learn some life lessons along the way.

And I might as well mention, while I’m on the subject, that Larry Brown did indeed confirm that he’s coming back next year. Someone asked him if his health issues could cause him to leave New York, like they kinda/sorta/didn’t cause him to leave Detroit.

“I wasn’t in control of that,” he said of the Detroit situation. “I want to return here. I want to fulfill my contract and I want to stay involved as long as they’ll have me.”

Not to nitpick, Larry, but you could’ve been in control of that last year. At the end of the season, it was, “Hey, I wanna come back, but who knows if my health will let me?” which left the Pistons in a situation where there options were to wait around for a decision, letting every decent coaching candidate get hired somewhere else, and just pray that you decided to return, or to let you walk and find someone who could actually commit to the job. This year, it’s “Hey, I’m coming back! I’m coming back!” I just wanted to note the differences.

Posted in: Dickheads, NBA, Uncategorized3 comments

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