My girl is here, but she isn’t our waitress. Our waitress is the skanked-out Raiders fan, only she isn’t wearing her Raiders jersey this weekend, so I guess I won’t demand that she not be allowed to touch my food. Meanwhile, my girl is over there calling some other guy “baby,” and acting all friendly. [...]

The TV guy has stuck the Chargers/Redskins game in the back room, which means I won’t be seeing any of the Bucs/Bears game, but instead will have my eyes on Bengals/Ravens, Rams/Texans, and 49ers/Titans. Those are three very disgusting games. I’m starting to think that those commercials are right, and Sunday is for bowling. It’s [...]

Looks like it’s going to be a pretty light crowd today. We might have this place all to ourselves. I stroll in and start rearranging tables, and my girl, without me even asking, brings me a glass of ice water. I thank her, and she puts her hand on my back and says, “You’re welcome, [...]

Anyone else getting a little annoyed with Tom Jackson on ESPN’s Countdown? He just gets so perturbed when anyone disagrees with him, and he gets this look on his face like someone just stole his cookies. He seems much happier and much more comfortable on Primetime when he’s alone with Berman. When Steve Young and [...]

A full hour before any games have begun, some Browns fan is banging on the table and screaming things like, “GO BROWNS” and “BRAYLON EDWARDS VERSUS PAC MAN JONES, BABY.” Usually, emotion like that is reserved for fans of teams that have a chance to accomplish something. And what he’s expecting to get out of [...]

I walk in to the front room of the bar, and the waitress who loves me comes over and says hello and makes a little small talk. But the games are better in the back room, so I go take a seat back there. And my server today will be a gutter whore in a [...]

Says Michael Irvin on Countdown, “Rumors are swirling that Ray Lewis is not the player he once was.” Um, rumors? Hey, I heard a rumor that China was considering a communist form of government, too. Any truth to that one? Great scoop, Mike. To quote my man Lloyd Christmas as he exits an Aspen bar, [...]

If I was at the Vikings game today, I’d have dressed up in a sailor outfit, put a rip in my pants, messed up my hair and held a sign that said, “FRED SMOOT, YOU WERE FANTASTIC.” All the pregame shows, of course, have some talk about Tedy Bruschi and his possible comeback sometime this [...]

I walk in and sit down at the same table I always do, a waitress comes and gets me a drink, and I’m sitting there with a menu and a beverage in front of me… and then the same girl who was eager to pleasure me last week comes over, puts her hand on the [...]

To start the day, a waitress who isn’t even waiting on me comes over and gives my shoulder a little squeeze and says it’s nice to see me. She adds that she notices that I’m always sitting in the same place every week. I don’t think she’s ever even waited on me before. Given these [...]