Michael Farber says it’s a crisis. Frank DeFord says, eh, no big thing. I say that if it’s any story about hockey, and people have been talking about it for two days, then it must be huge.

Personally, I don’t care if Jeremy Roenick, Janet Gretzky, or Ned Braden gamble their entire life savings on the next Grey Cup. That’s their business. No one’s in any position to tell athletes what they can or can’t do in their free time. But, that said, it is bad news when you have professional athletes aligned with organized crime and gambling rings. You can’t have that. A sport absolutely cannot tolerate that.

I know that no one involved has (yet) been accused of gambling on hockey. But, let’s say, for example, that you’ve got a guy who happens to be an assistant coach for an NHL franchise in the southwestern portion of the United States. Let’s say this guy starts up an illegal gambling ring, taking millions of dollars in bets. I’m supposed to believe that he’ll draw the moral line at gambling on hockey? Clearly, this hypothetical person is not all that concerned with ethical behavior.

I just could not be convinced that if you’ve got a hockey coach, an illegal gambling ring, and all kinds of guys with mob ties, that they’re going to stop themselves at some point and say, “Hey, wait this might be unethical. We can’t take bets on hockey. We’re better people than that. Now, come on, we’re going to be late for our volunteer shift at Meals on Wheels.” No. That possibility that none of this ever affected hockey strikes me as remote.

If you’re the NHL, or any sports league, you simply can’t have your athletes and coaches hanging out with people in the gambling industry. I mean, I don’t care if Michael Jordan and his pals play Pebble Beach for $60,000 a hole, or if Jaromir Jagr plays blackjack for $100,000 a hand. That’s not what we’re talking about here.

For an athlete, a guy with so much information about his own team and other teams, to be hanging out with someone involved in a mob gambling ring… that just looks bad. A sport can’t risk it. I know I said that no one has a right to tell athletes what to do with their personal lives, but if 17-year-old Guy LeMullet was friends with a guy running a gambling ring before he got to the NHL (which seems unlikely), then he has to stop being friends with him once he’s in the NHL. A relationship like that can jeopardize an entire league.

And, back to this particular instance, it was much more than any of that. A coach is accused of actually bankrolling an entire illegal operation, with the help of organized crime and a(n) (alleged) dirty cop. To me, that is a huge, huge, story. And it gets huger when you consider that the two people named so far, Rick Tocchet and Janet Jones Gretzky, surround the game’s most famous and influential figure on both sides… well, that’s not good.

The whole thing kinda baffles me. I don’t know why someone as successful as Rick Tocchet is screwing around with some New Jersey wiseguys to do something that could put him away for 10 years and deliver a serious black eye to his sport. It will be interesting to see what kinda of details continue to surface.

Phoenix Coyotes associate head coach and former Penguins and Flyers player Rick Tocchet has been accused of running a nationwide sports gambling ring, aided by a state police trooper. Outstanding.

A gambling ring. That’s creative. I applaud Rick Tocchet for not going with the traditional domestic abuse, or firearm possession, or DUI. Running a nationwide gambling ring that, over a period of 40 days, takes wagers exceeding $1.7 million… that’s not bad.

Most of the bets were on football or baseball, and about a dozen current NHL players placed bets. This would be a lot more interesting if Tocchet, or some NHL players were actually gambling on NHL games, but that does not appear to be the case. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who was the exact right combination of Canadian and drunk to be gambling on hockey games.

I really don’t think either team played anywhere near their best football. It wasn’t necessarily ugly football, or particularly mistake-filled, but it rarely was awe-inspiring. Both teams seemed tight and tentative for most of the game. Most of the game was played at about a 6. On various individual plays, the Steelers pushed it up to a 10, while the Seahawks never could. One team made plays, and one didn’t. That’s pretty much the story.

The story in the grander context of things is that it’s nice to see a stable, family-owned franchise be rewarded for how they do things. How many organizations would’ve fired Bill Cowher when he was going through some substandard years? Maybe all of them except the Steelers. I mean, even Steelers fans wanted him fired at various times. It was just a month or two ago that I was forwarded an e-mail by a pissed off Steelers fan with a picture of Bill Cowher pushing carts at a Wal-Mart.

But Dan Rooney never wavered, he trusted his instincts, he trusted the belief that a good coach does not suddenly turn into a bad coach overnight, and he stuck with him. It’s nice to see that kind of loyalty rewarded. I’m never going to be a Steelers fan, but I respect how the Rooneys do business.

Various other unorganized thoughts:

• I’m kinda glad the game wasn’t decided by a tiny little margin, so Josh Brown doesn’t have to feel like a schmuck.

• Max Starks deserves a lot of credit for hustling his big ass downfield after the Herndon interception.

• It’s too bad the Seahawks didn’t play better today. Penalties, more than anything else, even the Jerramy Stevens drop-fest, absolutely gutted their chances to win. The most damaging was probably that holding call that nullified a play that had them set up near the goal line. That was weak. But I think it’s very rare that officiating changes the outcome of a game, I don’t think that happened tonight, and I don’t think it’s as bad as people are making out to be. More on that in a second.

• Benjamin Roethlisberger played probably the best 22.9 QB-rated game you’ll ever see. He threw the ball pretty terribly. The best pass thrown by a Steeler yesterday was by Antwan Randle-El. Benjamin was not comfortable, all game long. But he made some huge plays, too. The little flick pass to Hines for a first down, toeing the line of scrimming before heaving a (kinda bad) pass to Hines Ward inside the five, the first down run, the TD run… speaking of which…

• The replays on that were just completely inconclusive. There’s just no way to tell if a point of the football ever broke the plane. However the official called it on the field was how it was going to stand. The way I saw it, there was no way that anyone on the planet earth can be 100% sure that that football did or did not break the plane of the endzone. All you could see was forearm and shadow.

• The 1st quarter Darrell Jackson push-off call. Maybe it wasn’t a lot of contact, , but… when you fully extend your arm into the DBs chest - particularly in the endzone - you risk getting called. And I don’t think he even needed to do it. If he’d have just turned in the same direction with no contact, it’s probably an easy TD catch.

So, if you’re not doing anything for the big game (and I applaud you if you’ve managed to not get roped into some lame-as-fuck Super Bowl party with your girlfriend, Aunt Belinda, and some asshole who’s never heard of Willie Parker), stop by Deadspin this weekend… I’ll be there until sometime around kickoff, and then Will is taking over.

As for predictions… I feel like if both teams play their best ball, the Steelers will win.  But there’s a lot of emotion involved in this game, and weird things can happen.  I just have an odd feelign that turnovers decide this one.  The Steelers are the safe pick, and that’s what I’m going with, because I’m a pussy… Steelers 23, Seahawks 10.

Steelers linebacker Joey Porter takes time out of his busy Super Bowl week to debut has brand new advice column. I’m happy to carry it here on themightymjd.com…

Dear Joey,

Joey, I’m desperate and I need your help. I think my husband might be cheating on me. Do you think I should confront him?

Signed,
Fed Up in Flint

Dear Fed Up:

Confront him? Girl, you need to get PHYSICAL. What you gonna do, go cryin’ to your man, like ‘Awww, I think you’re being unfaithful, Waaah, and it makes me feel sad.’ Fuck all that, girl. Get yourself a shovel, wait for him in the garage, and when he comes home and steps out of that car, BOOM. Go upside that man’s HEAD.

Of course, if you ain’t a good wife, you need to keep your mouth shut, you know? Not just anyone can be talkin’ shit. So unless you have dinner ready for him on the table every night and you’re givin’ up that ass whenever he wants it, you need to keep that mouth shut. Because if you start saying shit he doesn’t like, and you haven’t been to two or three Pro Bowls, he has every right to put on a pair of brass knucks and bust you in your grillpiece.

Best of luck,
Joey

Dear Joey,

Hey, what’s up, I’m a huge Steelers fan. Best of luck on Sunday. Here’s my question: There’s this girl at school who I kinda like and I think she likes me too, but I can’t tell. Like, sometimes she’ll smile at me, and sometimes she pretends I’m not even there. It confuses me.

Signed,
Smitten in San Jose

Dear Smitten,

I can’t STAND that bitch, playin’ all those games like that. If she likes you, she needs to step and tell you she’s down for you, you know? But all those games and smilin’ and winkin’, that bitch reminds me of Peyton Manning. Here’s what I think you should do: Blitz that triflin’ ho from the weak side, and put the crown of your helmet right into her motherfuckin’ sternum and drop her like Ali did Liston. ARRRGH.

And then get up and kick the air, just to let the rest of them hoes know where you stand.

Best of luck,
Joey

Dear Joey,

I think the Seahawks might win Sunday.

Signed,
Seahawks Fan in - Well, there’s no way I’m telling you where I live.

Dear Seahawks Fan,

I’MMA KILL YOU, MOTHERFUCKER. YOU HEAR ME? I will take a sledgehammer to your FACE. I’m gonna FIND where you live. You can’t hide from me. I’m gonna have your letter fingerprinted, and I’m going to track you down AND MURDER YOUR ENTIRE FUCKING FAMILY, YOU DIRTY RAT-SOUP EATIN’ MOTHERFUCKER. Don’t go to sleep, punk son of a bitch. You hear me? DO NOT GO TO SLEEP. Because the second you do, I’m going to wake your mama up and make her watch me stab you to death with a pair of left-handed scissors. I suggest you make peace with God. You are going to DIE.

Best of luck,
Joey

Dear Joey,

I’m a pretty nervous person, and I sometimes have trouble relaxing. How do you unwind during the off-season?

Signed,
Tense in Tempe

Dear Tense,

Mainly, I just walk around the malls in Pittsburgh, and anyone who doesn’t ask me for my autograph, I kill.

Best of luck,
Joey

• Edgerrin James believes he’s done in Indy. “I don’t see nothing happening. You can read between the lines and from the things I’m hearing, nothing’s going to happen.” That’s the NFL today. Running backs are valued as much as Dead Prez albums at Rush Limbaugh’s house. Sooner or later, I’d like to see some team get burned with this theory… for example, Dominic Rhodes average about 2.8 per carry next year while Edge runs for 1,600 yards and gets the Cardinals in the playoffs or something.

• A 40-year-old transexual is 3 strokes behind in the ANZ Ladies Masters. I really have nothing else to say on the issue. I just wanted to make you aware.

• Mike Martz will evidently not be the next offensive coordinator of the Detroit Lions. I guess they wouldn’t pay him enough. The guy they just hired to be the head coach is making $2 million a year (budget shopper, that Matt Millen), and Martz wanted something close to that, and he isn’t getting it. I thought this would’ve been a great hire for the Lions. And a good job for Martz, too, because you know he’d be the next head coach there, and it probably wouldn’t take longer than a season. The real winner here is the homeless guy that the Lions hired to coach who doesn’t have to look over his shoulder and see Martz.

• You know, I’ve seen this opinion in a few places. Kornheiser and Wilbon both think the dunk contest is dead, Phil Taylor at SI.com thinks it’s dead… and I don’t understand. It was dead for a while. I’ll give you that. But it’s alive, man. Jason Richardson started the mouth-to-mouth, and Amare Stoudamire and Josh Smith brought it all the way back last year. I don’t know why people don’t want to acknowledge it.

Eh, good for her, I guess. This isn’t something I’m going to get too excited about. I mean, she’s clearly an exceptionally talented person, and I’m sure she’s a great player. But at the high school level, I’m a little put off by the idea of one entire team being humiliated so that one player can get some headlines.

When Kobe scores 81, that’s different. The Raptors are professionals. If they don’t want him to score 81 points, they can feel free to stop him. But with this… one team was clearly unable to do anything to defend themselves. So the coach keeps her best player in the game, up by 100 points? That is shameful.

Women’s basketball, especially in high school, is still at the point where there are huge disparities in talent. There aren’t enough good players to go around. Things like this are going to happen from time to time, because some teams can’t handle certain players. But that’s not an excuse to embarrass an entire other team.

And I don’t know if there’s a shot clock in women’s high school basketball, but the coach of the other team should’ve found a way to stop this, too. Send your biggest player out there to physically lay on the basketball. If you’ve got to take a foul on her every time, then do it. If you’ve got to triple-team her, then do it. If you have to pull a pen knife out of your sock and actually deflate the basketball, do it.

LeBron noticed, too. His quote about the situation was amusing…

“It’s an amazing thing when an individual does that,” he said. “I don’t know who she is, but maybe we’ll see her in the WNBA. For that matter, the NBA.”

Well, let’s slow down a little bit. Those sound like the words of a guy who really really wants to sell some shoes to women.

Ottawa Senators goalie Ray Emery wore a mask the other night featuring the image of Mike Tyson… and his GM, John Muckler, has talked him into taking it off. He didn’t ‘make’ him take it off… but he gently eased him in that direction.

“We didn’t ask him not to wear the mask,” Senators GM John Muckler said Tuesday. “We just had a discussion about what was right and what was wrong. He said he would take it off.”

Yeah, we wouldn’t want anyone to sully hockey. “Hey kids, come to a game, watch two grown men punch each other in the face without repercussions. But please avert your gaze from the 6-inch airbrushed image of Mike Tyson because that is threatening to tear apart the moral fabric of our game. And hey, how about a hand for Todd Bertuzzi!”

Anyway… in the interests of full disclosure, I am biased here, on both sides. I love Mike Tyson… and, as bizarre as it may seem, I hate John Muckler. The last time I was a hockey fan, he was coaching the Rangers quite poorly. In addition, he’s pretty much the reason that Ted Nolan can’t get another NHL job. Or, at the very least, he represents the old boys hockey network that is the reason that Ted Nolan can’t get a job. Anyway, I hope Mike hears about this and shows up at a Senators game looking for a piece of Muckler.

Emery also has masks that honor Marvin Hagler and Jack Johnson… which makes him just about the coolest guy in the history of the NHL. And while we’re here… isn’t the goalie mask about the most unique uniform thing that exists in all of sports? I mean, what other sport allows you to put whatever you want on one piece of uniform equipment? If David Stern had to deal with that, he’d kill himself.

Citing conflicts over recent issues with the league’s dress code and players going into the stands (and spreading STDs), Dennis Rodman has stepped down as commissioner of the Lingerie Bowl.

Actually, he stepped down because The Lingerie Bowl negotiated an endoresment deal with online gambling website bodog.com, while Rodman is a paid endorser of goldenpalace.com. The Lingerie Bowl is now looking into replacing Rodman with a celebrity of equal magnitude, someone like Carrot Top or Kurt Rambis.

And did you know that you can gamble on The Lingerie Bowl? It’s true. You can beat on the winner (I like the New York Euphoria over the Los Angeles Temptation, because of their strong vertical passing game and plastic tits), which team will score first, what position player will score the first touchdown, and if anyone will perform a pole dance after a touchdown. Really. You can. That seems like easy money.

And I think it looks like a damn good one.

• Definding champion Josh Smith. I think you have to make him the early favorite to repeat, just based on last year’s creativity. He used Kenyon Martin as a prop, he busted out the Dominique jersey… this is a man who knows that creativity is important, and who knows he has to step his game up.

• Nate Robinson. On the 20th anniversary of Spud Webb’s victory in the dunk contest, 5′9″ Nate Robinson steps in. He’s got the opportunity to really do something special. The little guys who can stay in the air the longest are really at a huge advantage. Robinson’s got a great chance to step in and blow some minds.

• Hakim Warrick. A great dunker. He’s got those long helicopter arms, and he’s thrown down some impressive in-game dunks. Some of the slams he threw down at Syracuse were on SportsCenter for days afterwards. But it’s going to be very hard for a big man to win this thing. They just can’t hang in the air and get as many things done. Without major creativity and probably some help from someone else, Hakim Warrick isn’t getting out of the first round.

• Andre Iguodala. Potential to be awesome. He’s the right size kind of guy… small enough to take off from the foul fine, but big enough to throw it down with some thunder. He’s certainly as capable as anyone else.

I’d have liked to have seen J.R. Smith get an invite back… He didn’t make it to the Finals last year, but his first-round behind-the-back dunk is maybe the most underrated dunk of all time. It had to be incredibly hard to do, and I had never seen anyone else do it before. But oh well.

It’s going to come down to creativity. I think use of teammates/friends is going to be big this year. Last year, Josh Smith used Kenyon Martin, and Amare Stoudamire used Steve Nash… and both went over exceedingly well. J.R. Smith tried to use a teammate, too, but… well, that teammate was Chris Andersen, and he was hell-bent on destroying everything in his path last year. In fairness, though, he may have been strung out, so I’m cutting him some slack.

Check out Skip’s latest Page 2 offering.  Actually, I think it may have been written by my mother, but Skip’s name appears in the byline.

How can these teams ever generate enough star power to live up to the telecast’s Oscar-worthy commercials?

No Peyton or Brady or Vick or buzz.

No rivalry or bad blood or controversy or buzz.

Only zzz.

Skip, if you like buzz… watch E!’s red carpet show or something. You like the commercials, Big Skip? Then you can go watch the game with my mother. You two can ignore the game, chat about Desperate Housewives, and then when the commercials come on, you can act like you’re seeing the moon landing.

Would [the Steelers] have finished off the season’s most shocking upset, in Indianapolis, if Colts cornerback Nick Harper hadn’t weaved back into a sprawling ankle tackle by Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger? No.

As if Roethlisberger’s tackle of Nick Harper was the play on which that game turned. Like Bettis’s fumble was completely characteristic. Like the Troy Polamalu interception call was completely normal and happenstance.

Would the Steelers have won in Denver if an early poor pass by Roethlisberger had been picked off in the flat by Champ Bailey and returned for a stadium-rocking touchdown? Probably not.

Well, that’s great and all… except, you know, that didn’t happen. If Champ Bailey was a better player, Champ Bailey would be a better player, and Denver would be a better team. But they aren’t, they didn’t make plays, Pittsburgh did, and Denver lost.

Would the Seahawks have risen from 2-2 to home-field playoff advantage if Terrell Owens hadn’t torn apart the Eagles? If Michael Vick hadn’t regressed?

Again… these things happened, and are part of the reason that Seattle was the best team in the NFC. I don’t get your point, Skip. It’s like you’re asking, “Hey, if all these things didn’t happen that made Seattle the best team in the NFC, would Seattle be the best team in the NFC? Hey, if Matt Hasselbeck woke up this morning and shoved a pineapple into his ass, wouldn’t he walk a little bit funny? And if Shaun Alexander decided at age 11 to become a ballerina, would he be in the Super Bowl right now? No. He wouldn’t. And that’s why this Super Bowl sucks.”

Strictly from a football standpoint, this matchup is pretty intriguing.

So, a professional sportwriter says that the game, from a football standpoint, is intriguing. And also that it bores him. Why are you a sportswriter then? Go host Talk Soup or something.

I usually defend you, Skip. But this… you sound like any of the millions of 45-year-old women who are going to be at “Super Bowl parties” because they want to see the commercials. Weak.

• Hey, here’s a pretty healthy view of Serena Williams’ ass crack. You know, just in case you were wondering if you’d get a chance to see it today. My compliments to the fine folks at The Airing of Grievances.

• Cuttino Mobley apparently does not trust our nation’s banking system. Thieves broke into his Bel-Air home (just down the street from Uncle Phil, Aunt Vivian, and Geoffrey), and stole, among other things, $500,000 in cash. Damn. Find your way to a bank, fella. Or give ADT a call and hook up a security system. Or, at the very least, see if Qyntel Woods has a dog he can sell you.

• Let’s give it up for the little guys: Northern Iowa has cracked the men’s Top 25 for the first time, and George Washington has poked their head into the Top 10. Georgetown also finally gets the nod into the Coaches poll, debuting at 22. Michigan, after a pretty decent week, beating Michigan State and Wisconsin, jumps in at #20.

• Today’s worthless bit of Super Bowl news: QBs who’s last names have the highest scrabble value at 6-1 in the playoffs this year (at least according to the article… by my count, there have been 10 playoff games so far). Anyway, the Super Bowl matchup is a clash of titans, between Hasselbeck and Roethlisberger. The winner, in an upset… Matt Hasselbeck.

• With thanks to Deadspin for the link, Outsports.com presents a Very Gay Guide to the Super Bowl, including Seattle’s support from the gay community, and the obligatory mention of Kordell “Adam and Steve” Stewart. Also, you can find a list of terms that the NFL won’t allow you to have on the back of your jersey, such as “COCKCOWBOY,” “CROTCH JOCKEY,” and “CUM QUEEN.” As a huge fan of profanity and most things juvenile… this list just makes me so happy. I can’t believe the NFL won’t let you put “MAN PASTE” on the back of a jersey. When I make it to the NFL, I’m changing my last name to “MAN PASTE” just so they have to reconsider.

I’ll be the first to tell you that Jerome Bettis’s role in this Super Bowl, and in fact, on this Steelers team, is a little bit blown out of proportion. He’s a leader and a mentor, and he seems to inspire the other guys, and all that stuff is invaluable. But his actual role on the field… basically, he’s a friendlier TJ Duckett. He’s a short yardage guy, and endzone guy, and a change of pace to Willie Parker.

But on Page 2 today, David Schoenfield makes the point that Jerome Bettis is absolutely not one of the best running backs of all time… and I disagree wholeheartedly. He’s 5th on the NFL’s all-time rushing list. Now, I’m not saying that the all-time rushing list is the end-all be-all for ranking RBs all time, but it’s something. It’s not meaningless. 5th all-time makes a running back pretty great.

The guy argues that Bettis ran for over 1,500 yards just once, and that he has a 3.9 career yards per carry, while other Steelers like Erric Pegram, Richard Huntley, Amos Zereoue, Chris Fu’amatu-Ma’afala and Willie Parker have combined to gain 4.38 yards per carry for the Steelers. He also compares Bettis to a guy like Harold Baines or Don Sutton, someone who was around long enough to compile a lot of stats, but was never truly great.

All of those points ignore important things about Bettis. If I could choose 3.9 yards per carry from any back in the NFL, I’ll take it from Jerome. Because at the 3nd of those 3.9 yards, there’s going to be at least one very sore tackler. He punishes a defense. He wears them down. At the end of the game, the last person a linebacker or DB wants to see coming at them is Jerome Bettis.

I think Bill Cowher prefers that kind of offense. Give him the choice between, say, Zereoue, breaking one for 20 yards, or Bettis rushing 5 times, getting 4 yards per carry, and Cowher wants the 2nd option. It controls the clock, it lengthens drives, and it wears down the defense. I really believe that through the years, Bill Cowher and the Steelers have designed things that way.

And a lot of Bettis’s carries, especially in recent years, come in short-yardage situations. Are you going to hold it against the guy that on a 4th-and-1, he gets a yard and a half? He’s outstanding in those situations… he’s got the patience, vision, and quick feet to find the hole, and then the power to force himself through it. The Steelers beat the Chargers this year because of what Jerome Bettis was able to do late in the game in short-yardage situations.

Longevity means something. This guy seems to hold it against Bettis, or at least discount it as a factor. I don’t see it that way. Why shouldn’t it be a positive for Bettis that he’s been able to keep himself healthy and stay around for a while? Not everyone can do that.

I once said that you could make a case for Jerome Bettis as one of the greatest athletes in the world. Now, it was said half-facetiously, and probably drunk, and I’m not really suggesting that Bettis is one of the greatest athletes in the world, but… consider that he became the NFL’s 5th-all-time leading rusher, and he did it as a fat guy. A man of that size having that kind of quickness is just not natural… in fact, it’s fucking superhuman. Take any other great athlete… Kobe Bryant, Lance Armstrong, LaDainian Tomlinson, Wayne Rooney, Ichiro… and strap 150 pounds to their back, and then let’s see what a great athlete they are. Kobe as a fat guy is Robert Traylor. Lance Armstrong as a fat guy is an accountant.

I mean, you line up all the other great RBs ever, and look at them… in their prime, they were chiseled. Bettis accomplished the same things, more than most of them, as a fat guy. I mean, we’re not talking about 1st basemen here, or sumo wrestlers, or golfers. We’re talking about running backs in the National Football League… a position that contains, truly some of the greatest athletes in the world. And a fat guy had made himself one of the best. That’s remarkable.