There’s just no way to judge this trade. If Ron Artest was a normal guy, it would certainly be a win for Sacramento. I’d like to say it’s a win for Sacramento… I think it will be a win for Sacramento. But you just never know when Ron’s going to decide to rip someone’s heart out of their chest in the 3rd quarter of a game and eat it at the next timeout.

I really like Ron Artest… I belive he’s a good guy with a big heart, with something just a little bit off upstairs. but if he shows up to play, his heart’s in it, he just goes about his business, he can be great there. The fans in Sacramento (like the ones in Indiana) are very supportive of their guys. So if he can get on their good side, he just might love it and thrive there. I hope that’s the case.

Because when you compare them as players… well, there is no comparison. They’re probably going to get you about the same amount of points per game. But Ron can get them in a variety of different ways. He can shoot from outside, he can post up, he can drive, he’s got the midrange shots… he creates a ton of matchup problems. Peja does very little of that. And defensively, it’s not even worth talking about.

So from the Pacers point of view, it depends on how you look at it. If you see it as getting Peja for Artest, you lose big time. But if you see it as getting Peja for nothing, then sure, you win. Peja is a great shooter, he can put the ball on the floor a little bit, and he’ll definitely stretch a defense. Both Stephen Jackson and Jermaine O’Neal will benefit from his presence. But he’s not Artest… and Rick Carlisle’s got a major challenge ahead of him in getting Peja’s defense up to a reasonable level.

That is the name that Houston has chosen for their new MLS team. They are the Houston 1836.

I don’t fucking get it, but… you know, in a way, it’s brilliant. It got some attention. What else is going to get people talking about an MLS team in January… or any other time of the year, for that matter? It is, if nothing else, original. If a team is going to name themselves after a year, it’s usually the last two digits, with “ers” at the end. Not these guys. Sometimes, you have to admire someone to say, “Hey, this makes no sense, but fuck it.”

Attention really had to be the name of the game. And unless you want to call your team the Houston OJ’s, or the Houston Thundercocks, or the Houston Paul Wall’s Teeth, then this is probably a nice way to go.

Check out Vince Carter’s take on Kobe’s 81-point night:

“The only bad thing about it is that younger kids, whose minds are easily warped, are going to think, ‘Ohhh! I am going to go out there and do it instead of (honoring) the team concept first. That is what is missing in the game, guys understanding how to play as a team.

“I think it is great for (the NBA): They want scoring, they want ratings, and you are going to get that. You are definitely going to get them now with the amount of 50-point games, 60-plus games. I just hope that kids and young guys understand that (only) special guys can do that. Yeah, the (other Lakers) were trying to get Kobe the ball, they wanted to see a special night. But they all know their roles.

“Guys understanding their roles is probably the hardest thing to accept in the NBA right now. Everybody wants to prove they are a professional, wants to be a star in this league. You can still become a star in your own right if you just play your role.”

Alright, I want to know who’s feeding Vince Carter lines. Does he have Red Auerbach speaking to him through a hidden earpiece? Because I know he didn’t say that. The guy who cried his way out of Toronto by half-assing it did not say that.

Whoever said that, though, is absolutely right. And that’s not a knock of Kobe or his accomplishment… I could say that it was absolutely the right thing for Kobe to score those 81 points, and it would still be bad for kids to see. Just beause they’ll see what Kobe did, they’ll see the media’s reaction to it, and they’ll believe that all the glory is in scoring points. I think there’s truth in that, regardless of Kobe’s actual intent.

But at the same time… you know, those same kids already have pretty terrible ideas about what it is to be a great basketball player. And it doesn’t take an 81-point game for that to happen. All it takes is a few viewings of SportsCenter. It’s always about the points, it’s always about the dunks, it’s always about the flashy highlights. That’s not Kobe’s fault, that’s everyone’s fault.

I mean, you could blame that on a lot of things. SportsCenter, the NBA itself, lack of good coaching through the entire basketball system, Nike commercials, etc. And hey, speaking of Nike commercials, I think I just saw one starring Vince Carter that’s all about glorifying the slam dunk. What’s that doing for the kids, Vince? Is that sending the right message? “Buy $120 shoes and slam dunk the basketball. Come on. Do it for the kids.” Idiot.

I’m not even going to get into Vince Carter, his style of play, his quitting on him team in Toronto, his being a general douchebag. There’s no point, because he didn’t say that. I think he overheard someone say it on the subway or something, and he just repeated it.

You probably know the story by now. Kings and Pacers agree to Artest/Peja swap. Artest says he doesn’t want to go to Sactown. Kings pull out of deal. Pacers and Artest to meet tomorrow.

In that meeting, I’m pretty sure that Donnie Walsh and Larry Bird are going to tell Ron Artest that if he doesn’t report to Sacramento like a good boy, that he’ll be sitting out for the entire year. I don’t believe they’re bluffing.

And that can’t be an option for Artest. He missed all of last year, and most of this one. At some point, if you want to resume your NBA career, you’ve got to show that you have some kind of passion for the game. You’ve got to demonstrate that you want to be back on the court. The one nice thing that people have always said about you is that you’re a gamer, and that you show up and play hard. If you don’t still have that going for you, then… you’re kinda screwed, Ron.

We all get that you’re crazy. You’re a different kind of guy, you’re very special, and that’s great. But you need to play basketball. For the good of your own career, just go play in Sacramento. Hell, you might like it. It’s a very small market, you can stay out of the spotlight (if you so chose) and work on rebuilding your career. You’ll have owners who will bend over backwards for you, you’ll have a permanent hook-up in Vegas, and oh yeah, you’ll be playing basketball again. That’s good, right?

The whole thing has just become bizarre… sad, really. I miss watching Ron Artest play basketball. It’s almost a parody of itself. If the trade does go through, we’ll talk more about it later.

And I’m with her. Obviously, no disrespect is intended to Roberto Clemente, a great player and an unbelievable man. But there’s only one Jackie Robinson, and Major League Baseball should have an honor for him that’s not enjoyed by anyone else. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

He did something that no one before him had the combination of balls and talent to do. And no one after him will have the same opportunity, because Jackie Robinson laid it down for them. That deserves an honor reserved for just one man.

And again, it’s nothing against Clemente. If MLB set aside kind of honor for him that no one else could ever have, I think that would be great. Rename the World Series trophy for him. Call the All-Star Game the Clemente Classic from now on. Any honor they want to bestow on Clemente is fine, and is well-deserved, because no one in the history of sports was a better guy than Clemente. But leave the leaguewide retiring of the # to Jackie Robinson, and Jackie Robinson alone.

Man, I hate this attitude. There are those out there who believe that because the Super Bowl doesn’t have players on the opposing teams who hate each other, becaise it doesn’t have teams from big markets, because it doesn’t have an attention-starved, me-first dickweed like Terrell Owens, because it doesn’t have a hick choke-artist who’s dating a country music superstar…that it’s boring.

I just hate that attitude. The teams that have earned a place there are there. This is not professional wrestling. If you’re upset because you don’t think King Kong Bundy should get to challenge for the title at Wrestlemania, then fine, feel free to bitch… because it was someone’s poor decision who put him there. But the Steelers and Seahawks are there because they earned those spots. That’s how it works. That’s the very nature of sports. If you don’t like it, you don’t like sports. Go watch American Idol.

Some quotes from yesterday’s Daily Quickie, who has dubbed Super Bowl XL “Super Bore” and “Whoop-de-do-per Bowl”…

NFL fans have become spoiled by the Pats dynasty; even this season, our expectations were that we’d see the most improbable Pats title of all — or at least the breakthrough of Peyton Manning and the Colts.

There’s simply not the drama of years past. Can’t Shaun Alexander go a little “T.O.” on us, just to spice things up?

Even a Freddie Mitchell imitation from Matt Hasselbeck would make things more interesting at this point.

It doesn’t matter that the Spurs or the White Sox were worthy champs. Excellence has taken a backseat to our jones for outsize drama.

Maybe you jones for outsize drama. I jones to see who’s the best. I want to see who’s going to be the World Champion. That’s enough for me, because I like sports. If you need outlandish characters and plot twists, give up sports and go watch Desperate Housewives or something.

And I think they deserve it. You can certainly make a case for Duke deserving to hang on to the top spot, but UConn can make a better one. They’re the better team. Duke’s best two players (Redick, Shelden Williams) are better than UConn’s two best (Rudy Gay, Rashad Anderson), but after that, it’s a UConn landslide.

Marcus Williams, Josh Boone, Hilton Armstrong, Denham Brown… on other teams, those guys are stars, and they can also get you a hell of a deal on a laptop. Duke just doesn’t have nearly the depth… Melchionni’s turned himself into a good role player, and Josh McRoberts has a ton of potential, but after that, there’s not a lot to get excited about.

Anyway, Duke sticks at #2. Florida falls to 4 in the AP, and 5 in the Coaches. Georgetown, 12-4 with a win over Duke, opens up at #21 in the AP, but somehow, remarkably, does not crack the Coaches Top 25. They’re not even the first team out. That, I don’t understand.

Watching the Pitt/Syracuse game, I just saw this run across the bottom of my screen…

“Conference USA says officiating crew used poor judgment in upholding technical foul called when Houston coach Tom Penders collapsed during Saturday’s game at UAB.”

Hey, ya think? You think it’s a bad idea to give a guy a technical foul for collapsing on the sidelines, and being taking out on a stretcher with an oxygen mask strapped to his grill? Think that may have been poor judgment?

In defense of the officials… they thought Penders falling to the floor was a reaction to a foul call. So they stuck a T on him, believing that he fell to the floor to show them up. But that theory was kind of blown to hell when Penders stayed down and couldn’t leave until he won on a stretcher. The officials let the technical foul call stand.

Nice work, boys. One of you should have ran up to the stretcher as it was being wheeled out and screamed “and you’re EJECTED, TOO.”

Can he get 100?

No, I don’t think so… but that doesn’t mean he isn’t going try, because I think he wants it. I think he wants it bad. But if you look at yesterday’s numbers, you see how impossible it was to even get 81. He shot 28-of-46, and judging from the highlights I’ve seen, a lot of them were contested. He was just on fire. I don’t see him shooting a whole lot better than 28-of-46 and 7-of-13 from behind the three-line. If he wants 100, He’d have to shoot 10 more times, and make them all. Realistically, he’d have to shoot more than 60 times in a game… more than a shot per minute. That just sounds insane. I’m not putting it past him… but I don’t think it will happen.

The immediate future

The absolute ceiling for the Lakers this year is that they win a 1st-round playoff series… and even that is highly unlikely. The best four teams in the West are San Antonio, Dallas, Phoenix, and Memphis. I think any of those teams would be able to shut down the one-man Lakers with relative ease. But there is a chance that they slide into the 6-spot and take on the winner of the Northwest, which is probably going to be Denver or Minnesota, both of whom could be had.

And while we’re here, I might have to rethink my criticism that he doesn’t make his teammates better. When I watch the Lakers, I see Kobe Bryant and four guys who aren’t very good at playing basketball. But it’s possible that he does make them better, but they still suck. I dunno.

Further research is required on my part, but it’s possible that any judgments made about Kobe this year are useless, since the situation he’s in is so unique. To be fair, re-evaluating the situation, it’s hard to determine how Kobe is as a teammate and team leader. Shaq was always the man before, the offense ran through him, and he created opportunities for everyone else. And now, without the big man, Kobe’s left there with no one to lead. It’ll be interesting to see what happens when/if he he has some capable teammates.

Can he win a championship without Shaq?

Of course he can. And this is the important question… whether or not he wins another championship is going to define his legacy. If he wins one, he’s Jordan-esque. If he doesn’t, he’s regarded as a selfish guy who ran Shaq out of town because he needed the spotlight to himself but couldn’t win anything on his own. Maybe that’s a little unfair, but it’s hard to see it turning out any other way.

And he can do it. It’ll take a roster vastly different than the one he has now, but sure, it’s possible. He doesn’t even need a great team around him, just a decent one. He does need a capable big man. No one wins a title without at least one good big man. But if he gets that, and a few other quality role players, it can absolutely happen, and if it does, he can be remembered as one of the best ever. I’ll probably never like the guy, but greatness is greatness.

A group of crazy Italian motherfuckers briefly stole the Olympic torch yesterday. They didn’t hurt the the woman carrying it, and one of the escort runners was able to get it back.

The group responsible for grabbing the torth did so as a protest against globalization. And apparently, this isn’t an isolated incident. No one’s stolen it before, but there have been all kinds of protests along the torch’s path.

I don’t know what they’re hoping to accomplish. I mean, if they’re able to successfully jack the torch, it’s not going to stop anyone from lighting the actual Olympic flame. There will be someone in the building with a lighter. And if you’re one of the runners, and someone comes at you… use that torch. Yeah, the guy probably really wants to make his anti-globalization point, but he probably doesn’t want it badly enough to suffer 3rd degree burns. It’s a torch… light the motherfucker on fire.

I, um… Okie dokie.

Enjoy SteelerBaby.

And I believe that Joey Porter knitted that little jumper that the baby is wearing, and I believe that Joey also made one for himself.

Grazie, Mister Irrelevant.

We’ve got two weeks to kill before the game, so we’re going to pace ourselves on the X’s and O’s. But if you’re like me, and your awesome team was unfairly left out of the playoffs, and you’ve got to decide who to root for, here’s a helpful primer with pros and cons of rooting for each team:

Pittsburgh.

The pros:

• Very nice uniforms. Simple, traditional, and for the most part, unchanging. Respectable. It’s a symbol of a stable, family-owned franchise that values character and tradition.
• Hines Ward. One of the most fun players to watch in the NFL. He works hard, he catches everything, he blocks downfield, he takes big hits, and he does it all with a smile on his face.
• Jerome Bettis. Say what you want about the big man, but it’s difficult not to like him. By all accounts, he’s one of the nicest guys in the NFL. There are no good reasons to hate Jerome Bettis.

The cons:

• Ben Roethlisberger is a giant toolbox. His Fathead commercial exposed him as a huge dork, he hangs out backstage at professional wrestling events, and he masturbates with the panties that are mailed to him. Okay, that last one, I may have assumed, but there is evidence.
• Steelers fans. What is it with these fucking people… they’re everwhere. Most of them hopped on the bandwagon in the ’70s and refused to get off because of the $6 they invested in a Terrible Towel.
• Terry Bradshaw.

Seattle:

The pros:

• Matt Hasselbeck. He’s bald as hell, and he’s taking it like a man. I admire that. He said fuck Rogaine, fuck wearing hats, fuck shaving it all off… just be bald. I like that.
• The underdog factor. It’s not that they’re underdogs in the game, but traditionally, they’re somewhat of a downtrodden franchise. It’s their first Super Bowl appearance ever, compared with the proud history of the Steelers.
• The Seahawks have done less whining about being “disrespected.” Of course, who knows what’s going to happen in the next two weeks, but right now, advantage, Seattle.

The cons:

• What the fuck is that shade of blue… whoever designed those uniforms should be ashamed of themselves. If it wasn’t for the Bills, these would easily be the worst uniforms in all of professional football.
• Offensive tackle Sean Locklear, arrested last week on domestic violence charges.
• Shaun Alexander’s voice. He sounds like he just graduated from the Tony Gwynn school of public speaking. Do you have a friend who’s tone of voice suddenly changes into something annoyingly sweet and smooth whenever he’s talking to a girl? That’s what Shaun Alexander sounds like. All the time.

81 points in today’s NBA doesn’t even make sense. I mean, when you look at the list of the NBA’s best games ever, check the dates: ‘62, ‘06, ‘61,’78, ‘62, ‘62, ‘62 (Good God, Wilt had a nice 1962), ‘94, ‘60, ‘63, ‘90, ‘77, ‘67. Only two of those can be considered recent, and one of them was by arguably the best player ever. 81 points. This just doesn’t happen.

You all know how I feel about Kobe, but there’s no reason to go into that right now. Dude just scored 81 points and probably cemented the MVP award. Only one guy has ever done what Kobe did tonight, and that guy only did it once. And he did it, in large part, because he was bigger than most everyone else. You know Kobe’s got his eye on Wilt’s 100-mark. Consider that the best game that anyone else in the NBA will have this year will still be 30 points behind what Kobe did.

There’s just no one else that has that kind of ability. And also, there may have never been a team that has had, to the same degree, anyway, one great player and 11 guys who kinda suck. There have been one-man teams before, but maybe not with the same amount of contrast. That’s a factor.

But still… the amount of talent it takes to do this, I cannot even fathom. And right now, there’s only one dude alive with that talent.

I’m actually 6-2 in the playoffs thus far (selecting winners only, no point spread), but I haven’t always made my selections public beforehand, and picking just winners isn’t that hard, so I’ll understand if you think I’m just a blowhard douchebag, which you probably should anyway. But, that said, I am 6-2 and awesome.

In the AFC, I’m going with Pittsburgh. Here’s why:

1) They’re not at home. Traditionally, that hasn’t worked out really well for them in AFC Championship games.

2) Denver kinda wasn’t all that good against New England. Total yards: Pats 420, Broncos 286. They gave up 9.5 yards per pass attempt and 3.8 yards per carry. If New England hadn’t had a couple of calls go against them, and committed five turnovers, there’s no way Denver wins this game.

3) Pittsburgh is really really good. Benjamin can make all the throws, they have a very good running game, and everything seems to be peaking at the right time. They’re playing their best football of the year right now. I don’t believe that’s the case with Denver.

4) I do think there is still the possibility that Mike Shanahan comes up with something to keep the Steeler blitz off of Jake Plummer, and finds a way to keep the Steelers off-balance. That is possible. But I think it would take something pretty close to perfect.

In the NFC… Hm. Man. I guess I’m going with Carolina. Here’s why:

1) Darrell Jackson and Bobby Engram are both banged up. I know they’re going to play, but I am so damn borderline on this game, that I’m looking for any little thing. Seattle’s going to have to throw the ball effectively to win, and with knicked receivers against perhaps the best secondary in the game… advantage, Carolina. I think they can get away with playing a lot of man, allowing them to key on Shaun Alexander.

2) I feel a lot better about John Fox than I do about Mike Holmgren. I really couldn’t tell you why.

3) But there are reasons that sway me towards Seattle… I think the home field advantage is signifigant. I think being without DeShaun Foster limits what Carolina can do on the ground. But…

4) Jake Delhomme is the highest-rated QB in NFL playoff history, and…

5) Steve Smith.