the mighty mjd slangin' knowledge... since 2003. Sun, 10 Jan 2016 18:36:38 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Dear Steelers: You Are Assholes, Too Sun, 10 Jan 2016 18:36:38 +0000 2 Week 8 – 2015/2016 – Sunday Afternoon Smorgasbord Mon, 02 Nov 2015 04:08:39 +0000 1 Someone, Please, Put Marshall In The Top Four. And Someone Leave Florida State Out. Tue, 28 Oct 2014 01:12:24 +0000 Something I’ve heard said a few times over the past week is that the rankings of the college football playoff selection committee shouldn't just mirror those of the AP or Coaches Poll. They are going to. Continue Reading...]]> 0 Critics Of Jon Singleton’s Deal Sound Like D-Bags Wed, 04 Jun 2014 15:16:49 +0000 jon-singleton Ten million dollars, if you aren't spending money like an unemployed Bluth, is "you're going to be okay for the rest of your life" money. It's not A-Rod money, and it may not even be Mark Mulder circa 2002 money. But there is value in "okay for the rest of your life" money.]]> 1 Great, Lance Stephenson Is Learning Lessons. Happy Now? Wed, 28 May 2014 23:02:28 +0000 493679705 Lance Stephenson, whose awful words were the sole reason that great basketball player LeBron James played great basketball in Game 4 of the Eastern Conference Finals, isn’t going to talk anymore. And that’s smart. Because back in 2007, Lance Stephenson once told me that he didn’t like the color of my shoes, and the next day, I built a full-size, solar-powered helicopter out of a rusty curling iron, and then I bit Rampage Jackson’s ear off. Continue Reading...]]> 0 If Your Story Is True, Robert Mathis, Then You’ve Won Tue, 20 May 2014 01:09:16 +0000

The back-and-forth between Robert Mathis and the NFL’s drug police continued today, with Mathis’s agent complaining anew about the NFL releasing a statement in response to a prior statement from Mr. Agent. As much as I love a good press release battle, I don’t wanna get into the details because they don’t matter. Here’s the short version: Mathis got suspended four games for using a banned substance, and he said, “It was a fertility drug and all I wanted was to knock my old lady up.” And the NFL said, “Whatever, you’re still suspended,” and Mathis said, “Not cool, NFL,” and today, the NFL said, “Well, we’re doing it anyway.” Which is perfectly within their rights, because it’s not like they can just start taking an athlete’s word for it when it comes to a failed drug test. If he lets this go, does Roger Goodell really want 32 Seattle Seahawks at his door every morning claiming low sperm counts? In arguing against the suspension, Mathis doesn’t really have a leg to stand on. And if the fertility story is true, who’s to say it didn’t also help his on-field performance? Clomid, the drug in question, is a testosterone-boosting – ah, here I am getting into the details of it. Again – doesn’t matter. If Mathis was truly just trying to get past conception issues, then he comes out way ahead. He took the drug, he gets the child he and his wife so desperately wanted, and it cost him four weeks of football -- four weeks of body-destroying football, which, incidentally, won’t do him any favors in his march toward to being a lucid, coherent, able-bodied father his NFL days are past him. Lifetime of baby vs. one quarter of an NFL regular season. For a guy who desperately wanted to conceive, you’d think that trade-off would be alright. Celebrate, man. Instead of asking for special treatment because, what – you’re nice? – say you took the drug, it was worth it, and you’d do it again, because some things are more important than football. Take those four weeks and be with your lady (so long as Boomer Esiason is okay with that). Unless … Robert Mathis knows there’s zero chance of changing his perfectly logical suspension, but took his complaints public anyway, because he wanted to protect his reputation as a beloved, long-time Indianapolis Colt and a pretty good guy, as opposed to being labeled a dirty, dirty drug cheat. I’m not saying any of that isn’t true, because what do I know? I’m not sure if I’m witnessing a family man paying an unfortunate price for his desire to have a family, or one more performance-enhancer who came up with the best post-test-failure PR strategy yet.]]> 0
Breaking: Nothing Happens To Johnny Manziel Mon, 19 May 2014 23:36:53 +0000

This AP story, which is literally about nothing remarkable happening, spent all day on the front page of ESPN and various other sports websites. The takeaway: Johnny Manziel attended Browns minicamp, where a Browns minicamp took place. Browns GM Mike Pettine spoke to the media afterwards.
“It was a little ragged across the board when you're bringing in guys and it's new to all of them. I thought he did a good job handling himself in the huddle and making the call and the pre-snap communication, knowing where to go with the ball.”
So it was like every other minicamp in the history of the NFL. Noted. Anything to say on the subject of the competition between Brian Hoyer and Johnny Manziel, Mike?
"I don't know if they're going to be sending each other Christmas cards anytime soon."
My prediction: December, at the earliest. I’m just trying to get myself used to this. The coverage of Johnny Manziel is going to be Tebow-ian in volume and inanity, only kept more interesting by Johnny’s placement on the opposite end of the Christian-values scale. Where he places relative to Tebow on the Actual Quarterbacking Ability scale remains to be seen, if you aren’t able to draw any conclusions on Johnny’s career from today’s scintillating report.]]> 0
A Fan’s Responsibility After The Most Recent Exposure Of Donald Sterling’s Virulent Racism Tue, 29 Apr 2014 03:58:01 +0000 The option of supporting Chris Paul, Blake Griffin, DeAndre Jordan and the vague, nebulous notion of “the Clippers” while not also supporting Donald Sterling himself – is mythical. It really can’t be done. A lot of people wish it could. It can’t. Continue Reading...]]> 0 The 2014 Oscar Best Picture Power Rankings Sun, 02 Mar 2014 05:24:08 +0000 mooooovies 9. Captain Phillips 8. Nebraska 7. The Wolf of Wall Street 6. ... Continue Reading...]]> 0 10 Things Riley Cooper Did Not Say About The NFL’s Proposed N-Word Ban Fri, 28 Feb 2014 03:33:47 +0000 RileyCooper Continue Reading...]]> 0 The NFL’s Proposed New 15-Yard N-Word Penalty: Are We Sure We Want This? Tue, 25 Feb 2014 04:50:09 +0000 kittykat! This is a scenario we're looking at on NFL Sundays: One young black man calls another young black man a word that is racially charged, but in a certain culture with a certain usage, is commonplace and acceptable. Overhearing this is a white man in his 60s ‒ a man who has absolutely nothing to do with those cultures ‒ who then tells the young black men that they're not allowed to call each other that, and punishes the offending black man with a penalty of 15 yards. And if it escalates? If a player does it more than once, are we going to get to a point where he then has to give the NFL money? Is everyone comfortable with that? Because I'm not. Continue Reading...]]> 2 Bigger Asshole: Jim Boeheim or Marcus Smart? Sun, 23 Feb 2014 04:40:39 +0000 With six different measures, we take stock of the two most assholish acts in college basketball this year ‒ Marcus Smart's fan shove, and Jim Boeheim's "I am confused about how jackets work" rush to mid-court. Who was worse? Who has done more damage to the fabric of this great nation? Let's dig deep. Continue Reading...]]> 0 The Dumbest Show On CBS Makes Some Changes Wed, 19 Feb 2014 07:40:51 +0000 cbs nfl today I cannot think of a single interesting thing that Tony Gonzalez has ever said. Please understand, that's a mere observation and not a knock on Tony Gonzalez. I'm sure the man has said and thought many interesting things; it's just that 99.999999% of all the things Tony Gonzalez has ever said have been outside of my earshot. For all I know, his mind is a bubbling cauldron of high-minded philosophies and bon mots. But if that's the case, he's kept it to himself. And if he did make the conscious decision to never say anything interesting in public, ever, I would understand completely, since being the least bit outspoken is pretty much an all-around losing proposition for any athlete. It's odd, though, that CBS just hired him to perform the very task of saying interesting things in public, since it's something he's done zero times before. It would make no less sense to hire Tony Gonzalez as a whale taxidermist. Continue Reading...]]> 0 Marcus Smart Shoves An Old Man And I Will Stifle My LOLs Sun, 09 Feb 2014 06:45:52 +0000 marcus-smart-shove After a fine hustle play ‒ gritty and scrappy, one might even say ‒ Oklahoma State point guard Marcus Smart took a couple of steps into the crowd to shove an old man. To be clear, Marcus Smart was not unprovoked. This was a heckling and possibly abusive old man, who very well might've earned that shove, but the four words "shove an old man" are just too amusing in that sequence. Continue Reading...]]> 3 Day 1: A Letter From A Stray Dog In Sochi Fri, 07 Feb 2014 01:48:48 +0000 Regrettably, was unable to send a correspondent to Sochi. Fortunately, many of the city’s inhabitants are desperate to have their voices heard. They are dogs who can write letters, and we here at are happy to provide them with a forum. Today, МЕСТНЫЙ. Two days ago, I met pleasant American journalist woman who pet me and call me “good boy.” I have heard she looks for me now and is sad, but if you see her, please tell her they are taking me to pleasant dog spa where I will get massage and dog pedicure, so everything okay. I am assured they will not murder me by putting bullet from Kalashnikov in back of head then obtusely dumping my body in mass grave. So I see her on Saturday for men’s luging event. Continue Reading...]]> 0